I need people who understand me!!!

[majaof3]

Good morning Folks, I am just posting here to rant a lil, vent a lil, hopefully get some advice, feedback & most of all hope that someday everything is gonna be alright! I have been on Oxys for about 5 LONG years... I have attempted 2 times to quit the pills with no success because I have no way of coping with the detox/WD.  I have been treated & labeled a druggie by the local ER, even my own Pain doc & his staff who provide me with my pain meds... NICE HUH??? Not really... at all!!! The 2 times I have attempted to quit was totally my choice as I see the pills totally controlling me & my life & because I had to seek medical attention for unbearable WD's I was treated lik a street druggie & thrown out of the ER with a label I honestly do NOT feel or agree that I deserve ... when seeking help, specially for prescribed medications, to be treated is such a way is just horribly devastating!!! So unless I have $$ to go into a decent detox facility I am on my own & how the hell is that even fair or right??? My Family should NEVER have to see me go thru such horrible WD's... I have Children that are honestly traumatized by this! I have had chronic pain for many years however tolerance to the pills I am still in pain & if I take MORE I am abusing!!! I asked My Hubby please tell me again why I take pain medication when I am still in pain... His reply... To avoid WDs!!! He is absolutely correct & I should have to live this way... Hey as a matter of fact I am NOT living at all!!! I have totally become numb to EVERYTHING!!! I have no desire to do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING is a chore!!! This would be the reason I have to STOP taking the pills that are robbing me of life & killing me slowly!!! BUT my only option is to suffer!!! I have tried weaning but that just prolongs the suffering to me... I honestly start getting uncontrolled body jerks after 4 to 6 hours from my last dose... This seems to be my biggest prob when stopping my pills, I have the absolute WORST involuntary jerking & that is what I cannot handle & is very upsetting to my family. I totally believe it is my right to stop taking pills that are killing me & have ruined the last 5 years of my life... SORRY I also believe as a patient who is being prescribed the pills should be treated humanely & with respect... I should NOT be allowed to suffer like this. I have most of the meds they use to detox so it is not a matter of getting meds to stop the physical intense jerking, therefor I do believe this should be absolutely treated as a medical detox & My Doctor should be able to admit me to the Hosp & provide me with a safe & comfy detox! Why do I have to seek the help & the ONLY help avail to me is a mattress on a floor in the mental hosp where they give me the very same meds I have at home for detox!?!? Ya know my insurance will pay for me to go to pain management every mo & pay for my RX every mo for the last 5 years which is just a slow death to me... BUT I am NOT entitled to a safe & humane detox??? I just cannot accept this & even if I do this again at home & have to go to the local ER to relieve the body jerks.. guess what they got me in the system as a druggie who abuses drugs, therefor NO help... Just humiliation ... How is it even remotely ok for a doc to prescribe you pain pills & for them & other medical providers & facilities to label as a druggie??? I am not getting this & for me this is a pill way TOO bug to swallow!!! So each day that passes as I fight within myself because I am alone I lose hope of ever getting off these pills & eventually feel my life will just end... It already feels pretty much over! I have NO quality of life... I sit & dwell on how life could be if the pills didn't control everything!!!  I am SO over living this way!!! I have to find a way to get help!!! My issues are getting off the pills & its NOT just a matter of having the flu for a few days.. I would be more than willing to be sick to have light & hope at the end but that is just not the case for me, unfortunately I have a really huge physical reaction when my brain doesn't have its fix!!! Anyone know about this?? Anyone know if their Primary doc can do a inpatient medical detox?? I actually have a apt this morn with my Primary Doc.. I have some questions for him that I need satisfied STAT!!! I am NOT going to listen to oh well druggie crap!!! Like I said this for me is not a matter of being sick its a matter of needing medical help & assistance to get me thru the most severe WD that cannot be managed at home... Thanks so much to everyone who takes the time to read my post.. any advice, feedback is always welcome =] God bless you all & I will def keep anyone interested updated on what happens today with my Doc apt... Thanx so much !

[jugglin]

Sorry for your struggles.  As Ricart asked, how much are you taking?  Would your doctor help you with a plan to taper?  I could not taper, personally, cuz if I had them I took them.  But others have tapered with the help of a trusted person to hold their pills and follow a taper plan.  We have all dealt with WD's, some worse than others.  Have you seen the Thomas Recipe?  There isI a link to the page at the bottom of the screen.  This offers up suggestions  to help with the symptoms of WD.  It will not make WD symptoms go away, it will just help you get thru some of the symptoms a bit easer.  When you are ready to quit, you will find the will to fight thru the WD.  It will not be easy, but everyone of us who have gone thru this do NOT regret the short amount of time in physical WD to get our lives back. You CAN get your life back...and when you do, you will be so grateful that you did.  We are here to listen and support. Sending prayers of strength and peace your way!

[ricart70]

Hi and let us know how much oxy you are taking per day if you get a chance.
  Sorry if I missed that while reading. Welcome to the forum. Let us know what the doc says. We have all had some really big reactions to discontinuing opiates and i and everyone else here will totally agree that it is more than just a flu!! We know what it feels like and it takes days and days to feel better so you have to get in the fighting mind frame and tough it out. The docs should prescribe some meds to lessen the wd. Let us know what they say. Sorry you are going through all of this but you can get free and get your life back. Believe that!