I screwed up again.

[lynnalb15]

Back to square one.

[bama88]

never give up Lynn never. i don't care howa couple depressed you get. how scared you are. we all love ya and want you to be well. this is addiction. a sickness. the rehab place should have never let you go. your to early in sobriety. i know how hard this is. i had to check myself and my husband in. i totally get it...my first week back was awful. i know and get it.

now get your butt back in there....who cares how much money it takes...love ya

[laurel453]

I wish you all the luck, Lynn... you are not a terrible mother, you are sick and you are trying to get well... never NEVER give up cause you are not a lost cause... don't beat yourself now, this is one choice you can make now....that  you will work on yourself with constructive and healthier choices and thoughts, beating ourselves is not a good one cause it stucks you in the past and doesn't let you walk into a better future...

as a note, he can read your posts here even if you have changed your password... the forum is open to everybody to read it...

ALL THE BEST and keep walking...

[bama88]

don't be sorry. be proud that you can recognize you have a problem. and just go fix it. don't worry about nothing else. you've got people who love you and want to see you well. hold on to that. drop the pity party and dig deep. you see how much you've got to loose? and you see how much support you have. sometimes it takes us a couple of chances to get it right. some people need more treatment then others. some people have to loose more than others. its just rhe way it is. i know you love your baby. but Lynn you've got to love yourself more. rouge got to stop for you. do you know what i mean? im up of ya want to talk.

[minn66]

Thank God! Lynn, I am so glad you had the strength and desire to call your counselor and go back!

[lynnalb15]

I called my counselor and told them that I was just not ready to be home. Thy said to come back they wanted me to do the month over again an id have to pay 1500. Why did I do this and waste money. I thight I was doing the right thing by going home to my baby and it was like waking into this house made me wat to use and so I went and bought some. I've been up all night snuggling my baby. If I go back I will be admitted tomorrow at noon. And this time have to be serious about it. My counselor actually told me she was proud of me. That many wouldn't fess up. So thanks Guys. this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But she also told me if it would make it easier I could have visitations with my daughter twice a week. And that right there sold me. Going a month with out seeing anything but photos kills me. And I'm obviously not strong enough to be home yet. It amazes me how they're working with me. I hate fessing up to y'all cause I feel like I let everyone down. But the amount of support I have here is just unbelievable. I'm going to tell others in the detox about this board.
I am not telling my husband I used. I simply told him I'm not strong enough to be back yet and he understood. I just can't tell him. I don't want him to leave me. And I see that in the future if I don't stop. I will lose my whole family and I know he would never let me have my daughter alone if I do not get help. And u know what I don't blame him one bit. He's such an amazing father. My daughter is so very lucky.  As am I.behat a pointless screw up I just made. May seem mean but I changed my password so he can't see any of this. And. He's too busy to come on anyways. You guys are my get away when needed and I hope he understands that. I love you all. I'll keep u updated once I'm checked in. For now I'm gunna stay up watching movies while she sleeps on my chest. This is the last time I'll get to do this for a month. But soon I'll be able to do it freely. I feel terrible being around her high. But I just can't not hold her right now. Please don't think of me as a terrible Mother. But what I did was so disgustingly selfish I'm sock over it. As I should be. I uses me missing her as a chance to come home and use. That's not me. I want me back. And she deserves the real me back. I'll get there. This time has consequences. Cause if I leave my family will be informed of me trying to use. Which is how it should be. Wish me luck everyone. Sorry for the disappointment once again. Just another bump in my messy life.

[minn66]

Lynn, I think if you tell them now that you made a mistake by coming back so soon that you will be able to go back. I am not an expert on these things but gnarly has very valid points and YOU ARE NOT A LOST CAUSE!  Please don't think that you are. I think that going back now would show that you recognize you weren't ready to come home yet and you do want to get better for yourself and your family. I am praying for you, Sweetie.