I want to stop taking Vicodin

[StuckANDscared]

Hi everyone, I'd first like to say that you are all so brave for trying to get clean or have been clean for a while.  It's a terrifying, debilitating, beyond-words-frustrating experience.  I have much respect, love, and look up to you guys.

My story:  I've been reading these boards for a year or so...but never posted anything until today.  I was 19 (I'm 26 now) when I first took hydrocodone (Vicodin) for pain management after a surgery due to me wrecking my Harley.  (NOT my fault by the way. :0)  I feel like a complete looser saying this, but I FELL IN LOVE with the way they made me feel.  Besides being an effective pain management solution, I had more energy, I was happy, and was able to go through my day without feeling tired, lethargic, I slept soundly/deeply at night and woke refreshed.  And I still had time to do all kinds of things with my 8 year old step-son at the end of the day.

So...I've been taking pills on and off since then...7 years.  I "had" to detox 4 times because I either couldn't get a refill or couldn't buy them from my guy.  I've usually always taken 10mg hydrocodone...and I remember when taking 3 would create the best euphoria and make me a little nauseous (my sign I took too much).  Now...the max I can take is 8 and I'm on cloud nine.  

I'm a functioning pill popper - I have a part time job and run my own Interior Design business.  I don't look like a pill-popping junkie.  I hide them and my problem from my entire family.  My fiance at the time found by script bottle (fell out of my purse onto the floor of my truck) a couple years ago and it almost ended our relationship.  He knows I took them occasionally, I still have lower back pain that comes and goes.  But, he made me pull my pharmacy records to see how long I've been taking them.  My script was for 180 pills every 4 weeks.  This went back almost 2 years.  

So...He locked em up in the lockbox, changed the combo, and I was forced for detox without tapering down.  I was at about 20 pills (10 mgs) a day to NOTHING.  I thought I was going to die.  I don't think I need to describe the physical withdrawal effects - but if I sat still for more than 2 seconds...I wanted to rip my skin off and scream.

So...here I am again 2 weeks short on my refill...with only a few left...and know the withdrawal effects will come soon.  I'm terrified.  I can't keep going on like this.  Life is fine when I have them, but when I'm running out - I can't think straight...all I think about is how am I going to get enough to hold me over to my next refill, do I have enough, I need more.

I'll admit, they do work for my pain - even in the recommended dose.  

MY IDEAL SITUATION: To be able to take 1 or 2 when my back prevents me from functioning...but not to have withdrawal symptoms when I don't take them.  

So...this means a VERY long period of me not taking them.  I need help.  Books, herbal supplements, ANYTHING that will help me not want to kill myself (I'm not exaggerating) when I hit withdrawal.

Thanks and it's good knowing I'm not the only one.  

[laurel453]

Hi,

sorry but i am afraid that having a slow taper will not prevent you at all from going back to the pills. In fact, think that going ct with bad wds haven't prevented you from going  back to them.... Staying clean is harder than getting clean  and it means hard working from our part, we need making life changes and going for aftercare at best..I would advice you to keep reading posts and learning from the other members experiences ... good luck !

[StuckANDscared]

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice and encouragement.  Unfortunately, I just bought enough to get me through to my next refill.  I never had to go through w/d's.  Wrong thing to do.  I was so set on quitting, but the second that "feeling" set in (wanting to rip my skin off) I called my guy and bought some.  

I have started a VERY SLOW taper.  (I was messaged and told I couldn't post the actual schedule...so I guess I won't.)  But it's very slow.  My last day should be the last day of October with me taking only 1/8 of a pill total - split into twice a day.  I got a calendar, laid them out, etc...we'll see.

Even though I've been through "accidental" cold turkey 4 times...I got back on them as soon as I could find them.  This is my first time trying tapering down...so I hope that in the end I am thankful enough for the (hopefully) easier detox, and that thankfullness prevents me from going back.  

To this_big: thanks very much for the advice.  I've used all those supplements except the Hylands Restful Leg supplement you suggested.  Will buy it asap.  Hot soaks are the most relaxing thing I've found.  IDuring my CT detox,  I could get rid of the "rip my skin off" feeling while in there, and fall asleep immediately at least for an hour afterwards.  

Thanks again.  And I'm sure I'll be posting alot more for encouragement and to hear from those who are clean.  

[this_big]

Hi and welcome . I think at one point or another most if not all of us came to the point where you are now. I think by now you know it doesn't get better on its own. At some point or another we just have to bite the bullet and go through it. Now is the time. Get prepared. Try not to over think the withdraws. The worst only last a couple of days.

There is no "ideal situation" you have to make the decision is the pain you suffer worth the pain of the merry go round your on. Some ppl have found alternatives to narcotic pain relief. For me the pain of going though pill addiction is far worse than the occasional back ache.  

There is a ton of stuff that helps you with withdraws, but unfortunately nothing to totally get rid of them. Heres a list of things that helped me. Im at 38 days clean from ALL RX pain pills. I really believe these things helped me through.

  First, on late day1 early day 2 i went to see a DR.( went to ER cuz no insurance) For me this thing is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental. He gave me a script of 15 each of Clonodine 0.1mg and Xanax .25mg. Many people will disagree on the xanax,But for me i think it was a big help. Just tell your DR only to give you enough for the first few days 4-5 maybe.And thats IT.

Then for the physical stuff I used..

RLS "cricket legs"- TONIC WATER (i mixed it w/ juice 1/2 and 1/2. I didnt like the taste of it by itself.) BANANAS( for the potassium. I ate at least 2 a day) HYLANDS restful legs and leg cramp( I took these every four hours whether i felt like i needed them or not.)CAL/MAG supplements

  SLEEP- Unfortunately i don't think there is anything that will just knock you out those first few days. I used Advil PM, Melatonin (I waited until i could hardly keep my eyes open to take this one), and Valeran root. I only slept an hour or two at a time those first few days. Also a HOT shower right before i laid down.

BOWEL issues- In the past i've used Imodium AD for this.( it does work) But i read somewhere that if you....For lack of better words "just let it flow" it was better.lol..IDK though. I had no real obligation and was able to do just that.(Drink plenty of gatorade).

HOT AND COLD FLASHES- I took a HOT shower for both hot and cold If they lasted any length of time. Really seemed to help.

ACHES- I took just regular Advil. Like the rest of this stuff it wont rid the symptom completely, But it definitely helps make it more bearable. Again HOT soaks/showers help also. As many as it takes.

EXERCISE- (i swam and walked) This i think is key. It helps on more level than one.Even if you dont feel like it. You have to make yourself. Even if its just some squats.

Thomas recipe-- I've tried this alone in the past and never really felt like it helped. The way i took it was to take enough benzos to knock yourself out and in four days wake up and pump yourself full of vitamins. I was never able to take enough benzos to "produce sleep" Thats probably not the attitude to have while doing it.Thats just the way I read it. This time i only used the multi vit. along with the B6 from the recipe. There are many that swear by this recipe though.

I cant say one thing has helped more than another. I looked at it like this. Outside of the Xanax and Clonodine none of this stuff  can hurt me . Just use it all. If you see anything else that might help just try it. Im sure others will add to this(use common sense) . I really think the biggest part of getting through this is having the REAL  want to quit. None of this will help with that. You just have to dig REAL deep and truly want to stop.

Hope this helps, and best of luck. This CAN be done. I'm living proof.

  

[pattifan]

I'm really sorry but it's bad news.

Like most here, you're an opiate addict and you will be for life.

You can withdraw, and there are many things we can suggest that can make that withdrawal more bearable, but however long you stay clean for, you would NEVER be able to back on to 'just one or two'.  Your brain would recognise them immediately and you'd be starting back down that dark road.

I do understand where you're coming from and I really do sympathise, but if you're still thinking of 'just one or two' you're really not ready to tackle your problem yet.

Take care

[IBKleen]

If you want to stop I suggest ct. If you go to the top right of this page you will find The Health Pages. They contain suggestions for herbal supplements and such that will help you through the physical process. Once addicted, as you say you are, you will not be able to return to taking one or two every once in a while. You will be back up to 20 pills a day in no time. Adopt that mind set and it will help you.

If you decide on ct, let us know and we can give you other suggestions to help ease the process. Good luck.

BTW, just out of curiosity---what exactly does a pill popping junkie look like?