I was 14 days clean and relapsed again

[Barbergirl80]

So i was doing well, and i fell off the wagon again. Im so mad at myself. Im in major withdrawls right now as its day 2 of no heroin . :(
I wish these withdrawls would go away. I need to go to work tmrw. Anyone reccomend anything to help? Ive heard about kratom, which some have said it has helped with withdrawls but i dont know too much about it. Help. Im in bad shape right now

[scarlettbegonias]

oops ... i meant 1999 ..... wow. xox

[scarlettbegonias]

spell your email out and dont use any symbols ... just type "at" because it is hiding it everytime u write it and i would love to keep in touch.
you dont have a computer at all?
and my fiancee was on his way home from a phil and phriends show in denver in 2009 ... was tailgating ... i made him go out there to be with his brother so we could finally get clean....i struggled with guilt for a looong time. :(

i feel better....ugg lol  i made myself mow the yard ... got 15 minutes on the treadmill yesterday....maybe gonna try and work tonight?
i need too, i am soooo broke!!

i have cravings too baby ... its just muscle memory .... just make the next right decision .... simple as that ! xoxoxo

hugssssss
mama k.

[Barbergirl80]

Bkitty :
Bkitty,
Thank u for responding. Thanks for the advice. I dont have a dvr , but i will look into watching some new shows. I had a pretty good day today, i worked but had to leave early cause my body ached so bad it made it very difficult to get thru my day., the cravings were on high today too. I found a vicodin and i took it cause advil and aleve werent working. I dont have any more vicodin so no more of that. Ifeel so depressed and sad too. Im really irritable and extremely emotional. Im crying almost all the time. I hate this. All i wanna do is go get a shot of some heroin, but that just isnt an option anymore for me. Im thankful i got thru another day , and hopefuy tomorrow i wont be so down and can face my day with a better outlook and attitude . I appreciate your response. Can you and mamak email me privatly? I want to message u guys my phone number ause idont have anyone i can talk to and i would love to be able to talk to u guys more . My email is ***@****

[Bkitty]

Hi there, you should be very proud of yourself, you got right back up and dusted yourself off after that relapse. H is very very hard to come off of. You mentioned that you are having some cravings. How you deal with those is going to be very cruical for your sobriety.  Identify your triggers as well. The best way to deal with them is trying to distract yourself. Reading, exercise, working, whatever you can do to get your mind off of it for a while. Like for me, I DVR'd a ton of my favorite shows and shows that I wanted to start watching, I played games on facebook and got addicted to that farmville-LOL! Develop new healthy habits for coping and identifying triggers. I also came to the forum and posted a lot too. It really helped me seeing all the other members encouraging words and support. The cravings are going to come and go and sometimes will be strong-keep your guard up at all times. I hope that you have a great day today. One day at a time. Be patient with yourself too. ((hugs))~Bkitty

[Barbergirl80]

Mama k...
Omg ur fiancee died while kicking H?? How come? Im doin better today. Amazingly.. I really should be alot sicker than i am.. But im not too bad today. Im on my phone when using this site so i cant see the list ur talking about.

H is the devil. The cravings r starting to kick in today. Any advice on what i can do to help with those? I worked a full day yesterday and i felt horrible! I dont know how i did it.   See if i can copy and paste that list ur talking about.... How are u doing today hun?? Better than yesterday i hope?

[scarlettbegonias]

ohhhh girl......i am right here with ya! poppin immodium....living on saltines.....supplements.....just holding on.....knowing i am almost past the worst of it!

scroll down this page , bottom right .....you will see the link for amino acid protocol...... the L-taursine helps heal and replenish your neurotransmitters...... the 5htp .....that helps take away withdrawel symptoms....... emergen-c is important.....but get everything on the list and take it just the way its written.......i Promise it will be okay.

no more bullsh** !!!! take ur life back! just pray.....and meditate is only for one minute....and remember who u were born to be.......remember.


xoxoxoxoxo

big big hugsssssss !

and yes i read what u posted on my feed. thats what led me here ;)
sounds like we have been thru so much the same crap......
when i got clean from heroin 13 years ago ...... my fiancee died while we were tryin to kick dope.....it rlly did a number on me.....i ended up relapsing....then on methadone.....things spiraled down frm there and i ended up forced to detox cold turkey off methadone....85 mgs a day....a living hell ...... me and H are old lovers.....so i know ......but i never wanna see his face again.....he took everything from me....my life.....my love.....

get out now....... we never know how much time we rlly have when we're dancin with the devil......... xoxo

[Barbergirl80]

Kmama u are the best! Thank u so much for that. I sit here and i wipe my tears away... I know deep down im worth so much more!! I have no idea how i ended up in such a deep hole with myself. Thank u for ur encouragement. Did u read my post in response to your original post here? And whre can i find the items on this list?

[scarlettbegonias]

hey luv .....

scroll down all the way to bottom right....under most viewd health pages.....amino acid protocol.....

it has been helping me sooooo much ! get everything on the list!

i added niacin and emergen-c and fish oil.....

it will cost about 130 .... but i know uve spent that easy for a fix , no?

do it this time to heal yourself......your soul!

here is the ultimate question : do u want to live life as a slave ?

opiates r dictating who u r ..... what u think , how u feel!

just decide to say **** this ******** ! i am worth sooooo much more than this!

and just do it. push thru the hell.....a good fullfilling life is waiting for u on the other side.


big hugssssss
one love

k.mama xo

[Barbergirl80]

Thanks for the input. I know i need to figure out why im relapsing. I have a great life, stressfull but awesome. I dont have a messed up life or anything. Ive always had an addictive personality tho. Not an excuse i know. .... This time i know i just want off this crap! I cant stand what im doing to my body!!

[dominosarah]

You gotta get to the bottom of why you are relapsing.  Using other mood altering substances isnt going to help that.  

[eagle101]

Kratom works a little for some people. Its usually the leaf of a shrub indigenous to SouthEast Asia....i ran into it during the Vietnam Era. One huge caveat - - I do know of one person that experienced multiple organ failure as a result of a pesticidde used on the plant itself.....for this reason I would only endorse the extracts that are available. Its totally legal and all - BUT there is no FDA in SouthEast Asia -  user beware.......