Aa
IF YOU FALL DOWN GET BACK UP. WHY CANT I....
I had it all in my eyes. I had the hot wife, good kids, good job,nice toys, everything. Now i have a 2 inch scare on my back. I was clean for nine years ten months fourteen days. then surgery then fn pain KILLERS.. I have no fight left in me.to get life. I think I quit. Thanks for everything. thank you sara you helped....
I am so impressed by your time of over 9 years. The longest I ever managed off booze was 2 1/2 years - then I fell off the wagon. Quit again though - now on a year. And only 6 days off friggin painkillers. They are evil. And it kinda sneaks up on you. Ok - you feel crap & tired today - I don't blame you. It's utterly dis-spiriting and soul destroying some days. But you'll get your fight back - you will. Have faith. That 9 years didn't come from nowhere - you did that. And you can do it again. But for now, don't worry about the next 9 years. Focus on the next five minutes. That's all. I wish you all the luck in the world.
when i was shipped off to rehab it seemed like the end of the world. it turned out to be the beginning. finding recovery didn't merely "give me my life back," it truly gave me a new life that was better in every way from anything i had before . . . better than anything i knew was possible.
the key for me (and many others i know) was finding a way to let go and stop the resistance. i had to stop fighting everyone and everything. i had to make an unconditional surrender.
i had to learn to be HONEST, OPEN and WILLING . . . because that's HOW we recover.
accept the help that will be offered to you in MN without reservation. trust the process. it often seems upside down or backwards, like it's telling you to GO LEFT, when quite obviously you need to GO RIGHT. trust the process anyway -- it works. if i had trusted myself instead of the process, i'd be locked up or dead now. instead, i received all The Promises of recovery:
The Promises
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”
The Big Book Page 83-84.
I remember hearing The Promises read at a meeting when i first got to rehab and i thought (knew) "there's just no way . . . that's not possible . . . it will never happen."
but there is a way, it is possible and it does happen.
the truly AMAZING thing is that it's not that hard . . . it seems hard at times, but the truth is that recovery really is the easier, softer way. life in active addiction or alcoholism is HARD.
you're embarking on a great journey that will change your life if you let it.
let it.
CATUF
2481
the key for me (and many others i know) was finding a way to let go and stop the resistance. i had to stop fighting everyone and everything. i had to make an unconditional surrender.
i had to learn to be HONEST, OPEN and WILLING . . . because that's HOW we recover.
accept the help that will be offered to you in MN without reservation. trust the process. it often seems upside down or backwards, like it's telling you to GO LEFT, when quite obviously you need to GO RIGHT. trust the process anyway -- it works. if i had trusted myself instead of the process, i'd be locked up or dead now. instead, i received all The Promises of recovery:
The Promises
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”
The Big Book Page 83-84.
I remember hearing The Promises read at a meeting when i first got to rehab and i thought (knew) "there's just no way . . . that's not possible . . . it will never happen."
but there is a way, it is possible and it does happen.
the truly AMAZING thing is that it's not that hard . . . it seems hard at times, but the truth is that recovery really is the easier, softer way. life in active addiction or alcoholism is HARD.
you're embarking on a great journey that will change your life if you let it.
let it.
CATUF
2481
I hope all goes well. I wish there was something besides the pills to help with pain or at least wish the docs could try something else and not take the easy way out. I think they are getting it although. Look what has happened in Canada and Britain.
Peace
Peace
Im so happy for you! Im glad that you are taking this step. You will see soon enough! ((hugs))~Bkitty
And so i am off to MN. I go in Saturday Should be fun and also hard.Thanks for the comment.
thank you, I am going to go through treatment again. I start Saturday and it lasts up to 90 days.I have got to get my sh*^ back together before I loose the ones most dear to me. I will come on this site when they let me. keep you posted
COMMUNITY LEADER
Giving up is NOT an option warden. I am 50 yrs old and i dont have a pot to pee in but i dont care, i have me for the 1st time in my life, i have my kids and grandbabies and that is what is important. Material things mean nothing to me anymore. My sobriety and family have taken that place. You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore. Now dig deep and come out fighting with everything you have. I know you can do it~~sara
i was clean and sober for 7 years and 9 months, when a serious injury, followed by surgery, put me on pain killers for an extended period.
i had no idea what kind of odyssey had just started and if someone had been able to tell me the future, i would have said "not possible . . . 90% of that couldn't possibly happen . . . i'd quit long before any of that."
in june of 2005 i found myself at my second rehab in six months. how had this happened again?? i was completely broken and suffering from incomprehensible demoralization.
it was clear to me that i had ruined everything, that i had lost everything, that i was hopeless . . . it was bad enough that i had quit and relapsed too many times to count, but i had spent 30 days at an in-patient rehab only to relapse in less than 48 hours and end up worse than ever.
and it was bad. it had started with pain killers from the doc, then from multiple docs, then from the street, then to various street drugs to bridge the gaps in the supply of opiates that was absolutely necessary to life, until the day i ended up on the end of a crack stem . . . SHAZAM . . . pill problem solved.
talk about jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire! i was already in late-stage addiction, so i took off like a crazy bat out of hell. i became an outlaw and soon looked like i was days from death with end-stage cancer.
as far as i could see, it was completely hopeless and i was absolutely worthless - i had gone to a place from which there was obviously no return. the only reason i didn't commit suicide (and i came close) was that i knew that would be awful for my four kids.
as i look back on it now, that last, long relapse was the best thing that ever happened to me. it finally gave me what my all my attempts at quitting had been missing . . . the ability to quit fighting and to surrender.
i thought i had to try harder, to be more determined, to refuse to give up, to never say "uncle" . . . all the things that had served me well in the military and in every other aspect of my life (especially the tough spots) . . . until it came to a fight with addiction. there i found, all the rules are upside down.
find people who have the recovery that you want. ask for the help they want to give you and accept it. trust the help and follow directions, even when it doesn't make any sense to you . . . if you knew how to stop, you would have done it already.
you stand at the turning point. you're exactly where you need to be to finally get what you want. it's very scary to let go, but it will save your life.
find NA's "basic text" on line and read the first five chapters. do the same with AA's "big book. that's a good place to start.
in recovery, the one who surrenders the most wins.
just surrender, you can win.
CATUF
2477
i had no idea what kind of odyssey had just started and if someone had been able to tell me the future, i would have said "not possible . . . 90% of that couldn't possibly happen . . . i'd quit long before any of that."
in june of 2005 i found myself at my second rehab in six months. how had this happened again?? i was completely broken and suffering from incomprehensible demoralization.
it was clear to me that i had ruined everything, that i had lost everything, that i was hopeless . . . it was bad enough that i had quit and relapsed too many times to count, but i had spent 30 days at an in-patient rehab only to relapse in less than 48 hours and end up worse than ever.
and it was bad. it had started with pain killers from the doc, then from multiple docs, then from the street, then to various street drugs to bridge the gaps in the supply of opiates that was absolutely necessary to life, until the day i ended up on the end of a crack stem . . . SHAZAM . . . pill problem solved.
talk about jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire! i was already in late-stage addiction, so i took off like a crazy bat out of hell. i became an outlaw and soon looked like i was days from death with end-stage cancer.
as far as i could see, it was completely hopeless and i was absolutely worthless - i had gone to a place from which there was obviously no return. the only reason i didn't commit suicide (and i came close) was that i knew that would be awful for my four kids.
as i look back on it now, that last, long relapse was the best thing that ever happened to me. it finally gave me what my all my attempts at quitting had been missing . . . the ability to quit fighting and to surrender.
i thought i had to try harder, to be more determined, to refuse to give up, to never say "uncle" . . . all the things that had served me well in the military and in every other aspect of my life (especially the tough spots) . . . until it came to a fight with addiction. there i found, all the rules are upside down.
find people who have the recovery that you want. ask for the help they want to give you and accept it. trust the help and follow directions, even when it doesn't make any sense to you . . . if you knew how to stop, you would have done it already.
you stand at the turning point. you're exactly where you need to be to finally get what you want. it's very scary to let go, but it will save your life.
find NA's "basic text" on line and read the first five chapters. do the same with AA's "big book. that's a good place to start.
in recovery, the one who surrenders the most wins.
just surrender, you can win.
CATUF
2477
Oh I so understand your frustration. Life sure throws up roadblocks, doesn't it? As others have said, you obviously have lots of strength. You were clean for a long time. You can do it again. I know what it's like to want to throw in the towel. Deep down, though, you know you don't want to do that.
Keep posting. Vent. Start going to meetings or therapy. Surgery is a traumatic experience. I know how it is to hate to admit you need help. Yet at some point we all do.
Good luck. I believe you can reach inside and conquer this again.
Blessings and peace to you,
Minn
Keep posting. Vent. Start going to meetings or therapy. Surgery is a traumatic experience. I know how it is to hate to admit you need help. Yet at some point we all do.
Good luck. I believe you can reach inside and conquer this again.
Blessings and peace to you,
Minn
Okay you went that long without it, you are obviously strong willed. What are you going to do about it? No enabling, we all go through this but when you fall you get back up. Wipe yourself off and start again at the beginning one day at a time. Going to A.A. and I would choose there instead of N.A.same principles but they all want to succeed at fixing their habit. They are well and succeed. 12 steps you need the support. So what are you going to do?
HI your story is familiar except the clean time but lots of us go back to using from surgery your in pain the pills are there and where addicts dont beat yourself up move forward you cant change the past but you do have some say so in the future it .....you have been givin a new chance on life use it to better your self and others you can do this if you want it bad enough good luck and God bless........Gnarly
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