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I'm Ready for this fight with Suboxone
Good Morning everyone, I have been reading the post for a while now and they have really helped. Well it's my turn to fight for my life back and let me tell you I'm so scared it's not even funny. So here's my story I have been on suboxone for 2 years now started at 8 mg and have been able to get myself down to 2mg for some reason I can't get myself down any lower. I have 6mg left which will make Thursday my last day. And after that a new person will be born. I was on vicodin about 6-8 750's a day due to a back injury then back surgery after that. Couldn't take the vic withdrawal so my family doctor referred me to the sub doc. and that is were it all started. I'm so ready for this I have to do it I have no more subs left and I'm not going back to the sub doctor I don't feel he has my best interest at heart. So this is my plan if anyone has any advise please I need all I can get. I have bought all the vitamins that are needed for withdrawal. I have zanax and tynoel 3. I plan on making a doctors appt. today to get some clodine I heard that works. I know this is a huge step but I have to do I want to be normal I don't want pills I want to be me, the person that I know is deep inside who is screaming to come out. I know I have a rough road ahead but I'm ready. I'm keeping two jornauals of my progress so I share with people when I'm done. Again any support or input would be so appericate.
Good Evening,
Thank you so much for your responds. I feel so guilty right now for not telling my husband. He is so naive to the disease just got done telling me how much better I'm acting, and how well I did beating this (the subs) he is my best friends also and we keep no secrets from each other (except this one). It's so hard I have never really lied to him like this. He keeps telling me that a dumb doctor got me on this crap and I'm not an addicted, he says you hurt yourself and was on pain meds for a long time what do I think will happen. While I was going through the withdrawal I would just look at him and my children and just start crying because I'm the one that holds us all together and they were so lost without me. They were so worried about me I can't do that to them again. I'm so afraid if I tell my husband about the subs again he will be upset with me. I really just want to try to ween down super low and try to jump and try to hide. I know it's wrong and I shouldn't hide this from him but I'm so ashamed of myself. Why do I have to go through this? Why I can't I learn to feel "normal" or learn to feel it's like when I go into withdrawal I go crazy because it helps me feel again. I know I need to go to meetings but I started seeing a therpist last week he's okay but I don't feel he get's me. I know I need to tell him the truth but I don't want him to be mad at me. I'm just so upset and dissapointed in myself.
I hope your feeling better Wolf your almost free you should be so proud of yourself. And Jaybay thank you so much for the support you are really nice and made me think about a few things.
Take care my friends
Thank you so much for your responds. I feel so guilty right now for not telling my husband. He is so naive to the disease just got done telling me how much better I'm acting, and how well I did beating this (the subs) he is my best friends also and we keep no secrets from each other (except this one). It's so hard I have never really lied to him like this. He keeps telling me that a dumb doctor got me on this crap and I'm not an addicted, he says you hurt yourself and was on pain meds for a long time what do I think will happen. While I was going through the withdrawal I would just look at him and my children and just start crying because I'm the one that holds us all together and they were so lost without me. They were so worried about me I can't do that to them again. I'm so afraid if I tell my husband about the subs again he will be upset with me. I really just want to try to ween down super low and try to jump and try to hide. I know it's wrong and I shouldn't hide this from him but I'm so ashamed of myself. Why do I have to go through this? Why I can't I learn to feel "normal" or learn to feel it's like when I go into withdrawal I go crazy because it helps me feel again. I know I need to go to meetings but I started seeing a therpist last week he's okay but I don't feel he get's me. I know I need to tell him the truth but I don't want him to be mad at me. I'm just so upset and dissapointed in myself.
I hope your feeling better Wolf your almost free you should be so proud of yourself. And Jaybay thank you so much for the support you are really nice and made me think about a few things.
Take care my friends
Hi,
I've posted to you B4. I'm Jaybays Hubby and have to make this short because I feel pretty crappy right now, day 14 (?) with no Sub no nada after 1.5 years from 16 mg. to 3mg to jump off. This is my second attempt and I WILL get there from here. My first attempt I ramped myself down to 1 mg. daily and jumped off to to 0 for seven days. It was no fun. I caved and called the Doc. He prescribed Tylenol 3's and more subs (sound familiar?)
I fired this Doc and found another with a good soul. He is quite knowlageable and said some folks cannot get off using slow rampdown which was my case. He had me on 3mg. maint., used me for a lab rat for something he had heard at a seminar. He put me on 16 mg for three days, then one day at 8mg, to Omg. It has something to to do with the ceiling effect of the drug. The Docs still do not understand how this stuff works on the Brain. It is Evil.
Attempt 2 has not been any fun at all, on the contrary. But I can say that it is not near as bad as attempt 1. Your emotions are part of WD. I'm an old Biker and have cried my eyes out daily recently We all have our reasons to use opiates/opiods, some cause they just like to get high. Most though have an issue that the drug masks whether they realize it or not (myself included). Please consider taking your man to your next Doc meeting. Anyone that has no physical/mental experience with addiction will not get it.
All the best.
I've posted to you B4. I'm Jaybays Hubby and have to make this short because I feel pretty crappy right now, day 14 (?) with no Sub no nada after 1.5 years from 16 mg. to 3mg to jump off. This is my second attempt and I WILL get there from here. My first attempt I ramped myself down to 1 mg. daily and jumped off to to 0 for seven days. It was no fun. I caved and called the Doc. He prescribed Tylenol 3's and more subs (sound familiar?)
I fired this Doc and found another with a good soul. He is quite knowlageable and said some folks cannot get off using slow rampdown which was my case. He had me on 3mg. maint., used me for a lab rat for something he had heard at a seminar. He put me on 16 mg for three days, then one day at 8mg, to Omg. It has something to to do with the ceiling effect of the drug. The Docs still do not understand how this stuff works on the Brain. It is Evil.
Attempt 2 has not been any fun at all, on the contrary. But I can say that it is not near as bad as attempt 1. Your emotions are part of WD. I'm an old Biker and have cried my eyes out daily recently We all have our reasons to use opiates/opiods, some cause they just like to get high. Most though have an issue that the drug masks whether they realize it or not (myself included). Please consider taking your man to your next Doc meeting. Anyone that has no physical/mental experience with addiction will not get it.
All the best.
Don't beat yourself up so much for not being able to jump from 2 mg. My husband is on his THIRD jump from sub. He never made it past a week with the previous attempts. This time looks like a keeper, but he is an emotional disaster zone. It really is shocking what sub does to emotions.
DH has detoxed more than once in his life - heroin and methadone and pretty much any opiate he could cram in his body - and he says Sub is Satan himself when it comes to detox. But, we believed the glowing, no-pain, easy-detox BS the sub doc/ pusher had to say and here he is. The Sub doc also gave him a few tylenol 3's after 5 or 6 days of Hell and they had zero impact on the withdrawal symptoms. It's just really awful stuff for your brain to recover from if you've taken it for more than a month.
Gnarly is SO RIGHT when he encourages you to "work your recovery" and get some help while you're stable and before you jump again. You need to have some more mental tools at your disposal to get through the detox and on the road to recovery. Posting on an internet forum is all well and good, but nothing is as effective as the personal touch.
Have you thought about asking your husband to go with you to your next doc appointment? Have you told him you're back on it again? You're going to have to tell him before you jump. He saw what happened last time and he will recognize the symptoms. It's not fair to either one of you to keep this a secret.
Addiction is terribly hard for the non-addict to understand. Sometimes they just need to hear the facts from an "expert" in a white coat before it sinks in. You know and I know and everyone else here knows it's not a matter of willpower and simply walking away from the pills. It's mostly about killing emotional pain and then turns into finding enough of the drug of choice to be "normal" enough to get through the day. Seriously, he should consider sitting in on a few Alanon meetings if for nothing else than the educational value.
Seriously hoping and praying that this time will go much better for you. :-)
DH has detoxed more than once in his life - heroin and methadone and pretty much any opiate he could cram in his body - and he says Sub is Satan himself when it comes to detox. But, we believed the glowing, no-pain, easy-detox BS the sub doc/ pusher had to say and here he is. The Sub doc also gave him a few tylenol 3's after 5 or 6 days of Hell and they had zero impact on the withdrawal symptoms. It's just really awful stuff for your brain to recover from if you've taken it for more than a month.
Gnarly is SO RIGHT when he encourages you to "work your recovery" and get some help while you're stable and before you jump again. You need to have some more mental tools at your disposal to get through the detox and on the road to recovery. Posting on an internet forum is all well and good, but nothing is as effective as the personal touch.
Have you thought about asking your husband to go with you to your next doc appointment? Have you told him you're back on it again? You're going to have to tell him before you jump. He saw what happened last time and he will recognize the symptoms. It's not fair to either one of you to keep this a secret.
Addiction is terribly hard for the non-addict to understand. Sometimes they just need to hear the facts from an "expert" in a white coat before it sinks in. You know and I know and everyone else here knows it's not a matter of willpower and simply walking away from the pills. It's mostly about killing emotional pain and then turns into finding enough of the drug of choice to be "normal" enough to get through the day. Seriously, he should consider sitting in on a few Alanon meetings if for nothing else than the educational value.
Seriously hoping and praying that this time will go much better for you. :-)
Good Morning my new friends, still weening from the subs this ***** by the way lol. I hope everyone woke up today with positive thoughts and love in their heart. I wanted to share a few feelings I have been having lately.
Sometimes I wonder why I love the feeling that opiates gave me I wonder if it is because I knew my father was a heroin addicted and I seen drug abuse by him when I was younger? Why are so many of us a like on here? I mean think about it you can read everyone's story on here and most of us have similar ones and some are different but we all seem to have one thing in common I noticed we all are sensitive people who are really down on ourselves. Do you think that's why we love the opiates? It masks that sensitivity we all feel, does it make us feel stronger or not make us feel so we don't have to deal with our sensitivity? Why do I always think everything is my fault? I think this is what helped lead me to addiction. I'm so glad to be thinking about these things now to know I have a few things I need to fix. I need to learn to love myself sober and not think that I need to have that "pill feeling" just to go shopping or hang out with friends. One of my most fav things to do would be to get a coffee, starbucks or something like that and pop a vic and I was ready for my day. It was like the caffeine and the vic loved each other it gave me a great buzz (I always found that weird). Sorry for rambling this morning but just wanted to write. Have a wonderful day everyone!
Sometimes I wonder why I love the feeling that opiates gave me I wonder if it is because I knew my father was a heroin addicted and I seen drug abuse by him when I was younger? Why are so many of us a like on here? I mean think about it you can read everyone's story on here and most of us have similar ones and some are different but we all seem to have one thing in common I noticed we all are sensitive people who are really down on ourselves. Do you think that's why we love the opiates? It masks that sensitivity we all feel, does it make us feel stronger or not make us feel so we don't have to deal with our sensitivity? Why do I always think everything is my fault? I think this is what helped lead me to addiction. I'm so glad to be thinking about these things now to know I have a few things I need to fix. I need to learn to love myself sober and not think that I need to have that "pill feeling" just to go shopping or hang out with friends. One of my most fav things to do would be to get a coffee, starbucks or something like that and pop a vic and I was ready for my day. It was like the caffeine and the vic loved each other it gave me a great buzz (I always found that weird). Sorry for rambling this morning but just wanted to write. Have a wonderful day everyone!
I thought I was the only who suffered from depression and thought I found the miracle drug what ever you do, do not stay on it long it off asap! I have been on it for 2years and the ones who don't suffer horrible withdrawals usually are the ones who only take it shortly. I want off so bad. Good Luck 2 u!
I am currently on subs also...almost a week now. Before I turned to the subs I was taking 20+ perc 10/oxy a day, so when I went to the sub doc he told me I could take up to 16mgs a day, but I decided to take 8mgs. split 3xs daily. As of yesterday I dropped my dose to 6mgs 3xs a day. So far so good!
I totally hear ya on the mental thing! I have been labeled "major depressive disorder with anxiety"...so that is my biggest fear too! I took the pills for pain but then I realized I had the added "benefit" of no depression...thought I had found my miracle drug...yea right!!
I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and sending strength and Blessings your way! The best to you...Lisa
I totally hear ya on the mental thing! I have been labeled "major depressive disorder with anxiety"...so that is my biggest fear too! I took the pills for pain but then I realized I had the added "benefit" of no depression...thought I had found my miracle drug...yea right!!
I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and sending strength and Blessings your way! The best to you...Lisa
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