mom's favorite name for me

[littlelolo]

My daughter, 23y.o., has a past history of drug use as a teen.  She was in rehab for 19 months.  She has been living independantly since she was 18 & doing fairly well, we thought.  In Dec of this year.'08 she moved in with us with her 2 y.o. son.  She admitted to someone else today that she has use oxycontin in the past and then used another drug (?) to get off it.  Claims she has not used for I month.  She lies quite a lot so this other person & I don't know if we can believe her.
I wonder what the symptoms of current, but I don't think heavy,use (if she is still) might be.  The things I see are being unusually messy, poor hygiene, does not interact/play very much with her baby altho she does change his diapers whenever needed.  Does not pay attention to his nutrition, jokes that he could go all day without eating and not complain.  She leaves him at the sitters for long periods e.g 1-3 days, I'm told.  She is sweeter to be around than when she was a teen, but who isn't, right?  But does not pitch in willingly with dinner prep/clean up.  Her car looks like a trash dump.  She has to walk over her dirty clothes carpeting the floor.  
Something is wrong with her.  I'm suspecting that these are symptoms of continued use, perhaps.
What does anyone else whose been there think?

[LateAugust]

Here are a few signs of oxy abuse:   eye pupils will not dialate, and are extremely small (regardless of the light they are tiny the size of the end of a pencil).  Inability to hold a job or education, I am not talking about a lack of interest,  I mean a total lack of inabiltiy to perform normal daily functions, unless they are able to take a hit of oxy every hour or so..   total lack of personal hygiene, doing laundry  or basic picking up after themselves.   Every word out of their mouth is a lie or a manipulation to get monies for more drugs....  stealing from you  or anyone else that has any value that they can pawn  or forge to buy more oxy.     Extreme mood swings,   estactic and pleasant to be around when they are semi high,      nodding out and deep sleep when they have reached their ultimate goal of numbness,  incredibly irritable when they are out of options and havent used to feed their addiction.   Look for track marks  when they can't get oxy because it is so expensive they  will turn to heroin.    They may also buy suboxone (again it is a lot cheaper than oxy) to either get them thru to the next oxy or  will abuse sub trying to get a similar buzz.

I am the mom of a 21 yr old oxy addict.   She doesn't have a child, but if she did she would not be capable of taking care of a baby  and her desire/need for oxy would take priority over her child in a nano second.      Yes we did an intervention and yes she wanted help  and she has gone thru treatment  and psychiatrists  and addiction councelors.......     I attend alanon  also have a councelor so I don't completely loose my mind........   but   I had no idea of how incideous this drug is and the mental hold it has on the abuser.   I have gone thru w/d with her more than a few times,  that is the easy part....the mental is amazing,  I truly had no idea, even with all the experts.

My advise to you, is to take care of that baby and do whatever you need to IF your daughter is addicted to oxy.    The road to get your daughter clean  will take more than just a treatment center.  You need to know what you can and can't do,  and follow thru with whatever you say to your daughter as what your limits and expectations are for her sobriety.   Quite frankly I pray you are wrong,  but if you are not,  the ramifications of this drug are so incredibly huge  you won't be able to ignore them for very long.     My child smokes oxy......look for the tin foil,  if  you daugher is using a lot you will find it in her purse, pockets, closet,ect.  hollow pens, half straws.

Please dont misunderstand,  I will fight for my daughters life with all of my being,  I am just trying to be honest with you that IF your daughter has a severe addiction to oxy, it truly will be one of the hardest fights of you life.

My thoughts are with you........

Please make sure you know for sure that she is using........  I thought I knew  but I truly was not prepared for how hideous this drug is and  what it does to our children.  

I apologize if this seems too harsh or blunt ,  I only wish I would have had some idea of what I was embarking on when I thought a treatment center could give me my child back, the beautiful and intelligent girl that she was.......

[badsneakers]

hi, I have never been part of an intervention, but heres my two cents...
# 1  the Most important person in the whole scenario is the baby...safety/health/everything.  If you feel that he/she is compromised I think you must take some kind of action.  

#2  You don't really know what kind of drugs your daughter is on for sure, but you are pretty sure she's on drugs...All I can say to that is she will only quit if she wants to, not because you tell her too...but I think exposing her and giving her a chance to come clean about what she is doing is a good way to gauge that.

All can think, really, is to save the baby...at whatever cost.

[littlelolo]

I am fairly certain that my daughter is using oxycontin, maybe other stuff.  I will have her back home next week.  This is the plan we and other of the extended family are considering & I'd like your feed back.  Have the family members get together with her for an intervention - (cept all I know is what they do on TV), i.e. basically telling her with our arms around her that we all KNOW but only after we have in place a place for her to go for rehab, if she chooses.  I would go as far as telling her that if she  doesn't make a choice or if she decides to run, I will call CPS.  She will not drag her baby around if she is doing drugs.  Then I would care for him while she went thru withdrawals.
So...my point, my question is who has done an intervention?  Would you recommend a professional be present?  

[badsneakers]

crack, heroine, meth and coke can all be smoked

[littlelolo]

Can oxycontin be smoked in any manner?  What other drugs are smoked, excluding weed?
Mom

[newmanagment]

oxy can be taken as a pill to get high, but most break em up and snort em. some choose to crush em and shoot em, gets em were they are tryin to go faster. no clue wut pills she wuz talking about, but that really doesnt matter. if she is stating she is sick as hell, she wuz starting to go into withdraws, which means she is addicted. and the fact she says she doesnt know which pill to take leads me to believe she is using more than just one kind.
biggest issue here is , who has her kid?!
you have to confront her, and look after your grandbaby. the kid is the only true innocent one here, and cant tell mom how he feels yet , so you have to do it.

[littlelolo]

Re: post Dec 30 7:18PM
Co you have an idea about what "pills" she was talking about in an email?
What are the forms in which oxycontin can be taken?
Mom

[littlelolo]

Re: post Dec 30 7:18PM
Co you have an idea about what "pills" she was talking about in an email?
What are the forms in which oxycontin can be taken?
Chelsea's Mom

[newmanagment]

ya have to confront her face to face, and ya have to make her aware of the fact that you are done enabling her. you have to let her sink or swim, else she may never hit rock bottom and start to clean up. she wont do it for her kid, or you, she has to do it for herself.

[littlelolo]

My daughter is not actually here now, left a few days before Christmas in Seattle with other relatives.  Has not been able to return yet because of snow.  She confessed to her birth mom (who called me)about her using oxycontin.Told her she's not on it now.  Then I snooped into her E-mail & on Dec 8 she wrote to boyfriend "I'm sick as hell...don't know which one of these pills to take".  I won't confront her until I can do so in person.  Do you know what pills she might have meant?....She told me a few months ago that one of her best friends was put in rehab for oxycontin use.  This guy had been here to visit with my daughter in June and she said he was taking "some pills" because he couldn't take oxycontin while here.
I'm just sick to death with worry.  We'll be going to Seattle June 5 to pick her up after a court hearing for a traffic violation but it's driving me crazy to wait.  I want to confront her now.

[newmanagment]

if ya do a lil checkin , you will find that most teen (or earlier in some cases like mine) addiction can cuase alot of problems in early adulthood. they say that we dont grow emotionally past the age when we started using. somethin bout our minds not letting go of our childhood, etc., etc.... this could be the case. she may still be how old she was when she started using in her own head. there is a clinical name for this, tho my burnt up mind cant recall wut that is LOL.
as for her not playing much wit  her baby, maybe she isnt really ready to be a mom yet. her mind could still be feeling resentment for not getting to be a kid herself. she could have experienced post partem depression, and never came out of it.
as for wondering if she is using dope, call her on it. ask her if she is using , and if she says no, ask her to take a pee test. they can be bought at walgreens. she is living in your house, so she has to agree to pee, or ya gotta get tough.

[nuredshuz]

Also, she could be just alittle immature. You just described most  young folks that really have not matured very much past teenage years. Could be she is jsut taking advantage of you cuz shes back in your house. Lots of "kids" turn back into slobs when they move back into their parents homes because they expect mom to do all the work....Im not trying to be contraversial just "open minded"....I'd look for being tired, falling alseep easily, quick trips to the bathroom, quick phone calls then leaving for a bit, stuff like that would be more suspect to me than immature sloppy behavior that alot of teen/early 20s "kids" do....best of luck to you...I hope your daughters not using and I hope you all work things out...peace

[ronny3]

Im sorry, but it seems you might already know she uses and its just hard to believe it....I started drugs when i was 17, im now 26 and unfortunately my parents were in denial for many years.  Its hard beause you want to believe your child, but at the same time when they finally confronted me i said dont worry ill stop and it just didnt work i was lying because i didnt want to stop i liked life better high on drugs(sad reality).  I dont know how to say this, but she has to want this or you have to find a way to get her to goto rehab.  My girlfriends sister is abusing drugs and has a 3 year old daughter and the only thing they can do now, is unfortunately tell her they will take the baby from her untill she goes and gets clean....

[ochooked]

Well, ------ "If it walks like a duck ----- Quacks like a duck --- Then it is probaby a _____?"   Sorry, didn't want to be disrespectful - just wanted to point out the obvious.  Surely you know your daughter better than anyone else -  so, if you see the signs, then others are also seeing them.  May be time for a serious 'intervention'  -- there is an innocent baby now in the mix ---and should be protected -- if not by the mother, then surely you have some strong attachments to your grandchild.   I would recommend some research (i.e. snooping) to locate the bottle of pills -- see who the doctor is - contact them -- etc (that's assuming it is a legal Rx) -- if not -  still get some information --  You said she is living in your home --- ever hear of a drug test -- you can buy them at any drug store -- have one ready and offer her the opportunity to prove that she in not using.  Lots of options here --- You just need to be the strong one.  It's called "Tough Love"   All the best.