I'm desperate for advice from those in recovery

[Michelle41NJ]

Hi, I'm Michelle, 41 years old and pregnant with a addicts baby.  It's a very long, complicated story but bottom line is someone took advantage of my mind, body, soul, bank account, and trust.  I know deep down inside he has a good heart, however, he is ruled by the abuse he's suffered from childhood and life in general.  It breaks my heart.. He was someone I would never date or have a relationship because I knew our lives would never mesh.  I was staying with him while I recovered from neck fusion and he took advantage of the situation while I was medicated.. So, I can't tell you what a surprise it was to find out I was pregnant when to my knowledge I had not been intimate with anyone in over a year.  Seems he didn't realize I wasnt aware of what was going on.. hmmmmmmmmmmmm Anyway.. so here I am pregnant.. and what was I to do?  I figured the only chance he had was for me to step in and kick him in his *** and try to get him on the road to recovery.  

His background :  started drinking in high school, acted out horribly due to physical and emotional abuse of his father.  At age 21 he found cocaine.  He had a love affair with that drug until May 31, 2008.  He is now 37 and spent all those years using and abusing.  He and his ex wife.. well there whole relationship was based on getting high and drinking.. they had no real relationship.. I do remember him telling me that he never wanted that again.. that kind of gig where only drugs are the common bond.  He hasnt had a valid drivers license for 18 years, was in jail for a minor offense, arrested 30 times.  He is a pathological liar.  Lied to me about the drugs, and so many other things.  But one thing has always rang true with him, his desire to have a stable, normal family.  Since he found out I was pregnant he stopped everything.. was seeing a therapist, goes to AA meetings 3-4 times a week. He just go his drivers license back today, stopped smoking, and will go to parenting classes.. HOWEVER I know addicts will say anything to get what they want, and he wants me.  

My question is:  Can people change? Is it insane for me to try to help him.  I put up with zero BS.  He broke ties with old friends, turned in he dealers... he is kept on a very short lease, my hope is he will learn to love his new life that the consequences of losing it will help keep him sober.  I just don't know if someone with that long history is change possible... he is like a child, doesnt know how to have a relationship at all.  I was married for 20 years.. I have normal, well balanced kids.. blows my mind he and his ex wife did drugs and drank during her pregnancy... I know I can go to alanon meetings but I'm stuck in bed till the baby come due to being so high risk.. Thank you for taking time to read this and give me your input..

Peace, Love and Happiness..
Michelle

[laurel453]

guau, and it's not because of my english this time  but i do not understand a thing.

only wish you luck with whatever you decide, michelle, buena suerte  

[Michelle41NJ]

Ahhhhhhhh Lisa.. it's ok.. LOL I'm 41.. the day I let what strangers think or say about me effect who I am I'll jump off the bridge. I've learned that those who are so quick to judge are most unhappy with themselves.  I have received a ton of wonderful email on here.  I don't expect everyone to understand, nor quite frankly do I care.  It's just redundant that I re write the same things over and over.. that what I say is missed or just not understood. but thanks again, from the bottom of my heart.  What you give of yourself is truly a gift..

Peace, Love & Happiness..

Michelle

[liscamdave]

Geez louise...this poor girl is probably not to thrilled she came here for advice...

Michelle, only you can make that desicion...I hope things work out for you in the long run....

Lisa

[tramaddi]

I forget was there a question here or something? or are u simply trying to justify or receive accolates for being the savior.  Whatever makes u happy I suppose, personally I wouldn't waste my time baby or not.

[Michelle41NJ]

And if you re read.. I was not on the same medication.. for my neck it was dulliudae and adavain for my gastric by pass, where I was much sicker it was Oxyfast...

[Michelle41NJ]

I had gastric bypass in 2000.  I almost died.. I went down to 75 pounds.. When the surgery was done the dr. pinched my vegas nerve so everything I ate and drank was vomited... the only way I could eat a bite was being medicated.  After 2 years of being in the hospital on and off, losing my gall bladder and 2 bowl obstruction surgeries, I had my gastric by pass reversed and went off of all medication.

March 21, 2008, I had my cervical neck fused.. During my recovery from that I developed a staff infection.. I was very ill.. I found out I was pregnant after I had stopped my medication however, I would say there was 2 weeks I was pregnant and medicated..

They are two different events in my life..

Should have just asked.. it's not all that interesteing