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I'm scared
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I'm scared

Tomorrow I'm going to my doc and telling her I want off my pain meds I'm done I can't live like this anymore counting my pills running out spending money we don't have to buy them I have a really bad back I pray I can work without these horrible pills I pray God helps me through this I don't even know me anymore how could I let this get out of control like this I just want off this horrible rollercoaster ride I'm short again on my pills and I'm not gonna buy them I'm done I have very high blood pressure so I need my doctor help I don't want to die from this I want to live again I want to be happy again I want to wake up in the morning and not reach for a pill to stop the withdrawal God please help me
16 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845 tn?1452625053
Hi and sorry the pain and anxiety your going through. You might try to do a slow taper and ease off them. Its a little tricky but can work. It just takes time and a bit of trying. Right now your in a panic condition but what  you need is a plan not panic. It will take time but its very possible to accomplish this and we can be by your side to help you.
We cant advise dosage but try to find the times you really dont need them and are taking them just out of habit and not withdrawal feelings. During this process there will come a time that you will some some little control and this little control will lead to more and eventually this will be something to look back on.
dave
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Avatar m tn
Thanks Dave I trust my doctor so I want to be honest with her I can't keep going like this I can't I looks in the mirror I don't see me anymore I see ugly I use to be so care free so loving not Anymore I'm nasty most the time want to be left alone I never asked to get hurt I never should of started taking the pills I shall of tuff it out but whrn your back is killing you and you have to work you reach for that pill and when one doesn't help you take two to make sure you can make it to work to pay the bills
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Avatar m tn
Hi Corey......your words sound exactly like they came from me.  Just know...you are not alone.  I am in a state right now,,,that has me feeling numb.  To be this depressed is a horrible existence. This is the total opposite of who I really am.  Just hang on....thats what Im doing, I have 8-9 days clean today...I feel so lost mentally that I have no desire to use pain pills (percocet) again.  Your doing it....Im doing it....we will make it to the other side.  I pray its sooner than later, this is very miserable way to start summer for me..Plus I have a birthday& my anniv. in about a week!  I pray Im better by then.  That would be the ultimate gift for me. I  sit and think of how I made myself sick like this.....& alllllll the money I have spent chasing these pills. No matter how many you get your hands on...its never enough...you will run out....there is no end....I couldnt keep enough for daily use.  Plus they stopped working anyhow....I was taking them to stop withdrawal and out of habit.  I so long for my life back, and looking forward to a better life too. I will say...I hate the condition Im in...but I promise you, Im so glad I finally stopped, I always wanted to.  Its insane to be dropping pills at the same time telling myself..."you have to stop".  I had to find a way to stop myself   Yes its bad now.....but I believe it will be greater later.  Yes Im numb now,,,yes Im going thru alot,  but I am glad I stopped. Im asking god to forgive me, & please hurry and pull me out of this.  We have got to hang on...fight.....Im sending blessings your way.
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Avatar m tn
Thank you wanna be free again it's so crazy one day I'm free living a good life them bang I hurt my back I hurt my back in thoracic part no doc will touch it to repair it they have to open my chest up move my heart dislocate rib to even try to repair it so that started my horrible journey on pain pills I would rather hurt then feel the pain of pain pills I will pray God gives you a good birthday and anniversary as you deserve it it takes alot to say I'm done and you did it
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Avatar f tn
Hi Corey- You need to know that it gets better and you won't feel like this in the future. That goes for wannabe free as well. The bad, horrible, nasty, no energy feeling goes!

Corey, I'm glad you going to share this with your doctor. You need her. She may offer a taper plan for you which is best because of your hypertension. Detox causes BP to spike. There are comfort meds she can give you,also.

I don't know what and how much you take but you'll get this done and we can help. Stay in touch!
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Avatar m tn
Thanks Vicky I'm on a high dose of oxycodone 200mg a day sometimes more my biggest fear is I won't be able to work I'm a server so I'm on my feet all day long if need be my husband and I feel I could work part-time as I won't be buying pills anymore I'm so ashamed of myself if you knew me you would never know  I'm a pill head I lost my baby brother 2yrs ago from herion my life is in such shambles right now my husband is clueless on how much money I have thrown away on these nasty pills I really don't want to taper I want togo in a det
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Avatar m tn
Thanks Vicky I'm on a high dose of oxycodone 200mg a day sometimes more my biggest fear is I won't be able to work I'm a server so I'm on my feet all day long if need be my husband and I feel I could work part-time as I won't be buying pills anymore I'm so ashamed of myself if you knew me you would never know  I'm a pill head I lost my baby brother 2yrs ago from herion my life is in such shambles right now my husband is clueless on how much money I have thrown away on these nasty pills I really don't want to taper I want togo in a det
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Avatar m tn
Detox be done with it and get aftercare
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Avatar f tn
You know, most of the members here are smart, hard working people who got caught up in a vicious cycle.  I understand. The good news is that you're going to stop and save money and get your self esteem back. Believe me, getting clean is something to be very proud of!

Are you saying you want to go to a detox facility?  I wouldn't recommend a cold turkey detox at the dose you take unless you were medically supervised. Let's see what your doctor says. Hang in there.
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Avatar m tn
Thanks yes I would like togo to a detox I feel taper would take to long I just want to end this now I'm not worried I will relaspe because I so desperately want my life back no more counting pills wanting to sleep in nut can't do that withdrawal wakes you up I will keep all you posted thank you so very much for the positive words of encouragement
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3197167 tn?1348972206
I think it's a great idea to go to an inpatient detox at 200 mg of oxy a day!
And you are open to after care....that's a HUGE plus for you too.
Let us know what you decide to do and we'll be rooting for you and praying for you, ok?
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Avatar m tn
Went to doctor today my blood pressure was sky high they ended up doing a EKG In the office doc said she won't start weening me till we get my BP controlled said it's not safe so I'm really upset
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Avatar m tn
Went to doctor today my blood pressure was sky high they ended up doing a EKG In the office doc said she won't start weening me till we get my BP controlled said it's not safe so I'm really upset
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Avatar m tn
hi....well it is good you found out b/4 you started my B/P went crazy for my methadone taper  it lasted 8 1/2 mo and he treated it...today Im ok with 2 B/P pills a day  but I was freaked out how high it got  heart deiase runs on both sides of my family  most guys die in there late 40s  I was 47 when I detoxed off methadone  today im 54 and dont look back  just have patence you dident become a addict over night it will take a wile to get into recovery  just know it will be so so worth it
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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Avatar m tn
Thanks gnarly I have been on here for a while and you always have kind words for people I'm  42 so I'm not a young spring chicken I just want this so bad and now but I want to be safe while I do it my daughter has been so supportive she is a vegan she won't even take a advil she believes in all natural things she lives out of state she is sending me essential oils and herbs  gonna give it a shot I have chronic pain so I have to find something for pain thanks for your kind word's
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Avatar m tn
Thanks gnarly I have been on here for a while and you always have kind words for people I'm  42 so I'm not a young spring chicken I just want this so bad and now but I want to be safe while I do it my daughter has been so supportive she is a vegan she won't even take a advil she believes in all natural things she lives out of state she is sending me essential oils and herbs  gonna give it a shot I have chronic pain so I have to find something for pain thanks for your kind word's
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