I'm so dam misserable...

[jt808]

well as i sit here at my parents house smoking and snorting oxy after oxy i just cannot seem to stop thinking which usually is not a problem for me especially after a few lines but im just so sick and tired really am this time i just cannot stop thinking about how badily ive messed up sooooo many things in my life and how i just wish i could be normal and deal with life instead of having to constantly get messed up. and the thought of contyuining to hurt my mom and dad just wont get outta my mind i wish it didnt have to be like this, but it is so now i just gota figure out a plan and stick with it whatever i do i kno that if i keep up wth the pace im going at i will probably not be here much longer (and this is the fiorst time in my 7/8 yrs of using that ive actually thought that i always thought i was under control and it wasnt that bad well lately i just kno that i def cannot keep this up at the pace im doing this at) for those of u who dont kno me i started round 7/8 yrs ago with manily norcos 10/325 or lortabs viks percs the usual at the worst point i was taki9ng about 60 a day than got down to bout 32 a day and lately id say probly like the last 8 months  i switched to oxies/roxies about 5 80 mg oxies a day give or take depending on how many i have an money situation and i take them by smoking and snorting em. so as i sit here at the computer table with a bunch of lines cut up and a piece of tim foil next to that, i just wana be done with this life i have been living for sooo dam long and as sum of u who have read my stuff before im sure ur getn real sick of me sayn same kinda stuff and geez i dont blame ya but i dont kno what else to really say all i kno is that i truly am so unhappy with me and i kno that the only way of being happy or at least normal and stable and thats geting off al this stuff i wana be a good brother a good son a good uncle a good frined a good co-worker and good in the sense that im clean not lying not under the influence 24/7 so people can actually see the real me hel the real me i dont even kno the real me any more thats kinda scary cuz its been sooo long and it doesnt matter tho i use to be scared about the real me like what if i dont like the real me but im not scared anymore cuz wow the real me has gotta be SO much beter than the me that i am now that these pills have made me become so im actually excited for the first time in whioe for the REAL me to start shining thru i kno its not gona happan over nite but i have to start somewhere and im starting asap i really have no point in posting its just taht like i said ive been siting at the computer starring at this forum since about 7 oclock and doing alota thinking and just really unhapppy with myself and my life rite now i need to just man up and do what needs to be done for me my family friends and whoever else i forget to say. anyway im just lonely and looking for sum advice or any kinda response rite now i could sure use it. so hoope everyone else out there is doing good and geting there stuff in order....

[jt808]

honestly i trukly think i am ready this time this is the first time where i actually thnbk im bad and that like u said my life is on the line i have never felt that before i always thought that i wasnt that bad or in tht bad of shape but i now see that i am totally nuts to not see the trouble tht im in and could potentisally be in. so enuf is enuf i truly belive that when i do it i fell strong about this time around, and my parents are evn actually considering ibogaine treatment which i am VERY intrested in trying cuz ive looked into it for quit sum time now so possibly an option,. either way i do it i have tio reallly really really want it cuz i def kno how how it can be. so thank u to all responded to me i was having a bad nite last nite and just needed to talk and read wht people had to say so for the few tht responded i truly appreciate u, thank u very much and good luck wth al ur ventures as well.

[dominosarah]

Nothing changes if nothing changes.  What are you willing to do to change things up here?  Your addiction is getting worse.  Your life is on the line here........You say you need to man up, then lets get you going here........What about aftercare?  This is very vital to our recovery.  Are you ready to do this?           sara

[pensacolafl26]

i'm only a few days into it, i feel like hell, people dont respond here quick enough, i'm BROKE, my car is broke, my mother and husband are addicts as well in this house. The only motivation i have is me and my baby and god, I would say, just white knuckle it, be a man, and just do it, hell thats what im doing. Yeah it's hard, but it could always be worse. I know , easier said theen done,ha, but if you have enough desire, nothing will stop you

[jt808]

so ur startn too huh, wht was ur doc?  how u gona do it ct taper sub?

[neeshysman]

Sounds like you know what you gotta do.

Easier said than done huh?

I'm starting in a couple days if you wanna join.

Wish I could offer some advice but I'm just as lost as you.

Hang in there.