Went 3 days then relapse, W/D had horrorable dreams/Nightmares

[oxy22]

Heres the deal.. Im trying to get clean and was doing fine, Day 3 BUT my 80 year old father is also out of his meds, oxy 5mg, and going through terrible w/ds.. I cant take to see him like that so i called somebody and got a few pills.. 10mg hydro.. I sliped up and cut a pill in half.. 5mg hydro for myself.. Im flying rightnow.. but its not the same.. I dont like the feeling anymore.. kinda makes me naushious, anyway.. being that I live with my father and i would have been day 3 clean and feeling fine if it wasnt for him suffering, i am trying to tapper him down.. i gave him a 10mg pill just for today and 5mg tomorrow.. HELP I NEED ADVICE.. I was doing so good now i was so tempted and I failed.. Im sorta crying cuz of this situation.. btw i have to get off the pills myself cuz im moving soon back to Florida and want a new life again.. THIS IS VERY VERY DIFFICULT.. Im so much stonger then this as i went from 60mg OXY CONTTIN C/T was pure hell for 2 weeks.. and I cant seem to kick a 10 mg a day lortab addiction.. FML

[LeaAnn807]

Ok, you said that you can't go through WD right now but then also said that you don't really have any, so why did you take the pill?  Packing can be a good distraction.  I'm truly sorry for your daddy, but is there anyone else who can help him out besides you?  I can't imagine going through watching that.  I truly feel for you both.  BUT.....call a doc for your dad.  Don't buy them off the street.  That is just continuing the behavior that got you here in the first place.  You have to break that cycle!  See what I mean?  Do WHATEVER it takes to stop this!  Get some other help for your dad.  Is he an addict too?  I'm assuming yes?  You shouldn't be the one trying to handle his pill issues since you were doing so good with quitting or at least trying to.  

Call a doc for him, and keep on packing!  That will distract you plus it'll wear you out so you can sleep! :)

[oxy22]

I just really cant be sick.. I have so much to catch up on and now just relized how horrible this has done to me.. my house in kahos, im a train wreck, and i need to pack, clean, eat,sleep, find an condo and my birthaday is may 17 i want to be through this by then.. thats my plan.. im in my mid 20s.. tks again

[oxy22]

wow..  your amazing.. you said it all.. I dont wanna be riddaculed or lectured.. as some ppl on here do, i just wish the w/d was not there.. these pills r making me sick now.. i guess its good that my body is now rejecting them.. if i tapper a lil more like 10mg a day for a week then off.. how many days til im normal again.. thats all i want...

[neveragainplease]

I was addicted for 3 years on a low dose of lortabs or percs, depending upon what I could buy. I was taking from 1-2 a day for the longest time, then got down to 1 1/2 a day, and then it was like a half in the morning, half in afternoon, skip a day...just kinda random. Finally I quit...It seems more mental than physical at this point because my dose was not that high...Don't get me wrong, I am physically suffering even with the low amount of use compared to others...I have been taking 800mg of Motrin twice a day (I have severe trigger finger, in freakin hurts), a dose of Immodium AD for the stomach issues, and soaking in Epsom salts for the aches. The physical stuff totally bites, but the mental anguish of being trapped, feeling scared, crying maybe out of frustration, fear, etc. Doesn't matter why...you just feel the way you feel and it's horrible.

I slipped too...that's why I was saying I took some here and some there at the end. You see, I moved, and pills kept showing up. Five in a shoe bag, one in my makeup, three in the couch (WTF???)...anyways the evil little things would just FIND me. And I took them, Only once did it occur to me to flush them, but I didn't. I understand being weak to temptation.

Mostly, it seems mental, but it sorta isn't. That's why all the stuff to help with physical. I'm not so good at advice; there are people on here way more experienced that can sorta push you in the right direction when it comes to that, but I will say, if you kicked 60mg a day you sure a hell can kick this.

We all understand the misery and frustration, how emotionally messed up it feels, and I just want you to know I'm here to listen to you and to let you know I totally feel what you mean and if you need me just message me and I'll be there for you.

Xoxo

[oxy22]

I cant really go through withdrawls rightnow cuz ive got work packing ect.. but i really dont feel withdrawls and dont really have disire to take anymore.. im not at that point where i NEED them to wake up.. im passed all that.. I accually woke up feeling great today.. ready to bring on the day.. In the past two years ive quit coffee cut back on ciggs.. so there is hope.. and im stronger

[oxy22]

God has put me through so much.. thats why i always find some excuse to pop a pill.. but i am stronger now and ever though i took a 5mg lortab to help me pack.. im not taking anymore today.. mabe a half tomorrow cuz i have somuch today and still weaning my self off them.. the pill i took today made me sick.. thank god.

[OpenMind24hours]

U can kick it with willingness. You need to want to commit. Committing means cutting off your supply chain, completely. If you hadn't had that "somebody" available to score from, even if you were desperate to go out and get one, you wouldn't have been able to. And that fact alone, that you cut off your supply, would quickly remind you that you have made a commitment to yourself because you're sick and tired of being sick and tired..  

[oxy22]

I know and thank you... I lost 3 family members from 2008 to 2011 due to lugaretts disease/oxy/alcoholisim and cancer.. its just me and my dad.. my sis lives across the street but shes strung out on xannex/pain meds ect.. im moving my father back to florida in a month so i have to do this..

[EvolverU]

Is there anywhere else you can go for 5 days or so?

[WODAgirl]

You gotta want this buddy, and for a while, you have to do whatever it takes to avoid any kind of temptation at all. You've gotta find a way to do that.

[10356]

Greetings Oxy22..

I must say my heart goes out to your Dad. Is he out of meds Because you took them ? You do not need to get defensive, I myself stole meds from my relatives whom I was a caregiver for. I have never ran anyone out but my husband but he was always able to replace them legally... I'm worried for you Dad for his age and if he has any underlying conditions.. I would suggest getting him to the Dr. If you have filled his scripts early our not and are at the end of the road You still need to seek help for him.. You can not handle his meds You need to get someone else involved. Is there anyone left in his life that is willing to help ? You are in a very tough situation for a addict.. for the grace there I go. I will be sending a prayer. lesa