Need to vent

[killmypain]

So I'm 48 days clean.... yay. Why don't I feel great? Why don't I feel like celebrating? I guess this falls into the whole "tell everyone you love what you're going through" because I made it through the worst detox I thought I could possibly handle and did it without telling my loved ones because I didn't want them to know that I was using in the first place.... Now here I am, through the worst of it and it seems like life just keeps piling more and more on me until I want to jump off a cliff. Everywhere I turn. Everyone in my life, school, work, kids.... you name it... they all are requiring more and more from me. I am jumping through more hoops than a circus performer and nobody knows what I've just been through. I want to use.... everyday I want to use.... I won't though. I won't use. But I want to.... I'm tired... so freaking tired and I have no idea whether I'm tired because my days start at 6:30 am and don't end until midnight.... or if I'm still dealing with the last of my withdraw from drugs.... my body's "reboot" if you will..... My few and far between days off I just want to stay in bed. My family.... well the *^%#@ who lives with me, calls me a lazy butt because I lay on the couch watching golden girls for like 2 hours before I get going... once a week! I know the housework needs done but I'm too tired. lol.... geez. what a whiny butt I am. If being too tired to attack the housework is the worst problem I have right now..... I'm pretty lucky, right? I am (finally) healthy, my kids are healthy, I'm getting an education, I have a job...... someone help me celebrate! Why don't I feel like celebrating?

[killmypain]

I work as a waitress. I walk for several hours at a time. I also don't get lunch breaks.... I will try to get up a little earlier and at least stretch my body a little before I start my day, maybe that will help. I am taking a b complex, as well as several other supplements. I was thinking of trying the 5htp.... wondering if that might help my energy levels... coffee doesn't really seem to help much.... redbull doesn't help at all... just gotta keep going and hope that eventually I will get out of this slump. Thanks for your support!

[snakejones]

I agree with tramahater--start with 15 minute walk when you can and increase the time slowly when you are ready. I also find that many ladies like to take walks at the mall. (Hmmmmmm, wonder why? LOL) It's nice and cool so you won't get overheated on top of everything else. And window shopping is lots of fun even if, like me, you can't spend much money. Again, baby steps.......they do add up. Talk to you again soon. Hope you are resting okay tonight.

[LeaAnn807]

Well, you might try fifteen  minutes at first.  And work up as you get stronger.  Don't go for an hour for now.  Take a fifteen minute walk.  Let that be your goal, ok?

[snakejones]

Hi, I am impressed with how well you are doing. I think you are absolutely amazing! You have so much on your plate as it is, plus  the fact that you cannot tell your family your secret. (Like Batman!) Well, you are a superhero to me.
Tramahater has suggestions that can really help. I do understand about exercise not being on your list of fun things to do. On your work days, could you use a small part of your lunch break to just stand and do a few stretching exercises until the day comes that you are ready to take a walk? When you feel better you'll want to walk, I promise. Especially next month--October is the most lovely month of the year. The other good idea is vitamins--they're painless, too.  :-)   I'll let the experts here tell you what kind of supplements have been helpful for them. Also every day do at least one new thing that helps you heal, feel positive about yourself,  and sustain your  clean time, however small. Just baby steps, honey. Something as simple as a visit to the hair salon, starting a new hobby, going to a restaurant with a friend--but do something nice for yourself EVERY DAY. You are worthy and you deserve happiness. Now act like it!   :-D
I'll be looking out for you as time goes on. Please keep in touch!

[killmypain]

Thanks for your words of support.... I kinda already did that... I started back at school just before I stopped with the pills.... I kinda used the school thing for an excuse to keep using for a bit then figured it out! Now I'm not hanging out with the same people, besides my kids, and I'm trying a whole new gig. I wish I could exercise. I just can't make myself get up any earlier than I have to to get out of the house on time.... of course I can't exercise at the end of an 18 hour day either.... it just never seems to work out.... what to you tell yourself in the morning to get out of bed an hour or more before you actually have to?

[LeaAnn807]

Hey, I know this is the LAST thing you wanna hear, but have you tried getting some exercise?  Super B vitamin?  I didn't think either would help me, but you'd be surprised!  You have to kinda change more about life than just "not taking a pill every minute" ya know?  At least that was the deal with me.  I couldn't figure out why, since I was clean, I wasn't jumping for joy every second.  So I always went back to using.  The trick was changing EVERYTHING!  (at least everything you can!)  I know that there are some things that will remain the same.  BUT.....just change everything you possibly can, especially your routine.  That's one thing you can control.  Get up and MAKE yourself move!  I had to do that for what seemed like an eternity.  Now I want to be moving!!! : )

Hang in there.  Just wanted to encourage you!  It's gonna be ok!