In for a rough day, I think

[Pat1956100]

I took my last 2 percs 48 hours ago.  Yup if you have them you will take them.  I have never been able to flush.  They are way too expensive.  I still haven't even paid for them yet so I couldn't flush them.
I did a quick taper so I guess I am officially starting day 3.  I know my tracker says day 2 but my body says day 3.
I will not call for any more percs.  
I will not be a stupid jerk.
I will not ever do this again.
because I like this new Pat I am.

I still am feeling so strong about this and so happy.  I spoke with all my family yesterday because they called for my birthday and it just made me feel so strong.  We talked about my future, selling my house and moving and I have all their support.  It just felt so good to be clean.  Everyone said how GOOD I sounded.
Just need to get through this and get my energy back.  So much to do.

[Pat1956100]

Can you go to rehab clean?

[ImDONENoMore]

OK I get that.  I totally get that given today's economic climate, totally get it.

Now, though, if you look hard enough, I'm going to bet you could find someone trustworthy who would care for your home while you're gone so you wouldn't need to worry about that.  Think about it, we were all pretty resourceful when it came to getting our DOC weren't we?  We need to learn to apply those resource skills somewhere else, for something that's good for us, healthy for us.  Positive for us.

Don't you think?  See, it's all those "little" decisions we make every day that truly defines who we are.  We can all do the right thing when called upon in any crisis moment.. but those day-to-day decisions we have to make when they aren't be judged/scrutinzed by others?  Those are the moments that count.  And make us who we are.

[Pat1956100]

I seriously hope it can happen.  I know there is nothing close to here so I would have to go away but I would love it.
I am so ready to heal all these hurts.  I know they are still open and I have a ton of issues to deal with.
I have anger, hurt issues.
I have an ex best friend who stole me job while I was off on leave when my husband was dying who I have twice walked by on the streets and not spoken too.  She was all excited to see me and I just walked by her.
I hate that I am feeling that way but I can't forgive her.  She was my best friend and she didn't even call when my sister died.

Grrrrrrrr lots of issues.

[bama88]

Rehab gives you a safe place to slow down and think. It allows us to open up where no one can judge you. It also starts us socializing sober. It gets us talking about goals and such. It gives us a time out while our brains and body adjusts.

Its so so scarey. To take that first step. Its a huge step. Plus everyone there is just like us.
Plus it opens you up to the steps. The process. All of it is so positive for us. We need it. More than we will ever admitt. I can't say enough good things about rehab.

If you feel strong today. In 30 days at rehab you'll feel more balanced. Strength is great. Balanced is power

[Bkitty]

Pat I have to agree with Bama. Slow down if you can. The only thing that you should be focusing on right now is sobriety. I too was told not to make and life changing decisions esp during the first 6months-year. When you quit the pills-ya that's the easy peasy part of all this. Its learning to live a different way that you have to concentrate on. Developing healthy coping mechanisms,,etc. Its learned behavior and that takes time and patience to develop. It doesn't happen overnight that's for sure. Plus I know it seemed like God had a lot of tests for me to pass! Anything and everything seemed to go wrong in the beginning and I was sure tested! Not saying that will happen to you-but it seemed like I had several walls to climb before I set sail towards sobriety and recovery. I thank God that I was in a program I don't know how I woulda made it!.

[Sonrissa]

Well, hello Sam I Am!! I take it you do not like Green Eggs and Ham? LOL! Dr. Seuss should have written books for addicts!

I can't add any more to what has been said! Just take a step, or steps forward every day! Some days just teeny weeny steps, other days big steps... Just keep moving in the right direction! Try not to get overwhelmed! For me, that was when I had the worst setbacks! Every time I let myself get overwhelmed, I failed! Miserably! Tackle one thing at a time! I am a huge list maker! I make one every day, and I cross off at least one accomplishment!

I'm sure this sounds stupid, and trivial, but, it was the only way I could bring myself through! Take care, sweetie! Everyone is pulling for you!