Is It really 45 days?

[ScarrieAnne]

Top of the morning to you all! So I always let ya'll know how much I sleep so it was 9 til 1, then I got up and took two melatonin and kinda slept til 3. I kept waking myself up snoring LOL. I don't ever snore, really, I know this because if I did it would wake me up. So anyway, Im working on a little more sleep today. So, Im a little nervous today and some of you may think its kind of silly, but Im going to talk about it anyway. As Ive stated before, I am NOT a joiner, I do not surround myself with people, and spend a great deal of time alone, which is fine, Ive always been more of a loner. So what do I go do? I JOIM the PTA at my daughters school. So far Ive just donated things for the teachers luncheon, but today I have to actually go to the school and help the kids shop for their family's for Christmas, they set up a store in the gym and you help the kids budget, etc.That part sounds okay, even though my brain still isn't working properly yet, so we will see if I can do simple math today. My fear is The PTA moms. I am a girls girl, I love and adore my female friends and think women should and will rule the world one day, However I don't like to be in situations surrounded by a group of catty, overly made up, shallow and self righteous women. Its like The Real Housewives of Beaumont. It fills me with dread. I know this sounds like a minor silly problem to most of you, but I have a lot of anxiety around things like this. I hope no one pops off because I am not in the mood and will not be able to control what comes out of my mouth today. I have to try, though because if you don't your child wont be picked for sports, cheerleading, etc. Its all who you know out here. I nominated my daughter for the gifted program so please send positive thoughts our way, we haven't found out yet. I was in it as a child and so was my husband so I would love for her to have that experience. Not too long ago I would've popped a few benzos this morning, but now that is no longer an option! Sorry this wasn't really about w/d or anything really important, maybe someone has a different perspective to make me feel less anxious! Thanks for all of your support everyday, Much Love to you all! XOXO. Carrie

[EvolverU]

Morning dop :)

Ha! (I had a feeling you still did & hey, 41 is still pretty young from where I'm sitting;)) It really is a state of mind, I find. I've toned it down but I can't really help how I dress -- it varies but it's me & it's the way I'm comfortable. I do less vintage these days but I guess I'm a bit of a die-hard Alt. girl.

I'm really happy to hear that it went well! I was thinking of you periodically @ work & figured it probably would. You got some great advice & you're pretty astute & reckoned that your intuition & grace would hold you in good stead.

So, are you saying that massive grandfatherly guy in the red suit who owns stock in UPS is a comin' North?! (Bad Carrie Anne! That's my job!:)) I thoroughly enjoy Xmas & it's the only time I really enjoy shopping (for other folks:)). I just got paid, have a day off & so, ..it begins. (My trigger finger is itchy on that card as it never is except for this time of year :) Keep your eyes peeled!

ttys:),

Annie

[ScarrieAnne]

Youre right Chels, I am introverted, always have been, prefer my own company to others. I know I could survive if I was the only one left on this earth because Id have myself to talk to and no one around to p*** me off, lol. Introverts unite and take over!

XOXO C.

[ScarrieAnne]

I think its great you homeschooled, I thought about it a lot, and ultimately decided because Erin is an only child and I don't have any friends with young children that public school would be best for her now, however she knows that if she ever cant handle public school and the kids in it that she has the option to be homeschooled in the future. Austin is still a great place but even in the last 15 years it has changed so much, if I ever did move there it would be in the outskirts, not in the city, When Erin goes to UT we will be moving there, LMAO! Thinking of you as a teen shooting stoplights makes me laugh, in a good way, you got a laugh out me today, so good for you, THAT should go in the blog! XOXO Carrie

[ScarrieAnne]

I wanted to reply more to your post yesterday, but was so exhausted when I got home, I was trying to answer quickly so I could try to take a nap. Youre totally right, you never know what goes on in other people's lives and they all have the same if not worse problems. In my seedier days pre-child I met a business owner that had prostitutes delivered to his business before it opened, in exchange for crack. That's just one example of how we are all f***** up somehow, and I need to keep that in mind when I having one of my social anxiety days. I don't need those women to like me, I just need my child to have the best chance in life I can give her, and I actually really enjoyed the kids yesterday, so I plan to do much more with the PTA, some not all, are down to earth and seem okay. I live right by Louisiana, on the Gulf about 30 minutes from the border so Im deep in Cajun country and actually live backed up to the bayou, so Louisiana bleeds into TX here and they are one in the same! Have a great day! XOXO Carrie.

[Chels44]

Lol! This sounds just like me! And the correct terminology is 'Introvert'. We -can- be around other people but prefer not to. As my father says "I like pple, I just like them alot better when they're not arnd." Lol! Don't feel bad, some of the smartest, kindest pple I have found are like us. Problem is, they can be hard to find for obvious reasons. ;)

[ScarrieAnne]

I will keep looking for the good and try to start everyday positive,  as you well know that part takes time. I know its in me though, I wasn't always this way! My sleeping is really messing up my attitude lately, and Ive had a lot of severe migraines because of it. As I always say, Im a work in progress and one day hope to level out a little. As always you make me think and re evaluate, so Thank you!  Mama Manson is going to try to nap for an hour. like the nick name btw, And NO everyone else reading this I do not support the Manson family, there is a story behind it which I will post to my dear friends one day. Time to ramble on, XOXO C.

[weaver71]

I like homeschooling best, we made to about the 5th grade and the kids wanted to go to school. My family farmed down town Austin, back in the day, each generation moved further up river, as the city slickers took over the land. All 5 lakes are full of people now, my farm is near the 4th lake up river from Austin, Kingsland TX. It's pretty backwoods people there still. My neighbors, we called "The Hillbillies," were always pilling up junk and recycling to make money, but they would get A LOT before they's "go over the scales," as they would put it. I hunted for fun, mostly as a kid. The city slickers made Texas change, as the built up the cities. I remember when they invented dog catchers, it was the darnedest thing to me, "What's gonna protect me out in the woods and as I walk down the road?" My dog saved my life, more than once. Then street lights and cops sprang up like cactus. It's not the country people's fault they don't have nowhere to go, living close to the land is forbidden. Outhouses, illegal, grey water in the garden, illegal, not having tax money, illegal, my Greatgradpa taught me that, what so many long to do, is not allowed, so you end up with crazy rednecks shooting stop lights. That was me as teen, by the way. Okay, I guess I am feeling, if you have to be there, then try to appreciate the simplicity of the people, as well as appreciate your more dynamic point of view. But I just go to the school and have very short conversations with others, my doctor is there too, and she knows I'm not medicated. We have kids the same age. I told you, small town here too, we got our ignernt folk here too. You know the song, "From North California, to South Alabam, a country boy can survive." People seem to miss that part of the song, I guess cause TV only shows the beach and city's of Cali. Hillbillies Unite!

[ScarrieAnne]

Youre asking ME if I have any Goth regalia?!? LOL. Why, of course! I look Gothic everyday without even trying , it is very off putting to some people, Ive been judged for it the entire time Ive lived here. Im 41 I cant help it if Im pale as a ghost and my hair is almost black, im not going to go get a spray tan and highlights to make someone else more comfortable. I did fine once I got there, my anxiety is always before I get somewhere or do something, like most people's I suppose, but once Im there, Im okay. Be expecting something next week! Im so excited for you to let me know what Santa brought! XOXO C.

[ScarrieAnne]

lol, you have an awesome grasp of the South. Dead on!

[ScarrieAnne]

LOL. Its not so much I need them to like me, or respect me, I am just not good in awkward social situations, I can be quite shy at times, depending on my mood, and my mood this morning was that I just didn't want to deal with any of it, but it worked out, I had fun with the kids. Im not from Texas, most people notice right away because I don't have an accent.Not all of Tx have is bad, Austin is where I should be living, but cant up and move.This area is really stuck in the past, in my opinion, but we all something we have to deal with and it could be worse, which is my new motto: It Could Be Worse! I love my kid with everything I have, and whatever she decides to do, or not do is fine, but I know she is of above average intelligence, her testing reflects that, and I want her to get a good education, like I had. When I moved to TX I was in 10th grade and in honors classes, In my honors class our first book was a book I read in 7th grade in Jersey. My point being TX schools leave a lot to be desired and if I have to live here then Im going to make sure she is learning as much as she can , is cultured , and  has every opportunity available, but Im off topic, again. Its all good, it worked out, as it usually does! X. C

[weaver71]

I was a bit skeptical in my kids schools, at first. I pretty much do what you were doing, focus on the kids and how you can help them. I'm good at ignoring  grown ups, because I do know what it is like in Beaumont. My wife's family is from there, Village Mills actually, she spent summers with her grandmother. I been there a bunch, growing up. We used to love Lake Livingston, that's not too far from you. There really are lots of cool things about Texas, though I grew up in Austin, we went to Houston, Padre Islands, Dallas, I have family there too, I grew up in the the Nation, "Texas," that country right between the U.S.A. and Mexico. I wasn't just kinda raised Texan, most my Mom's side of the family's history doesn't go back much beyond Texas, some left West on the Trail of Tears, but they went to Austin. It was a small town then. And you always apologize for getting off topic, well, I ain't a bit sorry.

Keep looking for the good about that place, or just help the kids open their minds, but keep the good parts of where you are. I guess that's what I try to do here and what I did back there. I started a homeschool group on our farm in Texas. Bought a 60 ft. building, had kids chasing butterflies and petting goats everywhere, don't limit your potential by thinking of what others are doing. You are still healing, but know that you are your only limitation. Ain't sayin' there won't be no obstacles, it's the limitations and potential that have no bounds. Show them kids how it's done.

[ScarrieAnne]

It did, the kid were so cute, its funny watching them shop, they have no concept of money. I got to shop with my daughter, but now I know what my present is, but that's okay. Is was all around a positive experience, and maybe I don't hate kids as much as I thought! XX.C.

[ScarrieAnne]

LOL, I don't know what I was thinking, I  wasn't clean when I joined, I felt guilted into it a little by the boss/head whatever you call her! I actually had so much fun with the kids, they had a Christmas store set up and a budget, and who to buy for in their family, and you had to help them shop and add up their spending. I got to help a lot of erins little friends, some of the kids only brought like 3 or 4 dollars and I had no cash on me and that was sad. Their little faces, OMG, but I am sending a donation in with erin tomorrow for the kids that didn't get to buy anything. I didn't talk too much to the moms , a couple were nice enough, but whatever, I wasnt there to make friends! It was good, Im glad I did it. XX.C.

[ScarrieAnne]

Awesome, your about about an hour down I 10, which Im sure you know, and you probably also know what Beaumont is like, I keep trying to explain it, but I don't think anyone believes me that is really is THAT sucky!

[EvolverU]

Happy Day 45 to you Carrie! :)

Actually, it's not silly @ all. If this is causing you anxiety & you're clean, then how you handle it is a potential test. Especially b/c it's still early days for you. I know that you feel that you don't fit in on planet Beaumont & that you feel alienated in your environment but I agree with Motye, man..those 'Stepford' families often have some real issues. Everyone has their problems -- don't let that 'lock-step' facade fool you. I'm going to keep this light because to tell you the truth, I feel for you & want you to smile.

I think that the best thing you can do is to attend this meeting in full goth regalia. (Do you still have any of that gear lying around?:))

Seriously though, I also agree w/ Tony. How you 'do' w/ these parents won't really affect your child's popularity. Try not to assume that these women will take agin' ya. Try to be positive & to find bits & pieces of good in members that you might relate to or like. You can potentially start to bond through that. Remember, you're in a 'new place' after detox & you're building different skills. Anything is possible (even this...:)))

So, go get your hair up & lacquered, your teeth bleached & make some Martha Stewart lemon squares. You're going to be just fine. Let us know how it goes. We're rooting for you, dop :)

[motye51]

Lmao....Texas and Louisiana sound so much alike. It was and still is a "who" you know state no matter how many times we say were changing??
But i do think there is a need or maybe a want to be accepted by the other parents in the community. The ones that "look" like they have their **** together. If theres one thing ive learned since getting clean is NO ONE really has their **** together and i have no idea what goes on in others homes or private lives. I swapped pills with many popular housewives and business owners. Ive "seen"  many "dog" like husbands of women that i thought had perfect marriages. Its all a farse that we put in our minds and constantly compare ourselves too....why???
Now, i couldnt possibly live in a hippie compound (lol) but it does help to kind of keep it in my mind do i really give a ****? They dont like the kind of person i am, i dont make enough money, drive the right car, uhhh, oh well.
As far as kids, i had 2 that played football from age 7 to 18 yrs and a daughter that was a cheerleader until high school (she decided she'd rather write) and i have one total and complete computer nerd! They're all awesome and none of them fit in to that popular mold.
**** em and feed em fish heads" i say!
Get a coffee, go to school and help those kids spend their parents $$$.....lol....

[weaver71]

A few things I learned being a seventh generation Texan, the southern hospitality is real, but it comes with a lot of gossip and strong, ignorant opinions. The one thing that kept me going, is the respect and honor they give The Lone Ranger, Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett, those individuals who explored new territory and changed the hearts and minds of the south. The poofy hair and war paint is silly to me, many women in the south look like clowns to me, so that image helps me take them less seriously. I live surrounded by non-madeup, hairy arm pits and legged hippy chicks now, so my bias of my own people may be shining through. Texans found me eccentric, even my ants, uncles, grandparents, etc...They like me though, cause they could tell I didn't really care what anyone thought, maybe that was mania, either way, they all believed I would do something great one day. They had no idea what it would be, but by being so strong and independent in my thoughts, they just shrugged and said, "Guess we will have to wait and see." I suppose I'm trying to say, if you want the PTA to be a different experience, it is all up to you, because the mascara circus isn't going to change anything. So, be observant, make a list of concerns or resentments, as the meeting goes along. Meditate on how those uncomfortable feelings are motivating you to change something. And for my finally note, if you have so little respect for those people, why is it so important to you to be respected by them. As for your kid getting picked or whatever, we as parents have much less influence on that is we would like to think. Kids do what they want, I know I did, and the coaches pick good athletes, because Texans care more about winning and looking good in the district than impressing the hairdo's. If your kid is friendly with popular kids, no matter what you do, she will be popular. If she doesn't hang with popular kids, she won't be popular, you don't have as much power over her situation as you might think, it is up to her to decide if she wants to be picked for cheerleading or sports. I'm one who is glad my daughter is not in team sports, she does Tae Kwan Do and doesn't really like the kids of the mascara circus. I'm so proud that she doesn't feel a need to be respected by those who are disrespectful. Anyway, the other mom's should be the ones who are anxious, because ScarieAnne is IN THE HOUSE!

[motye51]

If you dont like shallow, overly made up, catty women....you should NEVER have joined the PTA!!! ROFLMAO!!!
I held a position on my PTA board and my recreation dept. Booster club board! I pissed everyone off!!!!
Dont sweat it b/c those women have the same type of crap going on in their lives as we do. Before u go in, collect yourself, put a smile on your face and enjoy the kids....**** the moms!!! You enjoy getting yourself back out into the world....just dont take it too seriously!

[Cricketk92]

Can't wait to hear how PTA went!!!  I never did it with my son cause those were my drinking days and that was all that mattered!  I did do stuff with his classroom which was always easier than other adults.  His friends always wanted to come over our house and always got along well with me and I dont particularly like kids that much either!!!   Good for you for going and doing it!  Hopefully it went better than you expected it too!!!

[Gunner817]

Houston here

[ScarrieAnne]

Thank you Krissy, you always come through. Its the same here, we haven't lived out here long and they don't know me, and they have this clique like high school and on top of that I don't look like them or dress like them, so Im an outsider as far as they are concerned. I d rather if they didn't talk to me, Id rather just hang out with the kids, all of Erins class likes me, I have no idea why, Im not really a kid person, but they all want hug me and talk my ear off. At least Erin will get to see Mommy at school, I get to help her class. I know this is a minor thing compared to what we have been through! Its just like , Yuck , I don't want to go! If it wouldn't have disappointed Erin I would've faked sick for sure, but she is excited, and it is all for her after all. Its nice to know Im not the only one out there like this! I wish women would get it together and support one another instead of judging and knocking each other down. SO did you sleep? Day 21 right? Youre rocking it big time! 45 days down now, unbelievable! Ill let you know how PTA hell goes its from 8 til 11am, why so dam* long? LOL. I have laying around to do for Crying out loud, LOL. XOXO C.

[Krissy_123]

OMG this is so me!! I'm so shy and hate doing outside activities. But I do help a lot with PTA as well. The only thing is is I don't talk to them,or them me. They're all friends and exactly as you described. I don't think they'd let me even if I made an attempt. You go there for your girl and do the best you can. That's what's important. If the ladies talk to you then of course reply,or if you're feeling brave you may even try opening with a hello,or "I love this idea were doing here,it's so good for the kids and the ppl coming in"! I'm not the best to have answered this,but I know how you feel. I woulda done the same thing, popped some oxys and went in invincible. But that's not us anymore, so we have to depend on natural courage now. You can do this,you've been through so much, this nothing, a drop in the bucket compared to what you've survived!! Congrats on day 45!!! Try to have fun today!! xoxo