Aa
Is it withdrawl? Shaking, Headache, nervousness
Hi,
I am having a rough time lately. I was hooked on Hydrocodone for about a year, 30-40 mgs a day. I haven't had a pill in about a month, but lately I have been having excruciating headaches on the top/center of my head. They've been here for about a month and WON'T GO AWAY. I don't think it's migraines either. These things just don't go away. Today I noticed my hands were shaking. I have been having anxiety attacks for the past three days as well. I got the drugs anyway I could, do you think I could have caused brain damage to myself? Or a neurological disorder? Is this normal for the first few months? I had a CT Scan of my head and it revealed nothing. Neurologist can't find anything either. I just don't feel right you know? I have fear of death everyday, I can't do anything except worry about it. Is it Parkinson's disease coming on? Help me please? Anybody ever go through this? I can hardly type right now I'm so worked up. Does anybody know anything at all? Thanks and God Bless
I am having a rough time lately. I was hooked on Hydrocodone for about a year, 30-40 mgs a day. I haven't had a pill in about a month, but lately I have been having excruciating headaches on the top/center of my head. They've been here for about a month and WON'T GO AWAY. I don't think it's migraines either. These things just don't go away. Today I noticed my hands were shaking. I have been having anxiety attacks for the past three days as well. I got the drugs anyway I could, do you think I could have caused brain damage to myself? Or a neurological disorder? Is this normal for the first few months? I had a CT Scan of my head and it revealed nothing. Neurologist can't find anything either. I just don't feel right you know? I have fear of death everyday, I can't do anything except worry about it. Is it Parkinson's disease coming on? Help me please? Anybody ever go through this? I can hardly type right now I'm so worked up. Does anybody know anything at all? Thanks and God Bless
Ok, let me throw this past you guys... i've been screwing up royally since my husband left (well no worse, but no better). I'm going to start my tapering on loracets only, getting down as far as i can without not being able to function. I have to be able to function. I will have already begun my tapering before my husband comes home. I am hoping to get down very very low by the time he comes home, but i don't expect to be off fully. I don't know whether to tell him or not, or just let him know i'm having withdrawals, and keep it at that, and just try to get through it best i can. It's pitiful, but i need him here to be able to do this completely. I can't explain it, and i know that i am risking creating a relaspe for him, and that's the last thing i want to do. I feel so selfish for being like this, i can't explain it even to myself. I WILL NOT BE THE CAUSE OF HIS RELAPSE! He will die if he starts using and drinking again, there's no question.
I just feel like i need him here in order to stop completely, i feel so lost and alone right now. I will go to meetings right away with him, i already found a babysitter.
He is being so strong, and he is so in reality right now, it's really giving me encouragement. Please don't yell at me, i know i'd me yelling at me if i were you guys!
I just need his support right now, and i will support him with every bit that i've got to give.
His mind is so awake right now, i'm not used to him talking so quickly. I feel so lost and sick left behind to fend for myself.
Am i being pitiful or what? I'm so weak i can't believe i haven't been able to beat this thing yet!
I will though, i really will, and i will focus on myself, he needs to focus on himself once he gets home. I almost feel like running away so i don't ruin his recovery.
Now i'm feeling he's too good for me, he will be well, and i'm still sick. Maybe it's too late to be thinking so much, it's just been so very very hard trying to accomplish this while left holding the fort together, trying to work, and taking kids with me, and making sure they are ok, and feeding them on such little money, etc. etc. I need to find some strength quick!
I hear what you all are saying about my being so supportive on this board. It's very easy to say the things needed to help you all out, but actually doing it is another story. That's why i feel so deeply about all of the pain you guys are experiencing. I'm already very emotional, and full of pain, what is going to happen when the numbing stops. Will i fall apart completely, will i still be able to work. Will i loose my job? I afraid that it will get out of control and i won't be able to handle things anymore. The rug will get pulled out from under me and i'm going to just fall apart! Everyone always wondered how i could live like this and still function, well i had a deep dark secret that's why. I'm not so strong, i'm not so couragous, i shouldn't be getting credit for anything, i've been copping out!!!
I NEED him to lean on alittle bit, i don't want to ruin what's he's accomplished, but i can't help it, i need him. We are both very co-dependent on eachother, but we also love eachother very very very much!!! I see that now more than ever!
I just want to 'remove' myself from everything for a little while, wish i could go into a detox for 1 week and just be able to let someone else handle it for awhile... but that's not possible! I WILL DO THIS, I MUST DO THIS, I'M GONNA DO THIS!!!!
If i drop my dosage 5 mg at a time, maybe 5 mg per week or so, how long will it take. Starting at say 20 mg. how long will it take to start feeling normal again?
Thank you for listening, i'm just a mess!
Lv Jenny
I just feel like i need him here in order to stop completely, i feel so lost and alone right now. I will go to meetings right away with him, i already found a babysitter.
He is being so strong, and he is so in reality right now, it's really giving me encouragement. Please don't yell at me, i know i'd me yelling at me if i were you guys!
I just need his support right now, and i will support him with every bit that i've got to give.
His mind is so awake right now, i'm not used to him talking so quickly. I feel so lost and sick left behind to fend for myself.
Am i being pitiful or what? I'm so weak i can't believe i haven't been able to beat this thing yet!
I will though, i really will, and i will focus on myself, he needs to focus on himself once he gets home. I almost feel like running away so i don't ruin his recovery.
Now i'm feeling he's too good for me, he will be well, and i'm still sick. Maybe it's too late to be thinking so much, it's just been so very very hard trying to accomplish this while left holding the fort together, trying to work, and taking kids with me, and making sure they are ok, and feeding them on such little money, etc. etc. I need to find some strength quick!
I hear what you all are saying about my being so supportive on this board. It's very easy to say the things needed to help you all out, but actually doing it is another story. That's why i feel so deeply about all of the pain you guys are experiencing. I'm already very emotional, and full of pain, what is going to happen when the numbing stops. Will i fall apart completely, will i still be able to work. Will i loose my job? I afraid that it will get out of control and i won't be able to handle things anymore. The rug will get pulled out from under me and i'm going to just fall apart! Everyone always wondered how i could live like this and still function, well i had a deep dark secret that's why. I'm not so strong, i'm not so couragous, i shouldn't be getting credit for anything, i've been copping out!!!
I NEED him to lean on alittle bit, i don't want to ruin what's he's accomplished, but i can't help it, i need him. We are both very co-dependent on eachother, but we also love eachother very very very much!!! I see that now more than ever!
I just want to 'remove' myself from everything for a little while, wish i could go into a detox for 1 week and just be able to let someone else handle it for awhile... but that's not possible! I WILL DO THIS, I MUST DO THIS, I'M GONNA DO THIS!!!!
If i drop my dosage 5 mg at a time, maybe 5 mg per week or so, how long will it take. Starting at say 20 mg. how long will it take to start feeling normal again?
Thank you for listening, i'm just a mess!
Lv Jenny
One thing i plan to do is to go back to church when i get off of these dam pills... i'm going to go with my two oldest children, and my husband can stay home with the baby if he wants to, or go with me, that would be great.
Our church is just around the corner, and the father there is so wonderful!!! Plus, i know some people (from my kids' schools), and i would love to become closer to people who are spiritual and well!
I know i should go now, but i feel unworthy! Once i clean up, i can hold my head high with pride, not high with being high!
:)
Jenny
Our church is just around the corner, and the father there is so wonderful!!! Plus, i know some people (from my kids' schools), and i would love to become closer to people who are spiritual and well!
I know i should go now, but i feel unworthy! Once i clean up, i can hold my head high with pride, not high with being high!
:)
Jenny
Hi Jenny,
Since you asked for direct feedback, I'll tell you what I think, and don't worry, I won't yell at you ;-)
I'm saying this to you as a fellow addict, not as a shrink, though this is my personal as well as professional opinion.
I think that in this situation, being honest with your husband about the fact that you are tapering is the way to go. Holding it secret gives your addiction an edge over your recovery. I think that hiding it will keep you stuck in a cycle of guilt and shame, as well as making it easier to continue using.
That is my two cents. But..I want to ask you...did you ask yourself the question "Does hiding it from him support my addiction or does it support my recovery"? Listen to your gut reaction to that question.
Your husband is responsible for maintaining his own recovery no matter what the outside circumstances are, as you are of creating your own. The truth is just one tool among many that will help you get there.
Also...why wait till you are clean before attending church? That sounds like the shame and guilt running the show. I think that at times like this, when we are brought to our knees by our own fallibility and vulnerability, is when we most need the spiritual support of church, or of whatever spiritual community we have. If we wait till we are "perfect" in whatever way, we give ourselves the message that love is conditional, that in effect, we have to earn what we so desperately need. It is precisely when we are at our lowest point that we need to let spiritual love in. Then, that light can get deep inside and help heal the pain that drives the addiction.
love,
WW
Since you asked for direct feedback, I'll tell you what I think, and don't worry, I won't yell at you ;-)
I'm saying this to you as a fellow addict, not as a shrink, though this is my personal as well as professional opinion.
I think that in this situation, being honest with your husband about the fact that you are tapering is the way to go. Holding it secret gives your addiction an edge over your recovery. I think that hiding it will keep you stuck in a cycle of guilt and shame, as well as making it easier to continue using.
That is my two cents. But..I want to ask you...did you ask yourself the question "Does hiding it from him support my addiction or does it support my recovery"? Listen to your gut reaction to that question.
Your husband is responsible for maintaining his own recovery no matter what the outside circumstances are, as you are of creating your own. The truth is just one tool among many that will help you get there.
Also...why wait till you are clean before attending church? That sounds like the shame and guilt running the show. I think that at times like this, when we are brought to our knees by our own fallibility and vulnerability, is when we most need the spiritual support of church, or of whatever spiritual community we have. If we wait till we are "perfect" in whatever way, we give ourselves the message that love is conditional, that in effect, we have to earn what we so desperately need. It is precisely when we are at our lowest point that we need to let spiritual love in. Then, that light can get deep inside and help heal the pain that drives the addiction.
love,
WW
Thank you all for your comforting words, and i'm glad, through all this madness, that i've helped a bit in your pain you've been experiencing!
I sent my husband a 'love' card, and he told me tonight, that i'm getting mushy in my old age. I want to have a wonderful, healthy life together with him. I'm getting closer, i can feel it. I will begin my taper, like i did while visiting family first week of June. That was bearable, and i think by the time i returned home, i was about ready to drop a dose. I think i can handle everything this way, and also be able to stop for good. I just can't do the cold turkey thing. But i have to be very strong in order to have self control. I will push myself to get out of bed in the morning, push to get to work, push to get the kids off and on their way, and most of all, push for a healthy new lifestyle!
I was happy once before without drugs, and i know i can have that again. These drugs cause too many ups and downs, although i've pretty much been able to take as much as i wanted to avoid that, but i never do. I make myself wait until noon time before i take anything. I don't want to make it too easy on myself, so i've always let myself suffer a little. I don't know if that's courage, or just stupidity, or what i should call it. Maybe just a little sense of security knowing that i haven't let myself get into a wake up, pop a pill phase, never have. But i feel like **** in the morning, almost out of my head. I feel like the world is spinning around me at times, and i can't keep up.
Really bad news tonight... My younger sister called tonight and her husband is drinking again, real bad. He had been seeing a therapists, but has never gone to a detox or a rehab. I knew back then because he didn't have a program, that he would slip again, and it's happened. He walked out on his job today, and drank himself into a state where he came home, and she thinks he dunked his head in the toilet bowl! My sister and he have a 10-month old baby, and they were getting ready to close on a house they are going to have built. She won't tell my parents what's going on (she lives 5-miles from them). They are going to see his therapists tomorrow, and he suggested detox. I suggested a 28-day program, he must have a program. Her insurance won't pay for anything other than the detox. He has some well off siblings, so i suggested to her that she tell them what's going on. She is about ready to throw him out, but doesn't think she has it in her. She can put the closing aside for now, good, and will talk to the therapists in more detail tomorrow. I told her do whatever you have to to get him into rehab. Then, if he fails after that, it's up to her on what she wants to do. A person can only take so much. I told her to make it clear to him that if he messes up once more, he's out!!!! She said, but what will her son do without a father. Her son doesn't need a father who can't control his drinking, he would be better off. She is so scared and it tore me up to feel her pain... but i will stick by her through all of this.
I can take things happening to me, but not my sweet little sis, this really hurts!!!!!!
BTW, my brother-in-law was severly abused as a child by his father. All his sibling were sexual abused by him, boys girls it didn't matter. He has so much pain inside and anger, he needs a lot of help learning how to deal with his anger inside and all his inner pain.
I will say a prayer for them tonight, and please, if you could add them to your prayers also, i would appreciate it so very much. Their names are Amy and John and their baby is Jonathan!
Thanks guys!
Lv Jenny
I sent my husband a 'love' card, and he told me tonight, that i'm getting mushy in my old age. I want to have a wonderful, healthy life together with him. I'm getting closer, i can feel it. I will begin my taper, like i did while visiting family first week of June. That was bearable, and i think by the time i returned home, i was about ready to drop a dose. I think i can handle everything this way, and also be able to stop for good. I just can't do the cold turkey thing. But i have to be very strong in order to have self control. I will push myself to get out of bed in the morning, push to get to work, push to get the kids off and on their way, and most of all, push for a healthy new lifestyle!
I was happy once before without drugs, and i know i can have that again. These drugs cause too many ups and downs, although i've pretty much been able to take as much as i wanted to avoid that, but i never do. I make myself wait until noon time before i take anything. I don't want to make it too easy on myself, so i've always let myself suffer a little. I don't know if that's courage, or just stupidity, or what i should call it. Maybe just a little sense of security knowing that i haven't let myself get into a wake up, pop a pill phase, never have. But i feel like **** in the morning, almost out of my head. I feel like the world is spinning around me at times, and i can't keep up.
Really bad news tonight... My younger sister called tonight and her husband is drinking again, real bad. He had been seeing a therapists, but has never gone to a detox or a rehab. I knew back then because he didn't have a program, that he would slip again, and it's happened. He walked out on his job today, and drank himself into a state where he came home, and she thinks he dunked his head in the toilet bowl! My sister and he have a 10-month old baby, and they were getting ready to close on a house they are going to have built. She won't tell my parents what's going on (she lives 5-miles from them). They are going to see his therapists tomorrow, and he suggested detox. I suggested a 28-day program, he must have a program. Her insurance won't pay for anything other than the detox. He has some well off siblings, so i suggested to her that she tell them what's going on. She is about ready to throw him out, but doesn't think she has it in her. She can put the closing aside for now, good, and will talk to the therapists in more detail tomorrow. I told her do whatever you have to to get him into rehab. Then, if he fails after that, it's up to her on what she wants to do. A person can only take so much. I told her to make it clear to him that if he messes up once more, he's out!!!! She said, but what will her son do without a father. Her son doesn't need a father who can't control his drinking, he would be better off. She is so scared and it tore me up to feel her pain... but i will stick by her through all of this.
I can take things happening to me, but not my sweet little sis, this really hurts!!!!!!
BTW, my brother-in-law was severly abused as a child by his father. All his sibling were sexual abused by him, boys girls it didn't matter. He has so much pain inside and anger, he needs a lot of help learning how to deal with his anger inside and all his inner pain.
I will say a prayer for them tonight, and please, if you could add them to your prayers also, i would appreciate it so very much. Their names are Amy and John and their baby is Jonathan!
Thanks guys!
Lv Jenny
You remind me so much of myself. You are so caring about everyone else and that's how we are able to not think about ourselves and what we need because we don't really want to see whats there. I really feel for you in your situation but now is the time for Jenny to do what's best for Jenny. I have one 6 year old daughter and I couldn't bear to go inpatient so I went to intensive outpatient therapy. I weaned down off of the drugs with the help of my husband who held them for me. (I know that part is not an option for you.) I did go through withdrawls at home but we had someone from his or my family take care of my daugter on a daily basis until I got better. Yes, we had to let my family know but guess what--they were already suspicious. You know--it's the secret that everybody knows but you. I had no idea that it was so obvious. I thought it made me happier, more social etc., etc. After you do what you need to for you will be so happy--and probably wished you had done it sooner. Remember once everybody knows it will be easier for you to know you can't slip now--people will be watching.LOL. Seriously, please take care of you--the world (and us at this board) couldn't manage without you.
You have helped JB...the "stealing from yourself" concept is one that I will use to help me fight the temptation to take more than I am supposed to.
I've narrowed my struggle here into the following phrase:
What constitutes "recovery" for an addict who needs narcotics for chronic pain?
Everyone's posts, your included, are helping me formulate an answer here. I'm lead to believe that in my current situation, recovery will be a state based on my motivation when I take my pills, being honest with myself about how much I need given the level of pain, and following my Doctor's instructions.
This is easier said than done I'm sure. And dang, I'm still kicking myself for abusing these meds...if I hadn't, I could take half of what I currently need to handle the pain.
I need to create a new relationship with the pain pills, at least until my pain decreases to a level where I can manage it without meds. IDET's (the procedure I had done) usually give 50% pain relief, sometimes more, and sometimes they fail. We'll see.
I really value you all. It helps so much to have a place where I can be honest without being condemned.
WW
I've narrowed my struggle here into the following phrase:
What constitutes "recovery" for an addict who needs narcotics for chronic pain?
Everyone's posts, your included, are helping me formulate an answer here. I'm lead to believe that in my current situation, recovery will be a state based on my motivation when I take my pills, being honest with myself about how much I need given the level of pain, and following my Doctor's instructions.
This is easier said than done I'm sure. And dang, I'm still kicking myself for abusing these meds...if I hadn't, I could take half of what I currently need to handle the pain.
I need to create a new relationship with the pain pills, at least until my pain decreases to a level where I can manage it without meds. IDET's (the procedure I had done) usually give 50% pain relief, sometimes more, and sometimes they fail. We'll see.
I really value you all. It helps so much to have a place where I can be honest without being condemned.
WW
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