Is my addiction really the cause of my depression?

I'm not sure where to post this, Substance abuse/relapse Forum or in Depression Forum...so I will put it in both.

I was clean from OCs for about a month and was feeling great, back to my "normal self", I was truly excited to feel happy agian...But then I fell back into the abyss and felt like I wanted to die, so I began using again...very small amounts but enough to where I can function and do my daily routine and put on a fake smile and make everyone think I am fine...I dont wanna have to use to be able to function.  What made me fall back into depression like that?...Its killing me inside, I dont wanna live like this anymore.

I have an appointment with my therapist on thursday, but I need you guys and your support until then

thanks to everyone for taking your time to help me,
Lana

[refusingbondage]

Its really hard to say. Some people who suffer from depression turn to drug use as a way to feel good.   Other people have no depression but turn to drug use as a way to feel good and ultimately become depressed due to the drug use.  Did you grow up depressed?  Did depression come before addiction?  You could be experiencing PAWS.  If you were 30 days off OCs and got hit with depression, it might have been PAWS.  I personally got hit with an almost debilitating wave of depression at around 60 days clean - I KNEW for me it was PAWS because I had never had depression before in my life, before using drugs or even during use.  There is information on PAWS on the 'Health Pages' bottom right side of the page.  Check it out.  Seeing your therapist is a very good idea either way.  Will you tell him/her that your using?  Being honest with your doctor is always the best way to go, but I do understand if that's not possible.   What are you currently using?  OCs?  How much?  Sometimes just knowing that eventually that depression will lift is enough to get through it.  Please keep well and take care.

[cathy5841]

hey lana, i was just telling another member i think all addictsin recovery should take an anti-depressant.  those who do seem to make it out of the abyss.  i took one for 4 months and was doing good and quit..nope, i started right back.  i do great on them, but with out i seem to loose my perspective,.  check into them.

[stoney234]

Really interesting question, depression, addiction. Years ago they treated addicts for depression and thought the addiction would be cured when the depression was improved. Than the thought was to treat the addiction first and the depression would go away with sobriety.  Usually we addicts self medicate depression, anxiety and than end up with addiction too. That is dual diagnosis and both must be treated to maintain sobriety.  Also, the drugs and booze we use are all depressants, so usually that lifts after detoxing, and than we get hope.  But being a Prozac nation is not the answer for all as feelings are why we are sober, I have been on and off them ,  my focus is to get off the suboxone, no mistakes in fiquring out the other.  No one right answer.  Excercise helps.

[HelpinUtah]

I think that many of us hide our depression or difficult issues in life by abusing drugs or whatever our addiction might be.  So, I think your feelings are normal.  Seeing a therapist is wonderful!  Ask about an anti-depressant.  My doctor put me on Wellbutrin and it helped me so much.  I went through a deep depression following the withdrawals.  But, it's so worth staying clean and little by little we get better and better every day!  I won't lie and say I don't ever get depressed, because I do.  But, I personally think that's a part of life and that most of us feel this way at some point or another.  

Keep coming here and posting often!  Let us support you!  

Hugs,
Janet

[gizzy32]

I think it can cause depression, using drugs rewires our brains during use and for awhile after until we heal. I never suffered any depression till I started using and spurts of it after, but it did not last. My first month clean was an absolute nightmare. You may have had a bout of PAWS at the month mark and that can bring on a lot of cravings, depression and feeling sick again. That is why aftercare is so important.

You don't have to use like this to function, in time you will be back to taking even higher doses so fix this now. Good luck and keep reading posts, you will learn so much here.