As many of you know, I bit the bullet and went to a therapist yesterday. OK, here's what he said for the most part. He said that my addiction is just a side effect of self medicating due to anxiety from childhood. Long story short, I was a fat kid and always had self esteem issues. I have a hard time looking people in the eye, and I never was really social with people until I got to know them very well. So, here's my question...is this just some mumbo jumbo? Or should I embrace this and try to move on with it? Has anyone heard anything similar from a therapist?
I DO believe what the therapist said to be true. Yesterday I had talked with you about getting to the issues that caused you to want to cover your pain. For a lot of us addicts, these were childhood issues.
I had terrible self-esteem issues as a child. Also, my mom moved us a lot. It was hard to make friends, and keep them. Whenever we moved somewhere, I would make up stories to tell the new kids so I seemed to fit in. One time, when I was about 8 or so, a new girl moved in next door. I went to the fence with a big bowl of sugar and started eating it with a spoon. I told her that I had to eat a whole bowl a day or I would die. I remember it so clearly. I did that because I wanted her to feel sorry for me. I didn't think she would like me any other way. When I started high school I started using drugs right away. I wanted that crowd to accept me and I would have done anything. I used the drugs to escape the pain.
For me, I would embrace it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by getting to these issues.
May not be mumbo, or jumbo, or jumbo mumbo. I have a friend that has been overweight his whole life, he is now 29. I have never called him out on it, but he rarely ever looks me , or anyone, in the eyes when talking to them. Maybe for just a split second then looks away. He has other problems too such as seeing his father pass in front of him from a heart attack and a pp addicted mother. He has a substance abuse problem (cocaine, hydros, oxys, beer, liquor, crack, morphine...) and he is a fairly successful man (owns his own business). It seems that when he is high he can look anyone straight in the eyes and stand up for himself. I really feel that his self esteem issues are alleviated when he uses, feeling 10 feet tall so to speak. It is empowering for him to use. I really feel for him, because I know for him to get off would be like taking away Spider-Man's power... Back to regular ole Peter Parker.
I guess self esteem issues are at the root of my addiction as well..I was using pot, and a few psychedlics in my younger days (I grew up in SF Bay Area in the 60's) and alcohol was a big thing in
my late 20's-30's and was using vicodin quite a bit about 15 years ago, then quit. So, I've always been into some sort of self medication.
I'll have to talk to my counselor about that...we haven't got to that point yet beleive it or not as I've had some other issues to talk about..
I'd stick with it GA Guy and see where it goes. I know I will
i believe its half our life experience and half our genetics and brain chemistry.if we dont feel good about something and discover drugs can change the way we feel, then some of us use drugs to feel better.
not mumbo jumbo, i believe people who get clean but dont take a serious look at their childhood dont stay clean very long.
kids can be very cruel, fat kids suffer, suffering leads to all sorts of self destructive / hatred behaviours.
if you can experience how bad it felt back then, you may be able to feel how is actually feels today.
Wow, you've all made some wonderful points. It seems a lot of us have had childhood and self esteem issues. I do admit to "feeling" more social and like superman when I take the Oxys. I think that I have to at least give it a chance and see where it goes. It just amazes me how many other people seem to come to this same conclusion..Thanks everyone for your comments..they help more than you know..
Got something to say.About childhood.When I was 5 my brother Jimmy died.The world was no longer safe..MY mom never recovered.
IN my HEART, I ALWAYS KNEW SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT THE WAY MY BROTHER DIED.HE WAS 23 HE WAS A MARINE IN VIET NAM. ABOUT 1 YEAR AGO I GOT A HOLD OF SOMEONE HE WENT TO HIGHSCHOOL WITH ,HE TOLD ME HE DIED FROM HEROIN. RUTHIE
Yes, by all means examine your childhood, make peace with it, and move on. There are thousands of people who had horrible, heart-crushing childhoods that are not adult addicts. Many are mentally healthy. Don't get me wrong, therapy is wonderful for working out past hurts in childhood, but put it in it's place and don't use it as an excuse for bad choices.
I'm deeply saddened when reading of the childhoods that some folks in here lived through. I was fortunate in that I lived in a typical nuclear family in the 50's-60's in a suburb south of San Francisco.
My dad worked, my mom stayed home and everything was wonderful. Until at age 8 my mother died. My dad remarried a couple years later and my stepmother was 180 degress different from my mother..verbally abusive towards us kids (there were 3 of us plus her own son who was perfect) and
we essentially had to keep our mouths shut and not disagree with anything. My dad was an easy going guy who loved everybody and she soon took to verbally abusing him. But there was never any physical abuse/violence..my oldest brother seemed to be the biggest target of my stepmother as he was about the same age as her son. I was the middle kid, kept my mouth shut and did what I was told but I imagine I harbored a lot of anger inside. Along came the late 60's and the whole hippie scene in SF and there I was, smoking pot, doing psychedlics and having a great old time..
But I suppose a lot of my self esteem issues stem from my stepmother and her values..I was widely ridiculed in Jr High School because of the way I was told to dress, and I eventually became quite withdrawn and introverted and I suppose that remains with me today. I find it affects my marriage at times in that I take any criticism personally, I'm not good at "fighting back" on issues I should fight back on, and I'll do all I can to avoid confrontations..
Thus..I'm hoping to deal with all of this with my counselor. I've been in counseling before...with my exwife..many years ago but never really got into a lot of this..was very difficult to be honest because at the time I was having an affair (which today I view as my life's biggest regret...not that I don't love my current wife..I sure do...but our divorce impacted our kids in ways I don't know that I can forgive myself.
Good morning everyone, having my morning coffee while reading this thread, relating so so much. Fundamental self esteem and self worth is without doubt my main issue, doesnt matter how well liked i am or how well i perform or suceed or awards or any of that s***, I feel down to my bones that i am worthless, useless, Loser with a captial L. How I got to feel so bad about myself? Not sure, but counselling helps.
Justlikeyou - "I believe people who get clean but dont take a serious look at their childhood dont stay clean very long." - EXACTLY what happened to me at around 5-6 years clean, old issues started coming up, such intense feelings associate with them, couldn't face it, had a pill for headaches, had a pill for heataches, take 40 pills a day now and the heartache is multiplied a hundredfold
Beargizmo - "I find it affects my marriage at times in that I take any criticism personally, I'm not good at "fighting back" on issues I should fight back on, and I'll do all I can to avoid confrontations" - that is me in a nutshell, and how i hate these qualities in myself, especially in relation to certain members of my family.
Keep with it Ga Guy, the only way out of the pain is through the pain.
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