WHY DID I RELAPSE??

[Im_an_overcomer]

I relapsed on suboxone, almost 3 months clean and feeling wonderful. Don't ask me why I did it. It happen so fast and there was no resistance in trying to find it. Obviously mi wife and kids new immediately, there was no hidding it. I know how long it took for withdrawls last time, how long do you think it will take after taking it for almost two weeks.. I know I'm so stupid.. Anyone with any advice?

[Im_an_overcomer]

It's amazing how you guys can make someone feel. Thank you for the response. I've been here more times than I would like to admit. The difference is I had more clean time without nothing, no street drug, prescription or suboxone. I felt so good. My family got to see me again. I was myself and why.. Why would I decide to make a stupid decision like I did. There is one thing I gained from this. To be clean and see what it feels like after years, and then go back.. I hate how I feel. It really makes me not want to ever go back again. I'm so different, treat my family different, I handle everything different. I think no one knows, everyone knows. I'm going to stay positive, hopeful and just move forward. I know my wife isn't going to keep doing this and I'll be alone after 17 years. I'm 35 with 3 kids and it's time to stop living this life. Thanks for everyone support. To God be all the glory.

[petsrule]

Boy... this hit home... I had a week, over physical, and used for a week.  It was worse the next time only because I was so hard on myself.  The guilt!!!!  It is so weird.... before I had drugs I lived a life.  More life without than with.  Now, like listed above, I will be somewhere and think " pill time' and go to the purse... mentally.  This addiction is mental... mental... mental.  They control until we take back.  Don't beat yourself up... become one of the winners.  Best of luck to you... I know you can do it, you have proven that.  

[clean_in_ks]

Sorry to hear you relapsed.  We don't have to be going thru a stressful or tough time to have a craving and give in to it.

I was just walking thru the grocery store the other night...and BAM.....the "old" me started walking back to my cart to get some pills outta my purse...just like I "used to do" when I was hurting and trying to shop.  Then I thought WHOA!!!!  What are you thinkin girl???  You don't even HAVE any pills to take!!  I've been clean w/o a relapse for 19 months now.....and it hit me outta NO WHERE!!!!

Last time I read and commented on one of your posts.....it seemed like you had incorporated the roadblocks to insure success.  But it doesn't sound like that was so.

You said above, "Don't ask me why I did it. It happen so fast and there was no resistance in trying to find it."

I would never ask you "why"....cause I'm an addict and so are you.  And I agree that "it" happens fast....and you didn't have any new coping skills in place to "help you resist" either.

So I know your wife knows.....and you "used to" have a recovery support group.....but what about TODAY?  Do you have another recovering addict to call?  To talk to?  Have you shut off ALL your connections?  Do you spend any time working on your recovery?

You went from H to subs to none and had 3 months....and you can do it again....I wouldn't be so concerned about how this particular w/drawal will be as much as getting some new things in place to help you when the next craving/desire/obsession comes.

Also....when you keep posting, helping and giving back here on the forum......it tends to keep your focus on recovery.....just a thought for ya~    

[lild713]

I agree, also there's always an "Excuse" to use it and I releapse also and going through withdrawl's again. I had to put my "schooling"  on hold for my Bachelor but this time it's it and everyone around me esp stopped, also now making good money and enjoying life which makes me hunger for that life-style which we could to if we can keep occupy, also have you try go talking to "Family members"? etc? I don't know that will help, also I play Basketball,Football I've set up a Scehdule and now I'm planning to talk on here more then before since right now all I do is yawn, also I was using subs for a week then stop I don't know why I shoulda just stop me 1 whole strip last me almost 2 weeks and I just stop after that.

[Kbusymom]

I've had many relapses like the one you're describing when everything was going well.  I think it's because we haven't found other skills, coping mechanisms or things to occupy our minds and it's just second nature to reach for that pill.
Forgive yourself and move forward.  If you get stuck in the self pity mode it will give you an excuse to continue to use.
Cut your sources; that is what helped m the most, I kept relapsing until I did this.  I hope you can find some aftercare too.  
Good luck!!

[gnarly_1]

Hi  you did it because like most of us myself included your a addict  just because you stop  the drugs your not cured you will still think and do things like a addict...we can talk ourself into any thing even the insanity of going back forchantly you did not use to long and your withdrawal should be mild but once again your still a addict  you need to treat the disease one good way is to get pluged into N/A it treats the whole thing and recovery is then possible give it a honest try or keep going back........Gnarly....................