Isn't there an easier way?

I am 19 years old and addicted to percocet. I guess it began about 2 years ago they were perscribed to me after i had surgery, and it was on after that. I loved everything about them. The way i felt, the way i looked, they made it seem like everything was better than it actually was. I was taking 3 or more 10's a day, which may not seem like a lot but it started out as a half of a 5 a day.. so I've really stepped my game up. A friend of mine helped me realize i was an addict this past December, and it made me quit (cold turkey). I was clean for about a month and a half but then i started wondering what made me addicted in the first place. I had forgotten what it felt like to be high altogether, so i went out and bought some to remind myself. Just to remember, because i was sooo over my addiction (or so i thought). That was my first relapse. I have been trying to kick this ever since and it feels like there is no hope. I work 2 jobs, 7 days a week and im always on my feet. So the w/d really does a number on me. Today is day one (again) and this time i really really want this. I want to be me again and do the things that girls my age are supposed to be doing. I want to be able to have money in my pocket to do whatever i want whenever i want. I know a few addicts that are older and i do not want to end up like them. I just feel so lost. I don't know why this is so hard for me to overcome, I never needed percs before i was introduced to them so i don't understand why i feel like i do now. I have read some of the posts on here and feel like talking to people who are going through the same thing will help. I just want to know isn't there an easier way?  I know that may sound stupid but in the past I relapsed because i felt like i couldn't deal with feeling sick all the time anymore. I need some guidance.

[Jaybird30]

You have to stay strong!  The desire to quit must be 100% or it won't work!  I've been clean since January 8 and feel great!  The first 3-5 days are a physical battle like no other but afterwards is when the real struggle begins.  The mental part, for me, was the hardest but it got better everyday until really is none any more!  

[leeisgettingclean]

I am sorry that you are going through this, I (we all) know how it feels. You have to be 100% commented to quiting--you must wanna be sober more than you wanna be high. I know how it is to have to work through w/ds, I am  aCNA and work 12 hour shifts and thats what i had to do the whole tiime that i was in w/ds. The good thing is that w/ds dont last long---only about 4 or 5 days(for what we were takin--loratabs and perks and those kind of things) however, that the easy part, you ahve to get active in some sort of aftercare program, getting clean is easy--staying clean is hard! To answer your question--NO , there is not an easier way. You have to go through these w/ds--you ALSO MUST REMEMBER them--write down every day how you feel--what your going through--this you see is one thing that will help you saty clean, reflecting back on the pain of w/ds once you are past them is a tool in you recovery kit, this alone has keep me from w/ding several times.  Have you looki\ed at the "Thomas recipe"? it helps a lil--nothing is going to take the w/ds away--but there are a few things you can do to lessen them--drink plenty of fluids, exercise, take tyl pm at night for sleep, stay away from caffiene during the day(you are gona have a hard enough time sleeping)--as i mentioned--the Thomas recipe--there is something metioned in it that you can get at heath food stores(GNC) that is like a natuaral valium like remedie--it helps calm you during w/ds also helping you sleep. I am gona be praying for you--post as often as you can--that helps ALOT. if you need my phone number so you have someone to talk to if needed i will give it to you--you can also email me. Good luck, Lee

[Gabriielle]

thank you. i really appreciate your posts. And yes i'd really like to stay in touch with you lee. I can normally talk to my friends about things and get advice from them but i feel like i can't with this. I feel... well almost ashamed of myself. Like they know that i do them.. they've seen me and a few of them hav actually said look you need to quit now or you need to quit before it gets bad or whatever. And i feel like if i say oh hey im an addict and i need some advice they would look at me differently, and if not that then they wouldn't understand. My mom is helping me but, shes told me herself that she doesn't understand, and even though the two of us are very close i feel awkward bringing it up at times. So yeh i would love to talk to you about it and really appreciate the offer.

[kittycat1433]

Well if you stayed clean for 4mo , and just wanted to remind yourself what it felt like to be high, sounds like your not rally hooked your playing games with yourself and beliveme you don't want any part of drug's to be a part of the game just be sure not to take anymore you may feel like you are getting something done your not only bringing yourself closer to death so think abt whatyou do beforeyou do it!! Getting high is not a game it is very serious!!!

[Gabriielle]

Trust me i know how serious it can be, i have been struggling with this for a while now. I do not think it is a game and do not want to get high anymore. It's been tough for me trying to quit because they are so accessible where i am, and there are some days when i feel like utter **** or i have a horrible day and I wanna get high to feel better. And i do for the moment, but afterwards I'm back at square one again. This time I'm serious though i told my mother and she's been helping me a lot through w/d but, she doesn't understand what I'm going through. That's why i joined this site. I know people who are or have been addicted.. Who are still battling with and have conquered their addictions but they do not talk about it. And i'm a very vocal person.. i feel like talking to people who can relate will help me kick this once and for all.

[cathy5841]

hi gabrielle glad you found the forum.  it is a great place for support, but you also need some type after care.  very few addicts can get and stay clean with out it.  there is a reason youfeel like you cant make it with out the drugs...you must deal with those reasons if you are going to be drug free for very long.  after are equips you with the tools you need to STAY clean.  if you chose na/aa you can get a sponsor and have someone to talk to face to face that has been there and can direct on the right path.  you can also use a therapist who specializes in  addiction, but those can be expensive...the forum is a great start but nothing can take the place of after care...keep talking here and checkout some type after care...i am here if you want or need to talk anytime...just send me a PM

[leeisgettingclean]

how are you doing? I hope you are doing alright! keep us posted--posting here is one thing that got me through the first stages of getting clean--its important to post alot and stay focused!

[Gabriielle]

I am doing kinda bad today. I'm still going strong but feel like crap. I had to work today on top of it all ( and barely got any sleep lastnight). I had a million and one reasons today that i normally would use to rationalize me getting high but i didn't. Instead i toughed it out. hopefully tommorrow will b better.

[kittycat1433]

Hey girl that's great i know what your saying abt the million and one reason's.Im a stay @home mom and i can't imagine going t work it's not the so much go to work it's that you have to get ready makeup etc.....i really admire people going thru this and they still manage to get up and go to work,i work my butt off with my kid's and house laundry so on so on but i don't answer to a boss except my husband and i wouldn't really call him the boss but he does wear the pant's in the family god i love him i've put him thru pure hellllllll and he has stayed by my side thru all of it.ok enough of that im glad to see you are doing good i will be praying for you.Kitty.

[dominosarah]

Tomorrow will better.  Stay positive and keep moving forward.  I know its tough but you are tougher.       sara

[leeisgettingclean]

Sara is right! You are stronger than w/ds--You will make it! tomorrow will be better! You are on day 2 right? I think after the second full day of w/ds every second starts to get better! after day 3 girl it really is all downhill(like in a good way) you will honestly just get to a poin\t at about day 3 when you just relieze that you actually do feel better. I know all about the not being able to sleep---o believe me--i could write a book about that- not being able to sleep was prob the worse w/d symtom that i had--it also is what cause your lack of energy also--easy to see that if you dont sleep you dont have energy. I  would for sure recommend that you get whatever OTC sleep aide that works for you and take it for the first few days--if you can force your body to get a lil sleep you will feel so much better the next day! You are doing GREAT---just keep it up. please dont give in---yo can make it. We are all here for you. be strong!