Relapse (Darn little yellow devils)

[phiaNorcoqueen]

Okay guys so i relapsed a few days before christmas and so now i am and have been detoxing for 4 days now and lets just say ouch!! I feel like a failure and am such horrible person for doing this to my family again.. But this time what i am going to do is bite the bullet and bear it "if you will" anyhow i am in pain still and feel horrible i am still sweating like crazy .. i have been taking gabapinton however you spell that lol.. for the horrible wd's and it does seem to cut the symptoms in more than half.. so that has been a godsend .. i have just tried valerian root and we will see if that helps with anxiety and sleep.. But i know i have feld alot of you on here that were rooting for me i was just way to embarrassed to let any of you know what was and is going on with me.. But i know honesty is the key and i really need support so please be gentle lol..  i have been doing this for way too long and i am so tired of having to always wonder where my next pills are coming from if i run out of my script early as we all know happens each month.. so Like i said i am on the 4th night and honestly today is way worse than yesterday in some ways ..  i really feel like crap but i know i will get through this .. but with all the love and support and lots of prayers from all of you wonderful people who have been there and done that.. Novics you are a true inspiration to me and am glad to call you a friend you may never know how much you have helped me.. Thanks fried and hey thats it for now and will post more tomorrow or later if i can't sleep .. But hey i'm also looking into getting into some NA meetings which will be a first for me oh and i was on Norco 10/325 12-15 a day and now cold turkeying.. talk to all later and anyone that would like to comment or even just need to talk with someone that is in the same boat as you i'm always ready for a new friend anyways everyone be blessed and i love each and everyone of you.. .

[phiaNorcoqueen]

just updating everyone how i am feeling.. well only slept about 3 hours last night due to children waking me up.. oh well its ok!! But how am i feeling? i am still having the sniffles, leg aches , tiredness but trying my hardest not to sit down for too long.. but all in all i am blessed to be on my 5th day because i normally would have found a way to go get some more.. And i'm a little on edge because i know my next refill is on thursday and i'm anxious about that.. But luckly i gave all my money to my hubby and told him not to give it to me no matter what until after doc appt is over.. i am blessed to have a husband that is so supportive i litterally can tell him everything and anything and he wont judge me he will do anything in his willpower to help me.. and pray for me is the key.. and to anyone that is going through this please stay strong alot of it passes in 3-5 days and does get better everyday.. i know i'm far from being done with having an addiction i continually have to be on my guard.. But i love a challenge haha.. well will talk to you all soon

[bmdad]

Never feel like you'll be judged for coming back her and admitting relapse. Not one person here will think any different of you! We are all here for same reasons and have all been through or are going through the same thing as you including relapse. All you can do is learn from your mistake and try and figure out what you're going to do different this time around. You've already taken one step by giving all of your money to your husband so you're not able to pay for the appointment or pay for your script.

It's great that you're looking into some meetings because you have to do something different this time around.

Are you taking any vitamins or supplements? If not I'd recommend checking into the amino acid protocol. It seemed to really help not only physically but also mentally as you will still be taking pills. The difference is they are good for you! Also be sure to push the fluids, eat healthy and exercise. I can't stress exercise enough. I know it's hard to muster up the energy to do so but you have to force yourself even if it's just a short walk around the block.

Do all you can to keep your mind occupied. Rent some funny movies, pick up a good book, do a jigsaw puzzle, anything that will keep you from thinking about using.

Just keep a strong mindset and tell yourself every second of everyday that you will succeed. The brain is so much stronger than the body so if you put your mind to it you will not fail.

I too suffer from chronic pain. Any day with pain is much better than a day using. There are ways to manage pain without narcotic pain meds. If you need any help figuring out what to do next for you pain, let me know.

Hang in there. You will get through this.

Best of luck!




Brian

[phiaNorcoqueen]

well yes i was perscribed them for legit pain but really couldn't care less what pain i will be in the future .. Because in my own opinion it will never be as bad as the pain i feel while always trying to find them or waiting for my  next refill.. So i have a doc appt.. in two days and i know if i didnt give my hubby all of the money i had on me i would certainly be taking my butt right on up there to get some more..  i have to say this is by far the worsed thing i will ever have to go through and even humiliating with have all my secrets out in the open like that.. But i let my mom know as well and she says that she is proud of me for not giving up and she is praying for me and in my eyes that is by far the best thing anyone can do for me.. well i only got like two hours of sleep and it is horrible and i feel like crap.. but anyways not gonna concentrate on that right now i'm gonna give all of my attention to my children which of course has been lacking since i've started the d/t anyhow i was taking norco 10/325 12-15 a day habit which as everyone know only got worse over years.. but i can't go to the doc and ask him for help with this they are the kind of doc's that will dish out whatever and when they give you all of this they expect you to go completely by the directions which of course that most of us do not.. and when we do run out early they say oh well.. But anyways i have been a user for 6+ years on and off mostly on.. So now i'm on day 5 and my legs are still killing me i am going to gave to get in to see the phychiatrist they sure help alot more that money hungry doc's not all are like that but some are.. anyways i will update later ttyl  and yes i do want to quit not only to get my next refill that is why i gave my hubby all of my money  good idea i hope so cause i know he wont give it back to me for nothing until after the appt day is over whoo that was one hard thing to do..  

[bama88]

Oh..i know the detox off of those are wicked to say the least. The sweating followed by the coldest shakes. The stomach issues. The mental games etc. Oh do i feel.for you..Im so sorry you don't feel good. In my opinion its the worst withdrawls imaginable.. Hang in there. The week will be over faster than you think...hugs

[bama88]

I know those darn yellow pills are a devil aren't they. I relapsed so many times i can't count them anymore lol. Its maddening stopping oxycontin . Its way worst than Loratabs in my opinion. Oxycontin will chew up and spit out the norcos . That's my opinion. Don't feel ashamed for relapseing. It happens to the best of us. I completely understand. I was on those yellow devils myself for two years. Grrr. Those pills have a huge physical and mental.dependency. And the only way off those things is hard work. I attend out patient therapy for addiction as well as Na/aa meetings. What's your plan.for long term aftercare?

Don't spend too much thoughts about beating yourself up. What's done is done. If ya don't mind me asking..why are you prescribed Oxycontin? How long have you been on them? Do you take them for legit pain? Can you take them as prescribed?  Are you completely out waiting for a refill? Can someone in your house dole them out correctly for you?

I wish you success with this. Again be gentle with yourself. I know Im always seconds away from relapseing myself....your friend..bama

[bettermomma]

Hunny, you are not alone, that's for sure! I, myself had relapsed on christmas day, and kept using until, 5 days ago... I must say tho, this place and these members are very respectful. Sometimes stern, but only to make a point or to bring you back to reality, so to speak. I know how ashamed I was, when I posted lastnight and the night before but our friends here all know that shame and they don't judge us, because we are all human. All you gotta do is find what works best for you. Trial and error. Although, if you don't ever try different things, you'll never know if they work. I too, am sweating shivering, ect ... but if you want to be on the brighter side of life, you need to occupy your mind, that way you ignore what you feel like. I know that I sound like a hypocrite, but I've done this enough times, that I don't and won't ever wanna do it again. I believe in you and I have faith that if you set your mind to this, that you can overcome and overpower this demon that lurks inside all of us who are here. I may not have the greatest advice but what I do have is enough experience to know that we have to be prepared to be afraid and to let ourselves actually heal. I was my own worst enemy, and when I figured out my triggers, I'm learning how to cope with them, instead of numbing them. You know as well as I do, that you can ignore the problem but it's still there, and will only go away when resolved. I hope you the best of luck and keep posting it helps to pour out your soul to perfect strangers... lol I do it a lot and it really helps me. Good luck again and god bless!
With loving support!
Momma