OK, having some not so good thoughts...

[chico1969]

As I mentioned in another post earlier, I am having trouble sleeping.  My boyfriend is beside me sleeping as he couldn't take it anymore and fell asleep - although I love him for trying.  One funny thing - I must have made a slip and ticked off that I was male - when in fact I am female.  So those reading my posts about my boyfriend must have though that I am gay - sorry, but that is not the case.

My issue is now that he is asleep I have an opportunity to sneak out of the house and go pick up.  I HATE myself for even thinking of doing this.  I keep telling myself "just one 40 to help youget some sleep" and then nobody would even know.  I absolutely hate myself for being so weak already.  I'm going to try to look up an NA meeting - does it work the same as AA meetings?

[chico1969]

Thanks for the support everyone.  I didn't use- I went and had a hot bath, then did the dishes (they sure have piled up in the past few days of being dope sick) and then, miraculously - I FELL ASLEEP!!!! Even if if was just for about 3 hrs or so, I feel a bit better.  Still really weak and depressed.  I'm going out for a walk with by boyfriend now, hopefully a long one so I can get a bit more tired out.

Thanks again to you all. :)

[Punkinhead75]

Don't worry about the sick thinking or being weak.  It's just how we are.  At least now we now how we are and we can do something about.  When I get the sick thoughts or "stinkin thinkin" I thank God for letting me know that I'm still sick and that I still need help and support.  It may sound twisted but gratitude is better than self-pity.  Lots of us go through the sleeplessness.  I still do from time to time.  I just lay back for a bit and try to rest.  Eventually I get up and do something.  Most of all I try not to worry about it.  That only feeds the monster.

[wendy111]

hang in there when you keeping thinking thoughts you eventualy feel them so try not to dwell to long.
it is tuff but try!  and everybody is right would hate to go back to day one.
good luck and do not get anything I too will make it through today

wendy

[10356]

I agree with the others that going to a meeting would be good.. the thing about getting clean is you really have to be sick and tired of how your life is on the drugs. Your attitude plays such a large roll in the wd process.. I understand it is very hard not to sleep but it is even harder to loose your life to a pill.. one 40 will be good for a few hours but you would set yourself back to day one.. is it really worth it ? You will sleep, your mind will force your body to comply if it wants to our not. Hang in there ok You can do this.. keep posting talking it helps time to pass.. walk and walk some more it will help relive your pains and help your cravings.. look at it this way one pill for everything you hold dear.. not worth it. lesa

[vicki595]

Yes,Tram is right.  Reach out here and talk about it,then let it go.  Many of us go through this and it's fleeting. Don't let it take you over.

Going to a meeting is a great plan. AA would be fine...alcohol is a drug,too.  ;)

Remember: First be accountable to yourself!  If you use,I promise you it will be bad! You'll feel terrible and it's just not worth it. I've been there and I NEVER want to be there again!!  You don't either!!

Do what you can to rest. Sleep deprivation is one bad trigger...

[LeaAnn807]

Hey!  I have had that problem.  It is easy to stay focused and clean when someone is looking over your shoulder....not so easy when nobody is looking!!!  What I did was talked to a very good friend about it.  See, for me it was pretty recent.  Not during detox.  My whole family was gone, kids were in school, hubby at work, parents out of town etc.  I just noticed "Hey, there's nobody watching.  I can do whatever I want!"  I also had some other junk going on that didn't help matters.  The important thing to remember is that it is not going to help much, and then you have disappointment and stress over what you have done!  I stayed clean.  I really wanted to, and I noticed that for the first time that day.  I WANT to stay clean.  NO one is making me!  

It felt good!  You are going to be ok!  Try to rest no matter if you sleep or not!

[chronicmistake]

Well you  just thought about it and did not act on those thoughts. good for you!!  When you start haviing that negative talk in your head  you have to learn how to redirect your thoughts to positive things.  If you are having problems sleeping then see your doctor.  there are also OTC medications like melatonin and valarian root that my help.