Aa
Lost with no hope
I feel so alone I take any kind of pain pills but I mostly use norco but ill use anything I have recently lost my job and I'm gonna lose my wife but I can't stop I have tried over 20 times in the past months but the more I try to stop the more I feel that I realize I will never stop and I love the high to much
Hi and welcome! I agree with everyone on the fact that you need to want to stop before you can. I think personally, you are pretty close. I agree with Teresa that you want to do it before you hit rock bottom. I also think you might be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. You should talk with your doctor about the way you are feeling and I'm sure he will be able to help you get your life back. I'd been suffering from depression, social anxiety disorder, OCD and a host of other mental disorders. I think now that I kept using due to my psychological state. I'd been taking Vicodin for 6 years before I stopped CT 6 days ago. I think the reason I've gotten this far this time is the fact that I got help for my depression 6 months ago. The meds and therapy my Phsyciatrist provided have done wonders for my mental well being. I too felt like there was no point in living anymore. That I didn't deserve the love of my husband and family. There was a point where I had planned to either end my life or run away somewhere. I felt like a failure. Now I feel as if there is hope. I'm in a different state of mind. I want to be better for myself and my family. Sorry for the novel, but I just wanted to say that you're not alone. Everyone on this site has been thru their own personal hell. Yet, with each others help, we are all trying to get our lives back. Everyone here understands and nobody judges. We will all be more than happy to support you and give any advice we are capable of. Just keep posting and ask questions. Believe me, there IS hope. Good luck to you and everyone else here.
From what you've posted, we may not be able to adequately help you here. Granted, the forum is a place for you to vent, to express your fears and frustrations, but it sounds like you're carrying baggage that might only be addressed by a professional. I suggest that you continue to look for a doc that you can relate to, communicate with. I went through several before I found a good one. You need to let go of feeling like you don't deserve a good life, or feeling like a monster. You are here, opening up and being honest. That tells me that you're wanting help.
I can also say, without hesitation, that there have been others on this forum who've done terrible things; who've lead horrible lives, yet have managed to get clean. Their journey was much harder than most, but all started with a first step.
I can also say, without hesitation, that there have been others on this forum who've done terrible things; who've lead horrible lives, yet have managed to get clean. Their journey was much harder than most, but all started with a first step.
I hear what everyone is saying I have tried getting the help talking to drs but I always find myself tuning them out the way I feel is sometimes I don't deserve a good life because of things I have done (overseas) I cannot see myself stoping pills ever in my life I guess it helps me drown out the monster I feel that I am
We all think we are "better people" when were high. Were not. We wouldnt have been in the bad situations if we were better people on drugs.
You have to want to change. This can be done but you really have to want it. Is your wife worth losing for pills? If she leaves you one of two things will happen...You will either get heavier into drugs to numb the pain or get clean. I know I wouldve gotten deeper into drugs if my husband wouldve left me. I chose to stop heroin CT. I did it. I now have almost 3 months clean. We are still fixing our relationship but theres no where else Id rather be. I wouldve been dead by now if he wouldve left me. She loves you. Thats why she hasnt left yet. If you really love her dont let her go. Do this. Get clean, get counseling. do whatever it takes to fix the damage. Were all human and we all make mistakes. But you eventually have to learn from them. I hope you can make the choice and this site does wonders for people before, during and after detox. Post and I mean ALOT about how your feeling. It will do wonders. Best of luck to you!
You have to want to change. This can be done but you really have to want it. Is your wife worth losing for pills? If she leaves you one of two things will happen...You will either get heavier into drugs to numb the pain or get clean. I know I wouldve gotten deeper into drugs if my husband wouldve left me. I chose to stop heroin CT. I did it. I now have almost 3 months clean. We are still fixing our relationship but theres no where else Id rather be. I wouldve been dead by now if he wouldve left me. She loves you. Thats why she hasnt left yet. If you really love her dont let her go. Do this. Get clean, get counseling. do whatever it takes to fix the damage. Were all human and we all make mistakes. But you eventually have to learn from them. I hope you can make the choice and this site does wonders for people before, during and after detox. Post and I mean ALOT about how your feeling. It will do wonders. Best of luck to you!
Hi, I just wanted to welcome you and also offer support! We have all been there in one way or another! We know how you feel! I want to tell you that you can do this! You can change the direction of your life! It's certainly not to late! You will have to do the work, and walk the walk, but we will take every step with you! You will not be alone! Please consider it! I wish you all the best, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers! Hope to hear back from you!
Just wanted to offer my supprt to you! I agree with the others and that you dont want to wait to hit your bottom! Its not a fun place to be! You also have to have the WANT to quit, and although you sound desperate enough, are you ready to put in the work? I was a chronis relapser, and I never thought I would stop but this time, what was different is I looked at everything I had "tried" to do in the past to stop, and I did the complete opposite and the biggest thing was in the past I had no aftercare, No counseling and thought I could do it alone! I was wrong!
I think like maria said, that Subs may be a good option for you, or possibly even IP rehab?? Whatever it is, you just need to say "I deserve to take my life back, I deserve to be healthy and happy" Any bad day without pills, is FAR better than any good day with them!
We are here to support you, and you can do this! just take that step!!
I think like maria said, that Subs may be a good option for you, or possibly even IP rehab?? Whatever it is, you just need to say "I deserve to take my life back, I deserve to be healthy and happy" Any bad day without pills, is FAR better than any good day with them!
We are here to support you, and you can do this! just take that step!!
Please talk to your doctor and try to get help again.
Your doctor should be able to help you somehow, someway.
You sound very desperate and I agree with Kyle, I think you are very close to your bottom.
Please keep us updated.
Your doctor should be able to help you somehow, someway.
You sound very desperate and I agree with Kyle, I think you are very close to your bottom.
Please keep us updated.
I failed for over 15 years. I lied, took pills from friends and family - even my own children. I lost so much, but not all. About 11 months ago I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror (really). I no longer cared about my family, my job, nothing - only pills. I didn't even give a crap about me.
And I was dying inside. The older you get the harder it is to live as an addict. Your lies, the things you did and the people you hurt - they all start to catch up with you.
As the others have said, since you're the one who puts the pills in your mouth, you're the only one who can stop. And you talk about wanting to stop before you hit your bottom? I think you're pretty close.
Only one thing I can add - life IS fantastic without pills. After using for years and years we lose sight of that. I too couldn't imagine living without my Norco; now I can't imagine living with them. This is a promise - any bad day clean is sooo much better than you're best day using.
Let us know what you decide. We're here to help.
And I was dying inside. The older you get the harder it is to live as an addict. Your lies, the things you did and the people you hurt - they all start to catch up with you.
As the others have said, since you're the one who puts the pills in your mouth, you're the only one who can stop. And you talk about wanting to stop before you hit your bottom? I think you're pretty close.
Only one thing I can add - life IS fantastic without pills. After using for years and years we lose sight of that. I too couldn't imagine living without my Norco; now I can't imagine living with them. This is a promise - any bad day clean is sooo much better than you're best day using.
Let us know what you decide. We're here to help.
I sometimes want to leave my wife because she does not deserve this I love her so much but I have destroyed my life I had so much potential I was in the army now I don't even tell anybody I was anymore because I feel disgusted in myself for how I turned out
My wife knows and I'm past the point of just for the high it has been 2 years of everyday taking 20 to 30 pills a day but I have cut it down a lot but I take it know just to feel myself I also feel I'm a better person when I'm using because I always used enough to get me high but not make me pass out and obviously over time it has been taking more to get that feeling I have tried three detox programs and a methadone clinic it was working well but it was to far and I have very little money
It seems like u want the help. Have u ever thought abt suboxone? Normally i dont jump right in and recommend it but seeing as u have tried to stop many times with no success mayb it will help. Im on the suboxone program now and it saves my life!!! If u want u cam PM me and ill give u details and answer any question u have!!! This forum is amazing and u will get the help and support u need here!
Must have been typing at the same time. So your wife knows? Until you experience this for yourself, there is no way of describing it to someone who is not addicted.
Glad to see you posted your own message. I agree with the advice given. You really do need to want to stop yourself. Until then you will keep finding excuses to use. We all loved the high at one point, that is what kept us going back, but to me it stopped being a high and started being more to just make me feel normal. Hope you decide to stop before you lose those you care about. Unfornately, I did not take the same advice, and regret it everyday. Does your wife know you are addicted? Or are you hiding it?
That is what is crushing me the most is I am in a downward spiral but I have not hit the bottom but I wanna stop before I do I just need support I have never had it my parents left me with my grandparent when I was young and they had cancer and there own problems with pain pills so I never got the love and support to get through my problems and my drug use does I'm sorry but I honestly put my money on my death from this addiction and the saddest part is my wife does not comfort me she is the type of person who believe it can be stopped whenever you want I have been begging for help but I know now I'm on my own
Hi and welcome,
You will reach a point where the lows outweigh the highs and it's not worth it anymore.
Please don't wait until you lose everything before you quit.
Many people have been successful quitting by the advice given on this forum. Let us know when you are ready to quit.
You will reach a point where the lows outweigh the highs and it's not worth it anymore.
Please don't wait until you lose everything before you quit.
Many people have been successful quitting by the advice given on this forum. Let us know when you are ready to quit.
hi ldmjr....just wanted to say we are here to support you when you decide you've had enough..alot of good people on here and we are here to help and support you the best we can.....just know you are not alone in this!!!
Hi ldmjr. It sounds to me if u dont stop ur wife will leave u but unfortunately u can only stop and stay clean if u want it. Until u hit bottom or u realize this is tearing ur family apart ur not going to stop. U say u love the high too much. Do u want to b clean and sober or do u want to remain high and lose everything? Tht is a question u need to ask urself before anything. I wish u the best.
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