1 step forward 2 steps back

[bear_necessities]

I woke up yesterday in very good spirits. Went and had a wonderful lunch with my wife, and then everything seemed to turn on me. I felt like I started to go back into some mild withdrawals. I had extreme irritability and nervousness. I just couldn't  seem to relax. And then I had my biggest test in the 8 days I've been clean. My wife got her scrip filled last night, and my mind just exploded knowing that there were pills in close proximity. I had the worst sweats and nightmares last night. Y'all will be glad to know that I didn't buckle. Though my mind was practically begging me to be stupid I DID NOT WAIVER!!!! I'm really hoping today is better day...

[FourJays]

Hope you have another good one today.  When does your new job start?  Keep posting and let us know how it goes ok?  And congrats on day 9.  Keep it up :))

[VICourageous]

OK Now you hang in we need the Bear Hug once in awhile..Ha!!!!

[bear_necessities]

Just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to chime in yesterday. It really made me feel good to read all the support you guys and gals gave me. I actually just read them all again to positively reinforce my day. Thank y'all again...

[VICourageous]

OK Great Big Bear Hug for YOU!!! Keep up the good work!! Ya!!!!
Bless & the Blessing roll in...

[toothfairie]

congrats on staying strong and congrats on getting the job!  keep doing what you're doing....you are doing great!!!  

[weaver71]

That's r great news. I used to remind myself that people can't see all my feelings. You pulled it off. Lots to look forward to.

[bear_necessities]

Thank you everyone. Today started crappy, but its turning around. I really needed all the support i could get today.

[FourJays]

Congratulations on the job!!!  That is great news.....you should be very proud!

[BelleFemme]

Congrats! I am so happy for you..we are on the same day as you know so I will be encouraging you..:)

[bear_necessities]

Thank you, laurel453...

[laurel453]

oops, i mean, you did compose yourself  and you did it without any ...

[laurel453]

hey, CONGRATS !!!!! you did compose yourself and you didn't without any crap stuff, all and only by yourself, feel proud, i am really happy for you, bear !

[bear_necessities]

I got the job! Thank The Lord!

[VICourageous]

Great Job on your days..Thats a hard one knowing there in the house! I will agree with the above..I will just say yes we can find ways to get substances if we really want them, but why have them right there in front of you..You did very, very good..But there is always another day..The w/ds seem to ease up in stages but the emotions come in waves for some. Just hang tight and ride this wave out it should get better...
Bless

[dominosarah]

Your emotions will be all over the place for awhile.  Let yourself feel them.  It's okay!  There was a very low point in my life and i was crying uncontrollably..I was talking with my friend and she said to me "Congrats on feeling again".  I wanted to reach thru the phone and slap her until i really thought about it.  I will never forget those words she spoke as they are so true.  We numbed our emotions up for so long.

[weaver71]

You didn't use, I don't think you went backward at all. You had a very difficult test, it may FEEL like a step back, but you are still moving forward. I've had my brain cause physical symptoms as well. Each test you pass is pushing you toward healing and sober strength. It will get easier, but I would ask your partner to hide them, take them in private, and not let you see the bottle or pills. I remember my heart sinking when I would see pills, someone taking pills, or anyone was high. It's hard enough to walk past a pharm full of strangers. Very impressive. You are amazing. Thanks for sharing your success, you are an inspiration.

[bear_necessities]

She is now.  Between her and my mom I was always able to supplement my prescription exponentially. We have all suffered from legitimate pain issues, but I was the only one abusing the meds.  

[bear_necessities]

I am having the worst day yet as far as emotional issues are concerned today.  I've been crying uncontrollably for most of the morning and don't know why.  Am I expecting too much too soon?  Am I beginning paws?  I have a job interview in a couple of hours and I don't know if I'm going to be able to compose myself.

[dominosarah]

Does your wife lock her pills up?

[OpenMind24hours]

Congrats on 8 days bear! You'll still have ups and downs, but it WILL get much better, if you don't use no matter what. You've been through WAY too much to up and snatch defeat from the hands of victory now. One of the thoughts that has always helped me is "it's not going to be like this the rest of my life, just this moment that it's happening in". That's what we mean by taking it one minute, hour and day at a time. Get through the period you're in now, never trying to figure out all the mysteries of the future.

Knowing a source is very close by after just 8 days is tough for you, been there. Wife had a bottle of 5s in her purse, right where I knew they were. But I'm also a recovering alcoholic in the worst way, and there is always alcohol around the house. I can't lock myself in some "safe-room" in our house, it's out there to be had! That's why I go to aftercare and work on my thinking, along with all the other actions I can take to put a wall of recovery between me and my next big drug and alcohol disaster. My DOCs will always be out there waiting for me if i let my guard down. I had to make staying clean the number one thing in my life. As long as I don't go out and "get one", the rest of my life will fall into place, with a fair amount of order and peace.

[neveragainplease]

Locked up or not, the pills won't make you take them. And stuff is just a call or text away to an old buddy who can score for you. I'M PROUD OF YOU. You conquered!

[FourJays]

Wow, good for you....you really showed some serious willpower and commitment to this by NOT caving to the pressure.  You are going to have good days and bad days; and if you hang in, the good days WILL start outnumbering the bad ones very, very soon.  You have worked really hard for your 8 days, and I'm sure you don't ever want to go through that again; and you DON'T have to.  I agree with Laurel that you should to talk to your wife and make sure those pills are locked-up and out of your sight.  As long as they are around and you have access to them your sobriety will be in constant jeopardy.  The temptation will get easier in time, but it will always lurk in the background (had it happen to me this weekend; at 5 months had my first "test" with pills in the house; did NOT cave, but was surprised by how much they affected me).  NEVER let your guard down!  You are doing AMAZING - congratulations and keep it up :))

[WODAgirl]

I felt the EXACT same way, but, let me tell you....give it a couple of days. I feel so much better. Don't know why...but I do.

[laurel453]

don't get discouraged, going forward and bakwards is so normal... you will get used, just keep pushing you forward !! and please, tell your wife to keep her med in a safe box... you don't need to suffer that much, ok ? good luck :)