How do I know?

[Somewhereovertherainbow]

How do I know if my husband is still using Tramadol and uppers/downers. He has had a problem for over 7 years and had 5 detox progs, abandoned everytime and relapsed. He has left the family home and swears he is not using but I don't know whether to believe him even though everyone thinks he is. He is now over two hundred miles away and says we need time out to work on ourselves - the relationship. He became very angry and irritable after last relapse  a few months ago and has been gone over a month. I love him and want to make things better but he has become so disconnected and will not acknowledge the impact addiction has had on the whole family, instead blaming incompatability. I was supportive but did not condone his addiction especially when he became negligent by leaving tabs fall on the floor and falling asleep while supervising the kids when I was working.  As we have young children this caused conflict. At night he slept in another room by himself which made me feel unloved.  How do I know if he is still using? What should I do? He swore before he wasn't and later I found out he was.  My family are fed up of his abandonment and wish I would let him go. Please help.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Moving on is so hard, but may be necessary. Try joining Al-anon. There is lots of help for you there.

[wannabefree330]

I think its time you became fed up with his behavior as well.  You are allowing him to act and treat you and your children this way by holding on.  Whether he is using still or not, why would you continue to put yourself through this hell when you can do something about it?  I suggest you go to alanon and learn how to work on YOUR side of this disease.  As you said, his addiction has affected the entire family and everyone needs treatment for that.  If he's not willing to get it, or stick through it, at least you can do your part and get yourself healthy-emotionally and mentally.  you DONT have to live like this anymore.  He is obviously choosing drugs or another way of life over you so you need to move on.