Methadone WD Advice

[pillfree21]

After 1 year of taking 20 mg of methadone, I am down to 10 mg and due to taper to 5 mg this morning.(my clinic only disperses in 5 mg increments)...my first instinct was to cold turkey, but this weekend I skipped a dose and really began to feel the incredibly unbearable feeling....this has made me want to re-think and try to use Suboxone for a few days to break the methadone pull and withdraw from the Suboxone....any advice, comments, or history is welcome.

This weekend shook my confidence in my ability to cold turkey from methadone...I feel like I am in the same impossible situation I was in when I tried to stop using 8-10 (10mg) Hydros for 2 or so years.

[laurel453]

this is right, pillfree... you know that your recovery is first thing as Sarah says always, the most sacred thing.  The difference therapy has done to me relating addiction is that i don't struggle anymore... this is a fight but not a struggle against myself. Do whatever you need now to care for your recovery....Meetings, therapy, addiction counselling...

all the best !!

[pillfree21]

51 days and I am seriously be threatened by thoughts of relapse....the mind plays tricks on you and makes you think that you are okay and can handle one or two pills....amazing how I could even think that after what I just went through, but those thoughts are swirling.

I live in a small town, so NA meetings will be difficult, but I am considering just going anyway, so what if people know.  I need to live my life for recovery right now, I am not going back to that hell.

[pillfree21]

42 days and still fighting the good fight....this thing really is a process.  The only thing that makes it better is to be able to look back and see how much worse I was. It is still a day to day grind however.

[pillfree21]

I think everyone needs to keep a record of their original thread(posts)....I just went back and read mine from the beginning and can really see a major difference in where I was mentally (and physically) then and where I am know.....an incredible reminder that time truly does heal.  By no means I am out of the woods, I just am not in the place I was when I came here....and that is a good thing.

[laurel453]

yeah, it is good... hahaha

btw, i really hope you will regain full custody of half your mind very soon and you will feel much better soon , pill free :)

[pillfree21]

I was doing reading in old posts and I think I came across an original post by Thomas of the now infamous Thomas receipe, I also found this very funny story about methadone maintenance, I had to print it out and read it every day for like 2 weeks, just cracking my side.  For those who have been on the methadone, I think you may enjoy it, I certainly did.



ROMANCING THE DONE  by 4ced2be on Aug 31, 2007

I am currently in the throws of a brutal headache jag, courtesy of methadone withdrawl. I am trying to mark the hour so to speak, so I never forget this nightmare. Some people out there may take this all lightly, but methadone is truely the "Bytch-Godess" of all temptresses I've ever met.

She was there when I needed her. She stole away the pain of a lifetime, that only crushed bones and torn nerves have to offer. She shushed my sorrows, when crying out for relief. I climbed in bed with the seemingly savior princess, who promised me a full nights sleep, and she assured me that all would be well, as long as we were married... and she of course, was to be my only significant other, and the rest would be a story book ending, as long as there was no ending...

But she came with bagage! I was suddenly introduced to her friends; side effects and
possesivess, they too wanted to move in with us in the house of Methadone! This has house many rooms.Each room has modular mood swings. The master bedroom Is the even keeled room,..It's where I keep my "game face" it's the one that writes out the bills, and makes the phone calls. THis is the room I go to sleep in every night, however I don't awaken there. I always wake up in the "dark room" , this room has no light or windows and this is where the princess injects her morning headaches and reminds me of every raw nerve and damaged body part. I quickly flee this room and bolt for the kitchen! grab a glass of water for my morning dose. Occasionally I visit the other rooms "uncertainty" and down the hall is "hope". Once in a while I peek into this room although the princess beckons me not to!

For now I am sitting on the living room  couch "contemplation" and I am planning to leap out the window. Awsta-louwaga-baby... I've already tried the front door, and threatend divorce but the bytch-Godess protests and threatens to sue! she's already got custedy of half my mind, memory and patience and promises to leave her mark constipation and humiliation! We will be breaking up soon, but I'm afraid Im afraid I'll be needing the house. I think I"ll stay single a while and warn anybody who meets up with the princess, She is wicked beautiful, but she's got teeth and she bites!!!


That is a pretty funny story to me...still.

[pillfree21]

Gnarly and RedHotzz,

I can actually feel the sincerity and experience in your words. I tried my best to explain to my wife what this is like, but only others who have gone through this will truly ever know.  Gnarly you hit the nail right on the head with how I am feeling, not as bad as a month ago, but nowhere near where I would like to be.  "Sick and tired of being sick and tired"....true indeed.

I am daily subscriber to the whey protein shakes, and have managed to exercise at least 3 or 4 4 times a week. It helps a lot in terms of tiring me out for sleep purposes as well.  

[redhotzz]

All I can tell you is what I experienced and BRAVO to you for making it this far! You will have the depression and possibly sleep issues...FOR A WHILE (maybe a year). I am the woman who had severe memory loss due to Methadone 10 mg twice a day for 5 yrs. I tapered MYSELF off of it because my PM doc would not listen to me about the memory loss. I did it in 2 months. I had terrible restless sleep for almost this whole year, but I just took 2 Tylenol at bedtime and tossed and turned. If it got really bad, I got back up. I'd do what I had to do during the day, including a huge life move that took 2 months to do alone, and when I needed to rest or sleep I did. Life is now getting back to pre-Methadone, I live in pain still daily, but I am not going back to the pain doctor who wouldn't listen to me! My memory  is again 100%. Menopause didn't take it. I rarely forget where I put my keys. My son notices that I don't have any memory lapses now. He's shocked that it WAS the Methadone and HOW BAD it was. I feel bad that he had to be any part of that, but I tried to tell the Pain doctor that several times and he told me Methadone doesn't cause memory loss.
I found for ME....stay busy, find new hobbies and friends to do things with. When you get tired, sleep or rest. You have conquered a demon!!! BRAVO!!! I wish you the best!!!

[gnarly_1]

HEY Dude you doing great ....yes this is a long road but each day you get under your belt your that much closer to getting you life back....try not to get discouraged you are making progress its just slower then you would like...methadone is a monster to kick post withdrawal thats why so many go back to it they just cant handle the post withdrawals it does get better with time and God....I found myself praying for releaf an awful lot...it seamed to help
your threw the worst of it the second month is kinda a month in limbo your still not up to snuff but you start to have a few good days here and there...it was around 90 days that the tide turned for me...its different for everybody but my withdrawal was pritty typical just hang in there drink 2 whey protein shakes a day take some liquid B-complex in the morning for a little releaf midday and just hang in there you will make it threw...I know just how hopeless it can feel you get sick of being sick but I promise better days are ahead
exeorsize as much as you can....I know its hard with the energy crash but it is a necessity you got to fight this thing from every angle to win...I have been folowing your progress and your doing as well as can be expected keep posting for support we all want to see you get well as soon as possible good luck and God bless.....Gnarly        

[pillfree21]

Post methadone depression is a b*#$ch!  It is very difficult to motivate myself to do anything besides the things that must be done like taking kids to school, going to work, etc.  The only thing I can do is keep moving and hoping things will get better.  To anyone who is behind me, just know that this is a long, tough grind that will test your desire to get your life back, but it can be done.

[pillfree21]

It's hard to believe that I have not been to that dang blasted methadone clinic in 24 days, and will never go again, unless I am going to help someone else.  As tired and fatigued as I am, I get very happy and giddy at the thought the money I am saving by being clean.  I think my wife is fairly happy with this new arrangement as well!

To anyone lurking or just reading posts, please believe that things do get better.  I am by no means out of the water completely, I just consider myself lying on the beach, trying to muster the energy to start walking on dry land...if you get my drift.

To all those in front, thanks for clearing the path and to all those behind, keep following.

[gnarly_1]

HEY Dude hang in there....your right your fighting a good fight and winning
remember its baby steps as far as progress goes the energy crash can be debilitating
have you tried the whey protein shakes yet?? im sorry if you have and I havent kept up got a lot going on with my kid in the hospital ....I just want to encourage you to keep fighting
try walking a little bit each day then add a little bit each day...I know this sounds impossible now but trust me it helps to go out for walks...aftercare is a must for the mental/emotional part of this thing...I know I would have crashed and burned a long time ago if it wasent for aftercare so get pluged in and work it it makes it ezer in the long run again I apoligise if you all ready told me your getting it my mind is 1/2 in and 1/2 out right now...the main thing here is try not to get discouraged you are getting better...mabe slower then you like but you are making progress keep up the good job good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    

[pillfree21]

I am at a point where it is hard to complain because I think the worst is over in terms of the physical, but mentally and emotionally, I still feel that I do not have my legs up under me.  The only terrible physical thing right now at Day 22 is the loss of taste buds and the chronic fatique, but other than that, I am still in the ring, fighting the good fight.

[laurel453]

Hi pillfree :)

you can try the therapy, this is what i'm doing and it is really helping me.

as for the dentist.... yeah, i know about it :) Lol... i had to visit him after detoxing, ok, i waited some months to go and trust me, the fear with have about this is much bigger than reality ( as usual ).... i have been visiting him on a regular basis for the last months because it takes time repairing and looking good :) and i haven't had any problem with pain, i have taken ibuprofeno and stuff like this, no problem.

[pillfree21]

I live in a small town with a very high profile community position, so AA/NA are really not options for me.  That is why I tend to think this site has become that much more meaningful for me.  I do understand the importance of aftercare, but right now, I just want my mind and body back normal.  At first, I thought it would just be like getting to a point of "being clean", but now I am slowly coming to the acceptance that I will have to live an addict's life in terms of being on guard, prepared, and even a little bit paranoid about the possibility.  My wife mentioned my need to see the dentist and I got a scared, funny feeling in my stomach because I know I need some major work and that would put me in the position of possibility having to use.  I really hate being scared like that, but that is a position I put myself in.  One of my greatest fears is that I will get seriously injured and find myself in a pickle, but that is just my mind playing tricks on me.

For now, I am not going near a dentist office until at least the 90 day mark.

[vicki595]

Hi~  This has been tough but you've done it !!  3 weeks is a big deal...

Any thoughts on how you'll stay sober??  Therapist,groups,AA/NA?  It's great to have as much support as possible with this "monster"...

Vicki

[pillfree21]

Thank you Laurel and Jewlz, I have never felt more support in this addiction journey than being able to come to this site.  After reading my posts again, I am realizing that a lot of what is happening now is the mental work of recovery, the WDs are no longer major events, just small discomforts that really test your resolve.  I think here is where I need to step my game up and keep postive messages and influences around me.

I think I am going to Books A Million today and pull something from the self-help section...I hope everyone is hanging tough today.

[jewlz2626]

Yes! 21 days! That is a MILESTONE!! It WILL get better, it takes time. I am facing all of these results from you guys, and wishing I was at 18 days! But i just have to do what works best for me! What I do know is you have come SO far, and it can only get better! This is such a small price to pay for damaging our bodies for so long. I have begun to take vitamins daily to try and repair my strength for my jump! You are incredible! Keep ya head up, you can do it!! things WILL get better!! Jewlz

[laurel453]

Hi pillfree :)

do hang in with your hopes that things will get better, as you know i don't have experience with meth but a good friend was on meth for 30 years and he told me he spent the first month in a fetal position, he is feeling much much better, he is more than 90 days clean of every substance and even though his energy and sleep is still to get better, he is a free man! :)

keep working on your recovery as you have been doing, you are doing great even if at times, you can't believe it...things will getter better !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my best wishes to you, friend!

[pillfree21]

Man, Day 18 and I feel stuck in the mud, not as bad as I once was, but definitely not as good as i would like to be...all in the process.  The only thing that I derive immediate joy out of us is not having to go to the clinic or go in my wallet for $14 a day.  This is an absolutely incredibly tough journey, it feels as though this methadone has engrained itself in my very essence and it is being slowly, methodically, and very painfully, I might add, being torn from my body.  I find difficult at times to believe that things can get better, there is a fear that this is my fate.  My daily prayer is for strength, patience, and faith.

[pillfree21]

Thanks Laurel and Gnarly,  I am just working so hard at this, but I must remind myself that this is a process.  Interesting thought, I was talking to my wife (Science Teacher) and she said that 90 days is the length of time it takes the entire body to regenerate on a celluar level, meaning we actually grow new bodies every 90 days without knowing it.

The worst symptom at this point is the bland, metallic taste in my mouth that has all but rendered my tastebuds ineffective in addition to an incredible stream of postnasal drip that has me coughing and gagginig throughout the day.

By the way Gnarly, I got a bucket of the whey protein, not bad at all....my stomach was getting upset with all the vitamins and pill supplements, so I decided to ride with the shake for a few days to give my digestive system some heal time.

[gnarly_1]

hey dude I just wanted to take a minute and encourage you ...methadone is a real moster to break free from and your doing good...the stuff is very cyclic you just start to feel better then BAM your back down with it again...just know with time it dose get better but it seams so slow when your going threw it....I have been following your story and what your feeling is pritty typical of methadone post withdrawals you will get better gradually 30 days will come around and you will feel better then you do now at 60 again better but 90 days seams to be the mark that most people start to see real progress with stuff like sleep and the energy crash
anxiety goes away and you finely feel like it is going to end...just be pacent and learn to accept where you are the amino acids help out I drink whey protein shakes they have amino acids in them as well as vitamins and protein all ove with the brain needs to heal you can hook up with it cheep at walmart its 15 buck for a 2lb can...try them they help a lot...its not a quick fix but rather a gradual one that over time really helps out...try not to get discouraged you will make it threw this good luck and God bless....Gnarly    

[laurel453]

and enjoy it !!

it is really completely normal feeling in limbo... feeling angry, everything you are going through. A lot of emotions are released after detoxing and at the same time, we need time to repair our body, our brain, our spirit, our soul....because we are not strong enough, we need time and be patience with our recovery too. i would only ask you not to put any expectations on how you are going to feel or how is going to be your recovery. You are doing great but you will see that sometimes you go two steps forwards and one backwards, don't be hard to yourself now when you think about your addiction, about the damage done, about how you should be with your family, you are trying your best while at the same time fighting a really hard battle with addiction so be kind to you, ok? :)

[pillfree21]

Not sure if it is my mind (and body) playing tricks on me or if I just came down to fast and everything is catching up with me or what....but it seems like a stuck in limbo, the WDs are not as terrible, but they are still very present and uncomfortable.  It is just incredible how much of a hold this thing can have on a person.  I tend to get angry at times and would like to bang against the system that is doing these to people (although we did a lot of it to ourselves).  I would not wish this type of grief on my worst enemy, even though I do not have any.  Just venting I guess to get through a tough moment at the office.

In an hour, I am headed home to the comforts of a hot tub...in the dark with a candle lit.