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At least you will be free of the never ending leash that is the methadone program. The more I learn the more I realize that the methadone program (not the drug itself) is a huge, dehumanzing scam. The system is set up to encourage failure and relaps. It is a system of never ending probation that not even the worst criminal, murderers and even child molesters are subject. No one is more heavily "monitored" than the methadone patient. Not to mention the never ending "councelling" you are required to under go by mindless 12 step robots. Regardless of individual wants or needs. I could go on and on about these self serving bureaucratic assholes. Just thinking about it pisses me off. No one is more in need of a patient advococy board than the recoving addict.
Bodymechanic
As a fellow "buprenorphiner", I have yet to hear of it anywhere besides California. I do know that Suboxone is readily available, but haven't heard of Subutex yet. Can you direct me to get more info?
I am also detoxing from meth, was on 65mg for 15 years. Down to 5 millagrams. If you want to exchange any ideas or support on our detoxes you can email me at ***@****
Sharon
Sharon
I have been reading your posts for a while now.
You will make it. You have the right attitude. Just continue to keep positive and look forward to life after the dragon. Start getting a plan in place now though to take up the time spent on getting your meds and stuff before.
I can't stress that enough. When you are totally off it, you really need to change you whole life. Since the time while you were on it, it changed YOU. YOU need to change back now.
As you know it is a long and arduous. Although, if you have a plan in place to take up that spare time, something to take away from the time of the cravings, you will make it.
You have just got to want to do it more than you want to go back to it. It has to come from within. And from within you will heal.
Time is the tale of all truths...you will make it...
Chezz
I wish you all the best
YOU CAN DO IT! If I did it ANYONE CAN!!!
LOVE AND PEACE TO YOU ALLxxx
Chezz: Since I was only going in once a week for 5 minutes there isn't much to change as far as that goes. Over the past 15 years my life-style, employment, friends and activities have changed dramatically. I have a great office job, bought a house and got engaged. So I have plenty to keep me occupied. Most of all right now the change in me is that I am more motivated to get off. I want it pretty badly. And that is helping me get through this. Thanks again.
Bride of chucky: It is good to hear a success story from rapid detox. I am happy to hear that you are doing well with it. I hear that it is expensive!! and risky. I think I would have been afraid to try it. I hope that all stays well with your recovery.
Sharon
that was 6 yrs ago....now i'm addicted to Oxys
think about a plan for dealing with WHY you b=were on drugs in the first place.
That was my downfall=no plan.
All the best, Robyn
I am on day two of my withdrawls from Darvocet. It is absolutely horrible. I've been taking pain killers with opiates for years, usually to take concurrently with the med's I am given for my Rheumatoid Arthritis. What is most puzzling to me, is that after surgery a few years ago I was taking liquid morphine for about 3 months, and suffered nothing akin to the withdrawls I am having now from Darvocet! Anyone else familiar with this dichotomy? Thanks, suffering in NC, tess.
If anyone wants to e-mail me my address is
brideofchucky@***@****
***@****
If anyone wants to e-mail me my address is
brideofchucky@***@****
Everyone responds differently when at certain levels coming off Methadone. For me, I made the mistake of comparing my intake level for years versus just 3mg then 2mgs. The way I figured it is that the way I felt on as little as 2mgs was not too bad, I had it made. While there was fatigue, weakness and aches, it was really no big deal. About 24 hours after my last dose of Methadone is when full on detox hit me. Its tough, but VERY doable.
One thing I know of that will get you through the rough spots, ease the detox feelings, lift your spirits and provide you the strength to carry on your fight is right here. There are so many people in here that lift each other up and carry them over the rough spots. It is nothing short of miraculous. The only way to really understand the power that is available to you here is to be the recipient of this free gift.
After over 16 years of Methadone bondage, today is 120 days.
When I received help here, I felt that I needed to give back. Help if I can. In this light, I offer the three most important things that helped me.
1. You've already found this place. Keep coming back.
2. There is hope and it lives in you.
3. A promise. The other side of addiction is well worth the journey. Start walking.
All the best to you. I wish you hope, happiness and a new found joy in life.
Methman
You always have something worthwhile to say. Many times I have thought of you and your story,and I have always thought if you could do it so can I. It has been a long time for you and I am so very proud of you, it does bring me hope that things will get better. The only thing that worries me right now is your sentence that said when you got to nothing the full detox hit you! I remember you saying that to me in another thread awhile back and it scares me to think that maybe I will not be able to handle it!!
Sharon
Sharon
I guess what I'm getting to (SO SORRY this is SO LONG), is that I want to taper completely and get off of this ****. But I'm scared to death. I know how sick I will be. I've heard horror stories that it takes 6 months to detox completely. And it's another year before you feel like you did before you started this vicious cycle................... Last week I did EXTENIVE research on going under anesthesia to detox. I've heard that is very dangerous. I called the clinic. The people there were so nice. A nurse told me basically everything about the procedure. She told me the the Dr. would even call me if I wanted to speak with him about it. Problem is, I don't have $6,500. Who does? Obviously some people. I would almost give me soul to get it done and be off of this ****. I am so scared and depressed right now. All I can think about is that I want my life back. Since last year I haven't shot up once, I quit drinking, smoking pot and taking painkillers. But this one thing is worse than all of those put together. I just don't know what to do. I wish there was a way I could detox at home and it wouldn't take so long. I am so lost............
Can anyone out there help me before it's too late?
Kat
First I want to say that you came to the right place for help, there are many out there who will be more than willing to help you in any way that they can. This is a great forum with wonderful people. One thing you have in your favor is that you were not on the meth for a long period of time. I was on for more than 15 years so it will take longer for it to get out of my system. If you come down slow you should be ok. I came down 5 millagrams at a time until I got to 30 millagrams then I went 1 millagram every other week. you need to go slower when you get down to the lower doses. I am now at 4 millagrams and not doing too bad. If you want to talk more about it you can email me.
Sharon
Any way that takes me to my daughter that was in the wreck, several years went by and she basically done what she wanted to.
Then she got involved with a guy she fell for and a few months into their relationship found out she was pregnant and she had been taking loritab 7.5 or 10 what ever they come across. Quite a few maybe 10 to 15 a day. When I finally found out, the histerical mother, i went crazy.... she told me that someone had referred her to the methadone clinic, so we went and talked to them and they made it all sound well and good. They made it sound like if she didn't do this the dfacs office would take her baby away. So she started going to the clinic and trying to work everyday to and being pregnant and sick was really tough. The bad part was that this was to be temporary and after the baby was born she would be weaned off. NOTTTTT....instead they had her by a ball and chain. All to say, she started at 30 mg a day and was so sleepy she had to sleep before she left work most everyday. That did not matter to the clinic. They moved her on up to 45 and then 60 and then 80 and by the time she had my beautiful grandbaby she was on 100. So go figure.....and that is the only good thing I have to say about meth. My grandbaby Cali was born with no withdrawals and very healthy. A little underweight. but BEAUTIFUL. My daughter went to Florida Detox(rapid detox under anesthesia) and the doctor there said that was the hardest detox he had ever performed. They are wonderful and yes very expensive but worth it.
Now my other daughter is still a member of the poison clinic and I don't think she is ready to come off just yet but one day it will happen. I really think it is killing her and I am trying my best to figure a way to get her to a detox facility. She is on 110 mg a day and they got her on klonipin and geopan. she walks around like a zomby and throws up every day, with no energy, she does not work, so i have to help her all I can. I want her off asap.... but i am scared she will go back to taking pills, anything she can get her hands on. I have got to get them allll into a counseling program. none of them have insurance so , we have to do the best we can.
As for the girl that is pregnant, if you go to the clinic and start on methadone, it will help, but make it clear that you want to wean off as soon as you have your baby....
As for my boys that is another story i will tell later...
God Bless each and everyone of you out there that is taking any kind of drug. I would say that most addicts have pain and hurt to cover up and believe me i understand.
write me if you want ..e-mail ***@****
Kat
sharon
Now- before anyone runs out thinking this is the cool way to go, please read the rest of this before you gas up the ole family truckster...
I am a working, traveling drummer that after a couple of breaks in my right hand and having the med.s from that, plus, just likeing things that made me feel "happy",I became a 30 a day 10 mg.perc and vic user. After going to one detox facility and relapsing a week later, my doctor there almost freaken killed me with oxycotten (something i'd never tried till then)(he cut me off before i was finished with my "long taper program!)I went back into detox (a much cheaper one that made you feel right at home, if you lived in jail) they recomended methadone maitenence. I should have listened to the addicts! They said "don't go there".If you took the help out of that place and just left us addicts to talk, much more would have been done! Anyway, because of my travel, i couldn't go into a place every day, not to mention that just sounds like a bad scam/or as i've heard it mentioned here, the ball and chain..Like most other doctors office, they had heard of the classic rock group i was with then and were more than willing to "help".(you don't need to be in a band)I was completely honest with my doctor about my past and i told him i thought a low dose of methadone every day would help me be able to maintain and work. This freaken guy put me on 100mg.slow release morphine capsules!They were called something else amd i had no idea it was morphine till i read the pharmicy notes. They made me sick as hell and i just couldn't take them. (guess my tolorance was down at the time from the detox)anyway, the doctor then put me on methadone and he convinsed me that i needed to take a certion amount every 6 hours. i questioned this but, hes the doctor..I was sick with them as well as i was taking 4 to 6 every 6 hours. After a month, i was so hooked and sick all the time. Now if your job is to fly into the weekends shows, do what you love to do in front of thousands of people for 90 minutes, then fly back home and your to damn sick to do that, there's a big problem!! I quit the band and put all my energy into "getting better". Well, in 6 months, this guy prescribed me 3,800 10 mg. tabs! On my last visit (the 6th month)i told the doctor that i was in hell and wanted to cut way down and thought i could deal with a much less dose. I should have been tapering myself the whole time but, i guess by that time i was so hooked.
Don't know about you all, but, i was like a walking swimming pool with the sweat and was throwing up 4 to 6 times a day, just looked and felt like walking death.. This doctor had given his notice BEFORE my last visit, just didn't tell me. I called to schedule my next visit and was told the doctor was gone and the new one would not see me..oh yea, and to not call back! I was in Austin, TX looking for studio work at the time. (they would mail me a script one month and the next i would fly or drive back to FL to get that one. I decided that with my bad experiences with these people, that no matter how bad the pain, i would go it alone.(not such a good idea with that much in your system) For 5 months i was taking 250+ mgs per day,on the 6th month i was only taking 120 (give or take)per day. of course i was sicker on the 6th month. When i was cut c/t, the pain was pretty bad, but after the 3rd day i really thought i had licked it.With other opiates that i'd been on, 72 hours and the aches and pains went down pretty well. BUT! this is a whole other beast! Sometime during the afternoon of the third day, i started feeling very different. Turns out, i wasn't over the withdrawls, they just hadn't started yet!!I had no sleep for 16 straight days and couldn't stand to sit, lay, walk around, nothing. I was talking to God a whole lot!! The only thing that gave me any relief was sitting in a tub for as long as possible. I started going through "rages" and "surges". Couldn't go out of my studio apartment because i was just plain mad as hell! then my blood would turn from hot to freezing. My Mom was scared to death as she was in Florida and i couldn't hide the pain on the phone. It was as if the only thing i could do was stand and hop in a circle then get in the tub, then lift weights and box my punching bag. I scared myself because i had turned into a negitive thinking monster that was filled with pain and rage. i always read as much as possible on the internet and in books(although it was very hard to focus) hopeing to find some relief. I'm slowly trying to finish a book from an addicts point of view (i can't spell for **** but hope i can get help in that area)It got so bad in Austin that my mom came out and got me!I'm 37 for heavens sake. Guess at the end of the day, with drug dependancy and withdrawls, etc. doesn't matter the age, money status or what color skin you have. It will put you down fast and keep its thumb on you. Wish i had a happy ending to this..8 months later i still felt so bad and drained of spirit. The rages were gone but still can't sleep normal or even close and my body is just like a limp dishrag. Mentally, i've stepped out of the building. I am very thankfull that i was not on methadone for a longer period of time. That drug is so great if used properly. If you do go to a chronic pain doc, be wise, think ahead and stockpile your methadone. They don't have to know a damn thing about it.
I've been offered a great gig in L.A. but now i've got to beat another addiction...I became so desperate to feel "normal" that i started taking hydrocodone again and the guilt is incredible.
Do what ever works for you as long as it doesn't hurt others. I havn't found what works for me yet. I have not given up though.
Be strong.
Kevin
3 mg. next week. I have heard from some people that it is when you get to zero mg. that the full withdrawals set in!! If I have any problems with it I have decided to get through that period with a month or so of buphenorphine. That will help I have heard. Good luck with your book Kevin.
Sharon
Sharon
-Sandus-
What mg. dose where you at when you went cold turkey from the Methadone? Did you try and taper some?
Thanks, BD
-Sandus-
Like everyone else here an opiate (herion for me) addicition led me to methadone treatment many years ago. For the past 12 years I have been herion free. My life as an adult is full, I am very successful in my job, my children are growing up to be well adjusted adults (despite the challenges our family faced with two addicted parents), my marraige is still intact (24 years- he has been detoxing as well and asserts he is fine)- not too many people know that I am a Methadone Maintenance patient and have been for 12 years.
In September some law somewhere must have changed(does anyone know?), because I began hearing that Methadone clinics in my area would begin testing for pot. Until the testing was initiated in February I was a model patient, or at least considered so. I have used pot to relax and help me sleep, while enduring a slow detox (5mg a month, starting at 55 mg last year)- let me interject here that although I had signed a detox form in May of 2002 to have my dose reduced my clinic they had only reduced my dose 10mg over the past 12 months! (bastards really do want to keep you hooked, no doubt about it!)So I began detoxing myself (easier once dosage changed for liquid to pills).
I have been holding for the past 3 weeks at 10 mg and two days ago began taking only 5.
I have not been discharged or kicked out of my clinic- it was amusing to find out that 90% of the long term successful clients tested positive for THC when the first set of results rolled in a month ago! I have the option of returning to the clinic next Friday to pay my $110 and get another weeks fix, but I think that last Friday was it. I think I am done, I am tired of being treated like a criminal (although technically my pot use qualifies me as one), I am tired of urinating in front of strangers in bottles and I am very tired to talking to counselors who have no souls!
The worst part of this detox process is that I feel as though I an unable to experience joy anymore- I noticed that feeling at 10mg and now it is even more pronounced. The physical symptoms for me are archy legs, feeling anxious (reading everyone's posts actually made me accutely aware of my symptoms)and early waking (a Bendril before bed helps me to sleep). They are not quite as bad as I had anticipated, but I fear the last 5 mg drop a lot.
I wonder if anyone can tell me if depression is a symptom of withdrawl or an indicator of why I began sticking needles in my arms so many years ago?
Can any of the professionals out there suggest a way of finding psychiatric support from a doctor specializing in addiction? Over the years I have developed a deep seated mistrust for doctors of any type, as most addicts do. After watching the doctors physically tense up, close off their minds and hearts at the moment I confide what my history really is- I have given up any hope of having a regular doc for check ups and the like. But wonder if psychiatric treatment is something to consider.
To everyone else- especially you Sharon=- thanks so much for sharing your hopes and experiences via this forum. It is good to know I am not the only one suffering through the withdrawl of this "miracle treatment" that I was sold so many years (and trips to the clinic). I will continue to post as my future unfolds. If there are any couples out there that have done this together I'd love to hear about your oddessy.
Peace to all
Your story sounds so familiar, very much like my own. But you sound like you have the motivation to see this through. I wish and hope that all goes smoothly for you, you know as well as I do that it is a long, difficult and painful struggle, but the road to recovery is not that far away!!!
Anjl:
Take a long, hot & relaxing bath. (hot tub if you have one) Always helps me when I feel that way. For some reason, some days are worse than others. Many things in our bodies can trigger these symptoms, hormones,lack of sleep, vitamins, water, stress, I could go on & on... It will get better.
Sharon
Does anyone know how long it takes for the meth to stabilize after a dose is adjusted? I read one of the docs comments that said there is little physiological benifit to a dose of 5 mg of under. My body seems to be confirming that.
Well I made my choice and will stick to it, no matter how long it takes.
How's it going with you Sharon?
Has anyone out there tried Valerian and/or Skullcap to help with the withdrawl symptoms? The Tylenol PM helps me get to sleep but it would be so nice to not be up with the dawn everyday! I remember reading there was an Asian doctor several years back doing work on a natural elixir that would help with opiate withdrawls- anyone out there familiar with that guy (I can't remember his name)?
I decided to maintain @ 7 for 5 days and then try to drop to 5 again. The early waking thing was really starting to get to me, to say nothing of the chills/hot flashes, achy legs and feeling I like I could jump out of my skin.
Today was the last day that I could return to my clinic and be medicated. Today is the the third day I missed and I will be discharged (even though I only went in once a week). It is a strange new world out here!
The depression seems to be lifting a bit- I feel somewhat empowered by finally making a choice that everyday for 12 years, I could not. I feel like this is truly an expression of who I wish to be and it seems like the right choice. We'll see how I feel in a couple of weeks when the stash starts running dry!
No one would seriously suggest that people return to heroin for their own good.
Thomas
After all of the success of staying off of this street drug thru the MMT program why would someone want to go back to what ruined their life in the first place!!! IMO very bad advise, I would never suggest that to anyone as an alternative.!! Prescription pills, bup., meth, meds like that at least you know what you are putting into your body, with street heroin you never know!!!! You could be shooting or snorting arsenic etc. for all you know. There are a lot safer ways to detox. And Maintenance has saved so many lives, some may have to stay on indefinitely for various reasons and some may be able to successfully taper (slowly) and go back to their lives. I wish everyone success in whichever way they choose.
Sharon
I've was out there shooting whatever I could find- have the holes in my skin when someone was cutting the dope with meat tenderizer (good dope, bad sores). But that was 12 years ago and I had no choice but to get on meth if I wanted to survive and take care of my family.
This meth detox for me is a choice- and that in itself makes the suffering bearable. I think that as we change as human beings we learn to make different choices. For the first time in 12 years, I chose not to go to the clinic. It feels good (even though I feel like ****).
How's it going Sharon?
Things are not too bad so far. In 2 more days I will go to my last dose of 2 millagrams!!! I will probably stay on that for a couple of weeks and then I will be off!!! I am going to Florida the first week of May to close up our condo for the summer so I am hoping I will be off and that I will not be feeling too badly.
At least I will have the warm sun and pool etc. to try and ease some of the discomfort. Wish me luck... How are things going with you? I hope that you are doing well, remember anytime you want to talk or share ideas, I'll be there for ya...
Sharon
Thanx I need all the help and prayers I can get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sharon
Sharon
Sincerely,
Steve