Morphine Addiction

[Skorchee]

I am a 47yr old female with chronic pain.  My Dr. prescribes Morphine for me for pain. However, I know I am addicted to it and, even though I have gone down some on my dosage by tapering, I am still taking 360MG per day and, can't seem to get it any lower.  I am feeling  a great deal of remorse over this and frustration cause I don't want to take it anymore but, now I have to or, I go into withdrawal.  Should I try to find an addiction specialist in my area?  If so, how do I start?  I am close to a Henry Ford Facility.  Because I have already experienced withdrawal to a degree, I am petrified of it.  What should I do?  Thank you in advance.
Skorchee

[barbara to pain and lortab]

You may want to try the in-patient detox since they can make your withdrawal much more bearable maybe even relatively pain free.

If you have a true pain disorder you should not feel guilty about taking addictive drugs that are properly prescribed and dispensed. If you abuse the drug, then that is a different story.

It is best to get professional detox rather than try yourself. It would be quite difficult if not impossible to do it on your own and you would only go through tremendous suffering as you already mentioned over and over. I think you sort of answered your own question.

Good Luck.

[from me to Skorchee]

Ummm...don't tell anyone that you're an addict unless you're willing to risk being cut off from your pain meds. Seek independent help for this. You're doc will freak and you will be in no meds, withdrawal land with no hope of solace before you know it. Look all around the peripheral of this before you go directly to your doc or to anyone who might notify him. Just a word from someone who's been there.

[cindi]

Skorchee,  You really want to come off the Morphine?  Then you really have to make the commitment to either wean off of contact the treatment center.  Start by calliing them,  They can give you meds to help you through the withdrawal,It really is not in your best interest to detox alone cold turkey.  This can get dangerous.  Pick up the phone and call. if yu need to tall you can e-mail me  ***@****     take care   cindi

[cindi]

To Skorchee,  I don't know if the laws are different in other states but the treatment center I was in Never contacted my own personal physician due to confidentiality laws which are pretty strict.  I have taken alot of courses on this while in nursing school.   But again, various states may be different    cindi

[tom]

Hey Skorchee,
    I am not sure what to tell you except that you are not alone. I had a undiagnosed disc space infection following a back operation which did a great deal of damage to my spine and a couple vertabrae a couple of years ago. I had to have my vertabrae fused and rods and screws installed to realign/stabilize my spine (13hour operation and I was in ICU for 3 days). I am still in a great deal of pain and am treated by a pain clinic that performs epidurals and perscribes my morphine. I currently take about 250mg per day and I still suffer in pain but I am afraid to increase the amount because I already feel some of this addiction and it SCARES me. For example if I have a good day with my back and do not take my meds I start by yawning uncontrolably, then I begin feeling exhausted and do not have any inspiration to do anything. All I want to do is leave work go home and lay in bed and do nothing. Then I start feeling unproductive, useless, and depressed. Finally if I take a couple of pills I start feeling fine. I do not like the feeling of being controlled like this.

    I am sorry to go on about myself but maybee it can help you relate to someone else who is scared and does not know what to  do. Are there any non addictive pain meds?? I do not get high or a buzz off this stuff but it is very efffective on the nerve pain that generates out of my hip and shoots down my leg.

   Best of luck to you. I would recommend keeping in touch with this sight because there are alot of caring insightful people here that give out a lot of good advice ....Tom

[cindi]

Hi Skorchee,  I agree with tom,  It does get really scary for us especially when we are in pain which is legit pain.  I am also a chronic pain person and i have a hard time with pain meds besides no one will prescribe them for me but someone suggested I go on Methadone for the pain?  I don't know if this is a good idea or even an option for you...Anyone out there have any input re: methadone for chronic pain?     cindi

[Brighty to Skorchee]

Chronic pain medication creates involuntary addicts. This is nothing to be ashamed of... it goes with the territory. I've learned alot here and I think you should read this board carefully. There is much success with buprenorphine to detox very comfortably... you need to see an addiction specialist and learn if he/she can provide this for you... or if they think you need to go away to detox. I also think you need to learn from your doctor if you are going to always have chronic pain from your condition... if this is the case you seriously need to consider if you are going to detox and then be back in the same situation with another addictive medicine... even lower doses of other meds create dependence...so this is why you need to discuss with your doctor AND the addiction specialist... to know what your long term options are. I agree that you should not tell your doctor about your dependence or you may have your meds cut off prematurely. Something in your tone suggests that you do not seem to have addictive behaviors... this bodes very well for you to be successful.... unless of course you will be dealing with lots of pain regularly. God bless you and good luck.

[Brighty to Cindi]

I think Dan should reply to your question... for what it's worth I do know of a case personally... my husband's Aunt Dottie who was a school nurse for years, developed a severe neuropathy in her feet and ankles... the only way she could walk was to be on pain meds... this really messed her up, she was so addicted and began to have all the problems that involuntary addicts have... her once structured life became a nightmare. We saw her in October... she is nearly 80... and she looked great... she had not been to family things for a number of years... my husband was clueless and asked her what medicine she was on... she said her family was upset and embarassed  and whispered that she was on methadone... but she had her life back... so there you go... it's a rather homespun story but seems like she finally was helped. I was so glad for her. He did not ask her if she went to a clinic but I have this idea that she gets it from her doctor... I mean, I just can't see Aunt Dottie going to a methadone clinic... but maybe she does. God bless you and good luck.

[Tara]

I know this is for comments only but I am looking to ask Tom or someone else who has gone through percoset withdrawal a few questions about withdrawal symptoms.  I am 22 years old and trying to wean myself off of percoset and I have no one that can help me.  I had surgery 2 years ago for colon cancer and then was diagnosed with severe acid reflux and stomach spasms and the 3 doctors I have seen don't seem to care how much percoset they prescribe me.  I have looked everywhere for more detail on depression during withdrawal, I dont even know if this is a symptom of withdrawal, but I am experiencing severe depression/paranoia along with shaking, chills, and insomnia.  Can somebody please give me some more info. on this subject.

[tom to Skorchee]

I get angry every time I hear from someone like you who is in chronic pain, apparently being treated with an appropriate pain killer in appropriate amounts, simply experiences the physical dependence that is a side-effect of most strong pain killers, and, like most of us, is programmed to feel dirty and ashamed, almost to the point of not accepting what is probably the most sensible treatment available to you.

How long are we going to go on turning out ill-trained doctors that don't know enough to council their own patients?

I buried my 10-year old nephew last year, after watching him suffer with cancer for three years. If it hadn't been for the great doctor he had, who gave my sister whatever amounts of morphine he needed whenever he needed it, his last year of life would have been one of unspeakable agony.

Thank GOD for morphine. It is a wonder drug, Skorchee, for people with intractable pain. It is shameful that we are all so brainwashed into thinking it is something evil.

About alternatives: I agree that "Doc Dan" an addiction councilor who participates on this site, should answer you on this question. From everything I have been able to learn, methadone is quite probably the best orally administered chronic pain drug there is.

At least some of us are learning: we've learned that minute amounts of drugs like morphine, administered by new kinds of implantible devices called "morphine pumps" can keep people virtually pain free with very little sedation as a side effect.

I say, consult a pain specialist, if this guy you're seeing isn't one, rather than an addiction specialist, FIRST. If you take morphine for the right reasons, what have you got to be ashamed of? That not being an addict; you're just experiencing the inevitable side effects of this class of drug.

Whatever you do, don't let you're programming result in you denying yourself enough morphine to relieve your pain, yet keep taking too-small doses that will leave you in pain AND leave you dependant. You lose every which way you can if you do that!

Ask the pain specialist about methadone and the new one, buprenorphine, like Brighty, I believe, mentioned. It is a powerful pain killer with very little of the side effects associated with morphine.

Whatever you do, don't suffer in silence and guilt as the puritan lumps who unfortunately now run the country (GW Bush and fellow idiots) would be perfectly happy to let you do.

Narcotics used properly are truly wondrous, as I learned when I had to watch my nephew die of neuroblastoma cancer and yet leave this world in enough comfort from morphine to make his last days meaningful rather than horrible. Good luck. NO SHAME.

tom

[Frankinscense]

I would like to comment on methadone and the many advantages that it offers as a medicine for chronic pain and addiction problems. I typed a very long and informative post a short while ago but I lost it due to my inadequacies as a computer operator and my choice of internet providers. (I lost my connection) I will post @ another time. Hopefully tomorrow AM. Skorchee there is tons of scientific information on the world wide web. General reliable info can be obtained by going to N.A.M.A (methadone advocacy group) Lindesmith center, There are so many websites that is available  through a general search that you could occupy you entire day reading all the info that is availabe. Read scientific and medical information because there is so much myths and untruths that is printed in regards to methadone. Methadone is available through FDA approved pain specialists. Good Luck and best Wishes!~
"doc" Dan...

[cindi]

To Tom from cindi
I agree with you 100 percent about the wonders of narcotics.  My mom was terminal a few months ago and I had a hell of a time getting them to increase her pain meds.  I had to throw around the terms neglect and abuse before they would even look at her.  They were afraid she would become "numb" or addicted.  My mom passed away on Christmas morning and I thank God her Lung Specialist was the only doc with any B---s to treat her with narcotics or whe would have died in massive pain.  After my c-section my belly opened up and i became so massively infected i was barely hanging on.  Do ya think anyone would give me anything stronger than Vicodin with 30 pills  no refills?   regular strength.  Took me 4 months to recover     hmmmmm.  cindi

[Skorchee]

To Everyone: thank you for all your responses.  You will be surprised to know that my Dr. does know I am trying to get off of them.  He has given me advice on how to taper.  He would never take them from me and cause withdrawal.  I can't stand the feeling of being controlled by them.  Yes, they help with my pain but, I am down right depressed and lethargic without them also.  It is very confusing.  I started taking Prozac hoping it would help the depression but, I don't see a difference.  I don't know whee to call to find a professional place to detox.  I know of hospitals that throw you in a psych bed and make ya go to group therapy but, I don't know any real detox places around here. What I want is to be detoxed RIGHT.  I am afraid that if I go to a hospital they will throw me in a bed and say, good luck.

Skorchee

[Marryanne]

Tom, I am so sorry to hear about your nephew.  Take care, my friend, Maryanne

[tom to Maryanne]

Thank you for your kind words.

please take a look at the to thread from Frank at top. He wants to detox with bup but can't go openly to a detox center. He might enjoy talking with you.

[Gina]

I have been attending a methadone clinic for 2 weeks now. I was taking way too many pain pills (up to 40) in a single day. I am thrilled with the results so far. The down side: I must drive about 45 minutes on a daily basis and it is costing $70.00 a week. I also worry about coming off of the medication, even though they will taper slowly when the time comes, I read that you will still experience withdrawl going from 5mgs to zero mgs. I guess I will find out when the time comes. The advantages: I feel great. By this I mean normal not buzzed. I am fuctioning well and am motivated to do everything from work to chores to going out. The clinic I attend is in an exclusive area. It is called Point Commons and is surrounded by many other drs. offices so you don't feel ashamed when you drive in. There was a clinic closer to my home, but I wouldn't be caught dead in that area. As far as giong to a clinic for pain treatment, it would be interesting to find out if you could. We are required to attend 3 NA and/or AA meetings a week . We must also see our counselor once every 2 weeks and 1 inhouse meeting every week. This is so we build our foundation for when it's time to come off of it. The counselor states,"Don't make the methadone the only reason your coming here, it's only part of the treatment."

[mandy n]

Tom - ive just read your letter - i felt i had to write to you - you sound just like me. Ive had 4 operations on the spine - 3 laminectomies, 1 discectomy and a spinal fusion last july - front and back. I was in alot of pain and was in itu.  I had an epidural and was on morphine for ages - months before the op. I was even taking up to 700mg - i was that addicted.  After the op the doctors gave me morphine intravenous  - once they stopped that they thought id be fine. No way - i had cold turkey so bad - i cried my eyes out and insisted they call the doctor out in the middle of the night - i felt like i was dying!  He gave me a shot and i slept. Next day they decided to put me back on the mst and lower it bit by bit. Trouble is - they did it so fast - i went home after 10 days and once home i upped it again - i just didnt feel ready to quit.  Ive now got no pain - the op worked great and im going back to work soon.  Ive lost the feeling in the belly completly - and i may get the odd ache in the evenings but its fine. I decided i needed to come off the mst - the doctors wanted it cut down , but again too fast. I ran out of tablets and my friend helped by giving me some tramadol -( ive had this before and it helped alot).  Its similar to morphine but weaker) . I was able to take this with no withdrawel from the mst -the doctors couldnt believe it. No more mst at all.  But - yep youve guessed - im now addicted to the tramadol! Im taking too much - far too much.  But - its much easier to come off as the doses are easier to control tan the mst. Im cutting down each week now and doing well.
You sound like you suffer from depression - i did to. Its hard not to - pain all day and feeling awful.  Coming off the morphine will make you feel more depressed - you need to do it in your OWN time - you cut one down when youre ready to do it - only you know when.  
Hows the back now? Hope its better - its such a big op to go through for no relief - is there more ops needed then?
Take care - Mandy x

[tom to Mandy]

It was such a pleasure to hear from you. I'm soooo glad to hear and realize I'm not alone and more importantly that your operation was a success and your pain free. Cold Turkey,... that must have been a nightmare!!! I'm glad your able to taper down with the Tramadol (I am not sure what that is but I will look it up). I wish you well with coming down off the Tramadol as well. I can not believe just 2 years ago I never even took an asprin for a headache or sinus tablet for congestion. Now, I am dealing with an addiction to morphine. I hope you can continue with your progress on tapering off the Tramadol.

I do not know at this time what surgeries are planned except I still have a great deal of nerve pain generating out of my right hip and still have a great deal of numbness in my left leg which radiates from my hip down to my knee EVERY night and wakes me up. It is very frustrating. I am rambling but I want to thank you for your kind note, wish you well with tapering off this stuff and if you want to talk please feel free to write me @ ***@****. I wish and pray for your continued recovery.

Tom...

[spook]

First off,DO NOT PANICK>you say you want to get off it but you cannot,you are on 360mg.
Stay on this dose until you are stable(no Withdrawal symptoms),this will take 10 days at most,if you are not ready or feeling symptoms or pain after 10 days on this same dose then something else is wrong,rule out any physical problems.
Now ask yourself is this psychological?is it effecting your mood?Remember you want out!,your not seeking euphoria are you?
Ok sorted, now just slowly reduce your dose, SLOWLY,hold it if your feeling sick,and remember how lucky you are because you want to get off it and have your emotions back,your not afraid of returning to your good old self,or are you?.
With a slow taper their will be practically no Physical discomfort and if you were a happy person pre-Morphine then only mild depression will occur.If you had any emotional problems before taking the Morphine,they will be amplified when you reduce,you can learn a lot about yourself as you get off it.
Or you can be honest and admit that something is holding you back.I think you will be alright and can slowly taper off on your own,but if you are caught up in the Morphine High you WILL be in for a long rough ride,Please do not blame the Drug,remember what you are going back to,yourself.Addiction is different to psychological and physical dependence,you are not addicted.Addicted people are totally preocupied by the drug they crave the euphoria and only want to stop because they are not getting high anymore.Anyway think about it all and if you need help,seek it.And do not forget to help yourself.  

[spook]

First off,DO NOT PANICK>you say you want to get off it but you cannot,you are on 360mg.
Stay on this dose until you are stable(no Withdrawal symptoms),this will take 10 days at most,if you are not ready or feeling symptoms or pain after 10 days on this same dose then something else is wrong,rule out any physical problems.
Now ask yourself is this psychological?is it effecting your mood?Remember you want out!,your not seeking euphoria are you?
Ok sorted, now just slowly reduce your dose, SLOWLY,hold it if your feeling sick,and remember how lucky you are because you want to get off it and have your emotions back,your not afraid of returning to your good old self,or are you?.
With a slow taper their will be practically no Physical discomfort and if you were a happy person pre-Morphine then only mild depression will occur.If you had any emotional problems before taking the Morphine,they will be amplified when you reduce,you can learn a lot about yourself as you get off it.
Or you can be honest and admit that something is holding you back.I think you will be alright and can slowly taper off on your own,but if you are caught up in the Morphine High you WILL be in for a long rough ride,Please do not blame the Drug,remember what you are going back to,yourself.Addiction is different to psychological and physical dependence,you are not addicted.Addicted people are totally preocupied by the drug they crave the euphoria and only want to stop because they are not getting high anymore.Anyway think about it all and if you need help,seek it.And do not forget to help yourself

[Sprky754]

Well I dont know where to even begin. Lets start with how: I was in a car accident when I was 20 years old, I am 33 now. The seat belt created scolioses of the spine, which in return has cause me alot of nerve damage and chronic pain. Just this year in May I had neck surgery, I had a plate put in my neck, and now the doctors are telling me to put a morphine pump in my lower back. What the hell is a Morphine pump..lol Anyways I have been taking pills since the accident, started with vicodines, went and graduated from them to Norco, and now Morphine for the last 2 years. Well I have been married for 3 years and I dragged my wife into this world of addiction, and what a mistake! It has cause our marriage so many trials a tribs, I have lost count. I used to be strong as hell when it came to anything, I smoked pot for years and just quit, no problem there, I have even done crack and had no problem there quiting, but these fricking Morphine`s have gotten the best of me. I dont know if its because I am just tired of hurting or if I am just scared to go through the withdraws of getting off these things.
  Well today I am going to tempt it, I am going to try and get off these things. For the last 4 months I have cut myself and my wife back to, Me three a day, Wife 2 a day. I have read alot of peoples stories in this forum and I am more scared then yesterday, when I decided to quit. And after, hopefully when I get off these things, I can help my wife. I mean she is more scared then I am, but I am scared for her. But I have to do this for my kids and my wife, maybe if I succeed she wont be so scared.

Oh well, just ramblin now. Just wanted to hear some feedback, and wish me luck!

[3 1/2 yrs sober]

Hey there!  Try posting a new thread, you will get more responces!  Hang in there and keep in touch with this forum, it can be a great asset!  My husband and I are both recovering addicts, we have both been sober about 3 and 1/2 years!  We both had to go to treatment, actually twice.  But we are both on the other side now and things are just great!  NOTHING like we used to be, but it did take allot of work from both of us!

[Sprky754]

Thank you, I will hang in there. My wife and I are trying a different approach, she is getting off the morphs first so one of us can stay strong for our kids, then I am going to go through it last because my is more of me being scared of being in constant pain. But I am going to do it and hope for the best. I know if I can get off this stuff, then nothing can get me down.

[jojoms]

help - just found out that my new daughter-in-law who has been on Methadone for 5-years, is taking Morphine pills !  alot of them ! what is the deal - I thought the Methadone was supposed to help "stop the cravings for opiates". as you can see, i have no experience with drugs.