beachtowel

[VOsRose]

I read your posts daily.  I wanted you to know that I understand where you're coming from,  even if a lot of people here don't.  It made me sad, your response yesterday, that when you feel you are no longer useful you will fade into the wind...

You will always be useful as long as addicts are seeking help!

I remember back to when I went into detox the second time.  It was sooooo sick.  The nurse came into my room the second day and told me the doctor wanted to see me.  I could barely get up to drag myself down the long hallway to his "office".  I had been throwing up all night, sweating, having chills, diarrhea...you know the drill.  Anyway, I walk in and he looks at me for a minute without saying anything.  Then he asked me if I was feeling bad.  When I told him yes, awful, his response was, "Good!  I hope it hurts.  I hope it hurts bad and gets worse!"

I was horrified and it p***ed me off!  When I thought about it, though, after a few days, I realized what he was doing.  He was talking to the addict...not me as a person.  I came to have the utmost respect for this doctor and continued in therapy with him for a long time after I got out of the hospital.  He never spoke to ME like that...he was a very compassionate and feeling man.  

Anyway...just wanted to say that we need you here, so please don't feel that you're not doing a world of good every day.  

Peace
Rosie

[beachtowel]

thought you might appreciate a little james brown............

[Two222]

yay!

[beachtowel]

I feel good
like I knew that I would now
I feel good
like I knew that I would now
so good
so good
I got you

I feel good
like sugar and spice
I feel good
like sugar and spice
so good
so good
I got you

[Two222]

hmmmm i can't know nearly as much as you....You just can't resist yourself can you? :) It's okay..whatever makes you feel good!

[beachtowel]

You don't need advice.......you know everything

you are the greatest even better than Mohammad Ali

[Two222]

it's dead...but if i post something cause I truly need real advice or support, all i ask is that beachtowel not respond. it will do me no good anyway.

[beachtowel]

The thing I love about N/A is there are many different people who influence me.....that should be the focus here........
insteading of worring about what who said what.........reading numerous posts of different experiences and ideas I think is really good........
At N/A I take a little piece from many different people then mix a little bit of your own and I really start to get it.........

Good point cherokee.........

[cherokee_gal]

Recovery is a very individual thing. And of course Id like to believe that my way is right. But unfortunately that line of thinking keep me very sick for a very long time. My approach is such, i go to meetings, dont drink or use in between, be of service to others (and not just people in AA), i write, i pray (to a Higher Power of my understanding), and no matter what i may think of another person its the message i need to look at and not the messenger. If we close our minds and our hearts to something or someone we just might miss out on something wonderful and something that may one day save our lives. I have explored many different avenues to sobriety and have finally been able to incorporate many of them into staying clean and sober (one day at a time). Instead of making sure that our point is coming across, we can suggest things to each other that have worked for us. We are fighting against the same deadly disease, so its better (i think) if we pull together and help each other instead of tearing each other down which is beneficial to no one (except maybe our egos and pride). And just one last thing that has been pounded into my head, its not how many days we have been sober that is important, its the quality of our sobriety that counts.
Take Care and love one another,
Deb            

[beachtowel]

by the way I was just kidding about you and 222 being related............

[oneway]

Ok beachtowel just because someone backed up my opinion means we are the same person.  So everyone that agree with you is related or the same.  See what I mean its like you find it hard to believe that anyone could think your not doing things perfect.  We both got out of line.  I really don't want to rehash this.  I just wanted to stick up for that lady and it got out of hand. Lets just let it die already.

[beachtowel]

question are oneway and 222 related?

By the way 222 you keep saying I am mad or defensive both of these comments are wrong and untrue........

I tell it like I believe it and like I told oneway your opinions about my posts or how you feel is very
insignificant to my thoughts when I am posting.......

I've been around here for 7 months, you have been here for five minutes........

[beachtowel]

I just wish you would try not disagreeing with my posts so much and instead show me how its done.......you talk alot but you say nothing.........

I would be curious to read some of your posts instead of always just criticizing mine.........

[Two222]

Beachtowel you make it very hard to share experiences because you always have something self-righteous to say in response. No one was ever attacking you. Like oneway say we were just disagreeing with you. We are allowed to do that. i know you aren't use to it, but it's something you need to think about instead of getting defensive. You are not the only one who has experience in addiction, and just because someone is disagreeing with you doesn't mean they are using. As stated above, some people who stop being drug addicts do become obsessed with other things, and you should keep that in mind. Now don't go rambling on after reading this. Just stop...and think.

[oneway]

Honestly I'm not trying to go in circles with you but I just was doing what I thought was right because I just felt like sometimes you were being a bit harsh and that some people would be pushed away by the harshness early in recovery because I think a lot of people when they first come on are very sensitive to being accepted on here.  I only responded to you in the last couple of days because I felt like that lady was scared of you and that she could have been pushed away.  I think it is good that we can challenge each other and come to a mutual understanding that we disagree but still have something to offer each other thats what the world is about.  Not being sarchastic either.

[beachtowel]

If you would take one thing from me,,,,,,,

Don't worry about my posts and to feel like you have to tell me how much you disagree would I would love to see from you here is to express your experience to the post and give your own ideas..
I do what I think is right I would love to hear your words and read your posts I am sure that you have a lot to offer...............

[beachtowel]

Thank you and back at ya

[oneway]

lol Ok man.  Its all good.  I challenged some things you said and didn't agree and I don't agree with you.  Were all going to take on recovery in a different way.  I guess I just don't agree with yours.  I'm glad your life is going great and that your clean it is always good to see that.  I hope you keep it up.  Good luck to you and your struggles and helping others.  For real.  

[beachtowel]

What truly amazes me is that in your own arrogance you think than when I post that I ever give you a second thought..........
your so insignificant to my thoughts but I guess you can't stop following me all over the forum to have your two cents heard.........

[oneway]

Ummm.  This is the last thing I got to say to you.  People who attack you are not in denial.  It does not mean their using again either.  Believe it or not, now I know this is very hard for you to understand but some people actually don't agree with what you say.  Coming from a young person who really has been through the system and the streets not just as an addict but I'm talking real street s**t you my friend would never reach any of the kids in my area or neighborhoods.  I'm assuming that you probably have a limited social life because your on here all the time.  Maybe their is a reason for that.  But anyways that is the last thing I have to say I'm finished.  Honestly I'm happy that your clean and that you think this is meant for you but sometimes your so called tough love on very vulnerable people is not always the best way.  Good luck to you.  I'm serious.

[beachtowel]

Welcome.....

You know I don't get mad here if someone comes at me or offended because addiction is so strong and powerful.........
Addicts in denial will defend there addiction because the addiction is telling them to do so........

Misery loves Misery so the addict when among people trying to recover will lash out to bring them back to the insanity of addiction..........

People who are doing well in recovery and turning there lives around will be under attack by the addict.........it is just the nature of the beast

Glad your here at the forum don't give up trying to stop taking those oxys......I know people who just violated because even before a known drug test snorted a couple of 80's and somehow hoped it wouldn't show up on their drug tests.........

Those 80 mg oxys are a favorite among many of the young kids I speak with today.........

[retiredrn]

I've been reading this site and the other one for the last couple of months while I ct'd off oxy.  You have helped me alot with your honesty.  I can read these posts also and see the addicts who are posting high and the addicts who are in denial, and I like the fact that you're there to help us deal with reality.

[beachtowel]

Hi Rose my comment was that if I ever felt that I was no longer useful here that I would simply fade away into the wind..........
Recently with all the bickering going on I have recieved some of the most inspiring posts that have made me feel great......I was never looking for a pat on the back that was never my intention........
For me to be where I am today is against all the percentages I am suppose to be dead and buried in the ground.........
I have overdosed three times and went into three comas but I guess the man upstairs does not want me yet.......never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be where I am today.
Reading the post from Lizzie Lou this morning who I met here 7 months ago made my weekend..there was a time here when she was so made at me if she would of had a gun she would of shot me 10 times......she is not an addict but her sons are and I hurt her by even implicating that she was enabling her sons and that she was a big part of the problem......She has taught me a lot about posting here on the forum......She has helped me with my posts and I have made mistakes I am in uncharted territory in my life and I am learning my new passion to become a CAC certified addiction counselor and I have to thank some special people here who have helped me realize just how much I love life clean and that I can take decades of living in insanity lost in addiction and today become a good man who has much to offer........
I have always been 100% honest and tried to be consistant because Recovery is all about and starts with honesty like the first step you have to be honest with yourself first and when you look into the mirror you have to swallow your pride and see an addict......a person who has to admit that he is powerless against his addiction and no longer manages his own life.......for a proud man to accept this if very hard to admit that addiction and drugs make all his decisions.........
Because I do have serveral posts I thought people should no my past and my background so they can understand where I am coming from.......I don't do it to make myself better than anybody else or that i am judging anyone....it is true that I do a lot of volunteer speaking in N/A and now through school at many inpatient rehab facilities in front of a lot of people sometimes hundreds of people......
When I look at the faces and take questions from addicts or family of addicts who are desperately trying to find answers to get some help and get family members out of the insanity of addiction I take it very seriously and love what I do.......I have a huge passion to fight addiction today and to help others so that they don't waste 37 years of their lives over dose and go into comas bringing tears to family members and friends........an addict makes victims out of so many people in there addiction....
When were in full blown addiction we have no idea just how bad were hurting the people who love us the most we lie to them we steal from them we ignore there feelings when they just sit and cry because they don't understand why we are trying to kill ourselves..........
When I started to beg God for help at age 13 for his help I truly believed he ignored me and all I ever got was his voice mail my understanding of him was so confused.....today I think he had a plan for me. The road I chose to take in life was the road he provided me to take.......I now believe I was suppose to live the life that I lived so that when I recieve my CAC this year I can go and do his work and fight addiction the way he wants it done and I am ready to take on that battle........

Thank you and everyone else here for the kind words and I want all here to know that I am here for you if you need me and I will continue to post because I know I can make a difference..........