Scared

[FairyDaze]

I need to start weening myself off of percs and oxy's. I'm really, really scared. I can't tell anybody. I eat about 50-60 mgs a day and have been using them for about two years. Nobody knows except me and my dealer. When I tried this before I felt so bad I couldn't stay off of them. And they are so easy for me to get. Its so hard to find the willpower to stay off when I feel so bad and they are just a phone call away.

I'm looking for a support community. Somewhere I can go when I'm tempted to slip.  I can't tell my family, my Employee Assistance Program, or my boyfriend.  Its just not an option for me - I started this alone and now I have to finish it alone.

But whenever I think about stopping - I get so scared - scared of the pain (physical and emotional), scared I won't be able to succeed, and so deeply ashamed of it all. Not to mention so alone. Because of the economy I'm being laid off in the next couple of months, I have financial problems (gee....imagine that!), and a lot of other stuff that I need to face and deal with sober. So......TERRIFIED probably doesn't even begin to cover it. :( These pills have become my energy, my motivation, and my security blanket. As I write this I'm crying so hard I can barely see the screen.

I'm planning my move - I took off next Monday from work - I have just enough to get me through until Thrusday night of not being dope sick so I can make it through some obligations I have this week. I figured I probably won't feel to bad most of the day on Friday if I take my last dose Thursday night. Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday i will be taking lots of Tylenol PM for the "the flu" at home and trying to sleep through a lot of it. I know to drink lots and lots of water. I may go to GNC and see what kind of detox stuff is out there to try to help get this stuff out of me. Does anyone have any suggestions for that? Not looking for something to pass a drug test - but to actually get toxins out of my body.

I hope this site turns out to be the support I need. Please pray for me.

[FairyDaze]

Thanks Amy - I can't really get into the details of why its so secret at the moment (just time constraints - I'm very wordy lol) But as far as the EAP goes its more of a trust issue - I more or less work for them. I've seen where things have leaked out before just by nature of the job.

But thanks for you quick response. I'm sure I'll be around a lot in the future. And I'm going to check out the Thomas Recipe and amino acid protocol you mentioned.

Thanks again! Your warm yet honest reply is very much appreciated.

[Amaryllis1974]

Hi and congrats on your decision to quit!! I too am coming 'home" from a long, tough relapse, very similar to yours indeed.
First things first. Look in right hand bottom corner of page at the Thomas Recipe, and amino acids protocol. I weaned myself down from 40 pills per day (not your DOC), down to 3 and then flushed the little green devils at 3!!! (still in shock so constantly have to pat my back and be good to me for doing it) (:
Get supplements, drink tons of fluids, be prepared. It doesn't sound like you can wean because I live by the rule that a dope sick addict does NOT need access to their DOC when weaning. I gave mine to my bf, but you don't seem to have that luxury.
I am unable to see how keeping it a secret will help. With secrets (just my opinion) comes shame and guilt, which in return puts us back on that path because we are addicts and our disease breeds on shame and guilt.
I am on day three of my detox after a taper, and after some much needed encouragement from MANY friends on here, as well as continued support from my home life, I am almost out of the physical detox.
Why can't you tell the EAP? It seems that's where honesty would be safest. I only ask so I can learn more about your reason for solitude in this. An addict suffering alone can become used to the solitude, and in no way learn the new ways to cope- which are very important if you want to stop using FOR GOOD.
You will have to cut off your contact with your dealer. Period. You will have to tell that person that you can NOT use anymore. There is a lot of resolve in doing this. You CAN do it. You can make the decision, if I did. And if alllllll these people on here did it, you certainly can!!
Please keep posting as often as you can. Read the threads, talk to people on here if you absolutely can't talk to others outside of MH, and just make the decision to do it.
I am rooting for you, and I am sure I speak for everyone on here when I say that.
Much luck to you
Amy