My boyfriend....

[bettie1976]

Has been sober from alcohol for 38 days (same day as me, we did it together) and is DEPRESSED AS HELL! He started taking prozac a few weeks ago and its not kicking in yet and he says hes feels worse. He mopes around like ho hum and never smiles anymore. We used to have so much fun. He doesnt enjoy anything right now. He gets valiums to help with the transition of the quitting alcohol (or klonipin, still waiting for the prozac to kick in) then says he doesnt need em or want em and gives em to me. I still take em occasionally but my zoloft is kicking in and my anxiety is pretty much gone now. So then he says hes gonna flush em (the klonipins cuz they never worked for either of us) and then today he's on the phone with the advice nurse at his insurance wondering if he should go to the er to get some benzos. Im thinking WTF? I told him just GO. Look, I love you but Im tired of seeing you like this. I dont even understand whats going on in his head right now. He's been an alcoholic for 14 years and is just now learning how to live sober. While I can understand addiction (im an alcoholic and an addict myself) I dont get what he's doing. He does this every weekend lately. And he's not even abusing the benzos cuz he gives em to me. Weve both been taking them (i get them from my doc as well) but the er visits are getting outta control. It reminds me of when he was running to the ER three times a day to get me vicodins...
WTF...

[slideshow]

I didn't mean to hijack the thread and talk about me.  I was more trying to establish some empathy for him to try to imagine what he is feeling or thinking.  I know he must love you, but he has to put you more into the front of his mind, ahread of the ER visits.  Perhaps I am reading it wrong and he is doing that.....Doc shopping for Benzos is NOT helpful.  I take them ONLY to sleep.  If I took during the day, I would be sleeping all the time and certainly not being constructive.  

You say he has an appt with a shrink tomorrow.  Help him keep his mind open that the shrink will be trying to force meds down his throat, NOT helping him talk out the core issues.  If meds are his answer then perhaps its OK.  If the ADs and Benzos are making things worse, then the shrink is just going to make things worse by continuing to switch meds and switch meds.  To shrinks though meds are always the answer.  Well they are NOT, NOT NOT NOT.

I want your bf to be happy, because I want you to be happy.  Are you having a hard time staying straight because of the meds he is getting?   Like FLaddict says Benzos are just going to make him more depressed, really....The pharma companies are working on the Blue happy pill (ADs) and using us as the guinea pigs for them.........

38 days is not a long time sober from alcohol.  Is he a violent drinker or a sad drinker?   Are the meds a search for something to replace the alchohol?   You know and he knows that the issues are deeper than meds, but they are so HARD to deal with .

Again, I'm sorry my first two posts seemed to be about me, not your bf, but I was truly trying to establish some empathy to see if I could understand it from his perspective........Good luck tonight, more later.

Lastly does he realize that he has to dump his enabling friends, and is he prepared for the lonliness that comes with that.   You have each other though and if you are both sober that is a GREAT BIG Deal.      

Your friend

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[Savas]

heh heh...Yeah...try pointing out that the less he does, the less energy he'll have. Sort of a effort produces energy sort of thing. If I sit around all weekend, I fell like you'd need a crane to lift me off the couch come sunday night...

You may want to catch him in the morning right after he gets up, when he's had time to *adjust* to being awake in the world. It's a good time physically/mentally to jump start your day. If you can get him busy then, it could carry into the rest of the day...

That's how it works for me, at least.

[bettie1976]

hahaha savas! im gonna make him help me clean the fish and turtle tanks tonight! if I have the energy that is...

[Savas]

For me, weekends are the worse. Maybe it's the same for him. During the week at least you have *work and stuff* to distract you. But if you're not arranging to do *anything* on the weekend, or *can't*, all you can do is sit around and mope and start thinking about "What might have been."

Try to get him involved in something, anything! A hobby, get him a really cool toolbelt and start nagging him to fix things around the house. Something to make him feel useful and take his mind off of everything. Break stuff around the house you think he can handle fixing! :)
     To much thinking can be a bad thing. Especially if it's unproductive worrying.

[bettie1976]

i told him what you said....whether or not hell listen...thats up to him but thanks for the advice, to everyone.

[FLaddict]

Regular benzo use can make someone's depression worse... He should really start to cut back on those.. even just taking them daily in small doses can make someone who already has a depression issue worse.. The only thing that is really gonna help is time.. time for his brain and body to heal from the alcohol abuse.. unfortunately us addicts are inpatient... we are used to self medicating and getting whatever feeling we want when we want it.. this is a hard habit to break.. but time heals all wounds.. just have to be patient and hope he is trying the best he can to overcome the depression.