Aa
My boyfriend....
Has been sober from alcohol for 38 days (same day as me, we did it together) and is DEPRESSED AS HELL! He started taking prozac a few weeks ago and its not kicking in yet and he says hes feels worse. He mopes around like ho hum and never smiles anymore. We used to have so much fun. He doesnt enjoy anything right now. He gets valiums to help with the transition of the quitting alcohol (or klonipin, still waiting for the prozac to kick in) then says he doesnt need em or want em and gives em to me. I still take em occasionally but my zoloft is kicking in and my anxiety is pretty much gone now. So then he says hes gonna flush em (the klonipins cuz they never worked for either of us) and then today he's on the phone with the advice nurse at his insurance wondering if he should go to the er to get some benzos. Im thinking WTF? I told him just GO. Look, I love you but Im tired of seeing you like this. I dont even understand whats going on in his head right now. He's been an alcoholic for 14 years and is just now learning how to live sober. While I can understand addiction (im an alcoholic and an addict myself) I dont get what he's doing. He does this every weekend lately. And he's not even abusing the benzos cuz he gives em to me. Weve both been taking them (i get them from my doc as well) but the er visits are getting outta control. It reminds me of when he was running to the ER three times a day to get me vicodins...
WTF...
WTF...
Maybe he's one of those people that needs alcohol to socialize...My b/f is anti social and I hate it...I don't know what there is out where you live, but make him get outa the house go to a arcade, mini golf, bowling do fun kids stuff...
Have you seen the movie knocked up? If you like comedy YOU HAVE to see it wicked funny
havent seen it yet but definitely want to. love that seth guy! he's so funny and seriously, adorable.
and he doesnt wanna do ANYTHING at all...he's like me when I get that way. yesterday I made him play a few games with me and my daughter but his heart wasnt in it. He will do anything I ask of him so I try not to ask for much but I wanted him to get out of himself for awhile. Maybe our meeting tonight will do him some good. Doubt it tho. We usually feel worse after those. Sometimes anyways. I just cant be around him right now b/c Im over that hump of moping (for the most part) but i feel bad b/c he was there for me when I was going thru it but then we both were. He still is. He has a crappy sponsor and only me. At least he goes back to work tomorrow. I dont know how much more of being around a depressed person I can take.
and he doesnt wanna do ANYTHING at all...he's like me when I get that way. yesterday I made him play a few games with me and my daughter but his heart wasnt in it. He will do anything I ask of him so I try not to ask for much but I wanted him to get out of himself for awhile. Maybe our meeting tonight will do him some good. Doubt it tho. We usually feel worse after those. Sometimes anyways. I just cant be around him right now b/c Im over that hump of moping (for the most part) but i feel bad b/c he was there for me when I was going thru it but then we both were. He still is. He has a crappy sponsor and only me. At least he goes back to work tomorrow. I dont know how much more of being around a depressed person I can take.
Well him going back to work could be the best thing maybe he's just stuck in a rut I get that way every so ofter...Also maybe meds aren't the whole answer he should go and talk to someone
Good, even B4 I was on pills I always thought I needed to go see one, just to paraniod to have my life on paper, haha all the crazy sh** that goes on in my head i;m crazy,LOL
well they wouldnt give him anything. they told him to pick up the buspar at the pharmacy (which is what they gave him on top of the friggin prozac) and wait til he sees the shrink tomorrow. BOTH buspar and prozac take weeks to work so tell me how that even makes sense. Are doctors just plain F'ing stupid or do they just not care? He came clean with his doc about his alcoholism and she shuns him. F&%$ K A I S E R.
When I drank heavily it was while I was in the bar business, or only when I was out partying (50 cent night at Big Daddy's). So I was more of a Partyholic than an alcoholic. I quit drinking hard liquor in 1982 and quit drinking altogether until 2001. When I stopped taking pills I started drinking good Cabernet, but not really so much and not really so often. I found that I could still get drunk and 2 bottles of Cabernet can get me quite loaded. I only drank when getting together with folks to play guitar. Drinking and playing music has always kind of gone together. Well a few months ago, I quit drinking altogether because I simply don't enjoy it. I'm learning to play guitar sober and frankly I'm a little bit better sober...The hard part is the enabling friends that still offer stuff. I don't have any problems turning down booze, wine, pot, mushrooms, recreational Valium. The problem is the the folks that are supposed to be my friends, keep offering me ****. Screw them.. Once couple keeps offering my wife mushrooms behind my back, knowing how I feel about it. Well she can take care of herself, its just frustrating that they do this.
You bf will adjust, but he will have to get used to not hanging around with the old enabling folks. Sometimes the old friends. I don't blame your bf for not liking the ADs....I never liked any of them, just whacked me out. I'm not sure I understand what he is doing to get the Benzos, calling ERs and making up stories, or getting them for legit anxiety...In any case continuing to doctor shop for anything can't be a good thing, and the shopping for Benzos could easily turn into shopping for something else. Might be hard to turn down some IV demorol, if some ER thinks hes hurting badly enough. I am sorry he is so depressed, but I am pretty sure the ADs aren't going to help that....Perhaps he just like the rest of us has to dig deep for the core issues, that make him seek the escape. Easier said than done though. I'm not a meeting kind of guy, so can understand how that might get old, especially if they are not helping. Meetings are not for everyone....I know there are proponents here for the NA AA meetings, but the truth is they are simply not for everyone and really don't dig deep enough to get to the core issues, but dwell on the using itself.....
I hope he gets happier. Certainly having you to love him can't hurt.....Thats a BIG plus, having someone to help support him.....Good luck and I hope he feels better soon.
You bf will adjust, but he will have to get used to not hanging around with the old enabling folks. Sometimes the old friends. I don't blame your bf for not liking the ADs....I never liked any of them, just whacked me out. I'm not sure I understand what he is doing to get the Benzos, calling ERs and making up stories, or getting them for legit anxiety...In any case continuing to doctor shop for anything can't be a good thing, and the shopping for Benzos could easily turn into shopping for something else. Might be hard to turn down some IV demorol, if some ER thinks hes hurting badly enough. I am sorry he is so depressed, but I am pretty sure the ADs aren't going to help that....Perhaps he just like the rest of us has to dig deep for the core issues, that make him seek the escape. Easier said than done though. I'm not a meeting kind of guy, so can understand how that might get old, especially if they are not helping. Meetings are not for everyone....I know there are proponents here for the NA AA meetings, but the truth is they are simply not for everyone and really don't dig deep enough to get to the core issues, but dwell on the using itself.....
I hope he gets happier. Certainly having you to love him can't hurt.....Thats a BIG plus, having someone to help support him.....Good luck and I hope he feels better soon.
I'd be happy to help flesh this out to help discover just what might make him happier. He is 10 steps ahread by having your love. Frankly thats when I knew I couldn't let my wife go, when she used to come and see me in a 30 day dry out place for alcohol (for DUIs) on a Greyhound bus....For her to do that for me, was the icing on the cake. I already trusted her, but when she weht to that much trouble to come see me, knowing that I needed mental support meant the world to me. I knew then that I could NOT let her go. That was 25 years ago, next May is our 25 Silver Wedding anniversery. I am not saying that we have a perfect relationship who does, but I am saying its cool to have a partner for that long that you trust not to screw around on you, for that long. That in turn makes me a better boy and I too can be trusted......If you love him, you will figure it out.
Regular benzo use can make someone's depression worse... He should really start to cut back on those.. even just taking them daily in small doses can make someone who already has a depression issue worse.. The only thing that is really gonna help is time.. time for his brain and body to heal from the alcohol abuse.. unfortunately us addicts are inpatient... we are used to self medicating and getting whatever feeling we want when we want it.. this is a hard habit to break.. but time heals all wounds.. just have to be patient and hope he is trying the best he can to overcome the depression.
i told him what you said....whether or not hell listen...thats up to him but thanks for the advice, to everyone.
For me, weekends are the worse. Maybe it's the same for him. During the week at least you have *work and stuff* to distract you. But if you're not arranging to do *anything* on the weekend, or *can't*, all you can do is sit around and mope and start thinking about "What might have been."
Try to get him involved in something, anything! A hobby, get him a really cool toolbelt and start nagging him to fix things around the house. Something to make him feel useful and take his mind off of everything. Break stuff around the house you think he can handle fixing! :)
To much thinking can be a bad thing. Especially if it's unproductive worrying.
Try to get him involved in something, anything! A hobby, get him a really cool toolbelt and start nagging him to fix things around the house. Something to make him feel useful and take his mind off of everything. Break stuff around the house you think he can handle fixing! :)
To much thinking can be a bad thing. Especially if it's unproductive worrying.
hahaha savas! im gonna make him help me clean the fish and turtle tanks tonight! if I have the energy that is...
heh heh...Yeah...try pointing out that the less he does, the less energy he'll have. Sort of a effort produces energy sort of thing. If I sit around all weekend, I fell like you'd need a crane to lift me off the couch come sunday night...
You may want to catch him in the morning right after he gets up, when he's had time to *adjust* to being awake in the world. It's a good time physically/mentally to jump start your day. If you can get him busy then, it could carry into the rest of the day...
That's how it works for me, at least.
You may want to catch him in the morning right after he gets up, when he's had time to *adjust* to being awake in the world. It's a good time physically/mentally to jump start your day. If you can get him busy then, it could carry into the rest of the day...
That's how it works for me, at least.
I didn't mean to hijack the thread and talk about me. I was more trying to establish some empathy for him to try to imagine what he is feeling or thinking. I know he must love you, but he has to put you more into the front of his mind, ahread of the ER visits. Perhaps I am reading it wrong and he is doing that.....Doc shopping for Benzos is NOT helpful. I take them ONLY to sleep. If I took during the day, I would be sleeping all the time and certainly not being constructive.
You say he has an appt with a shrink tomorrow. Help him keep his mind open that the shrink will be trying to force meds down his throat, NOT helping him talk out the core issues. If meds are his answer then perhaps its OK. If the ADs and Benzos are making things worse, then the shrink is just going to make things worse by continuing to switch meds and switch meds. To shrinks though meds are always the answer. Well they are NOT, NOT NOT NOT.
I want your bf to be happy, because I want you to be happy. Are you having a hard time staying straight because of the meds he is getting? Like FLaddict says Benzos are just going to make him more depressed, really....The pharma companies are working on the Blue happy pill (ADs) and using us as the guinea pigs for them.........
38 days is not a long time sober from alcohol. Is he a violent drinker or a sad drinker? Are the meds a search for something to replace the alchohol? You know and he knows that the issues are deeper than meds, but they are so HARD to deal with .
Again, I'm sorry my first two posts seemed to be about me, not your bf, but I was truly trying to establish some empathy to see if I could understand it from his perspective........Good luck tonight, more later.
Lastly does he realize that he has to dump his enabling friends, and is he prepared for the lonliness that comes with that. You have each other though and if you are both sober that is a GREAT BIG Deal.
Your friend
slide
You say he has an appt with a shrink tomorrow. Help him keep his mind open that the shrink will be trying to force meds down his throat, NOT helping him talk out the core issues. If meds are his answer then perhaps its OK. If the ADs and Benzos are making things worse, then the shrink is just going to make things worse by continuing to switch meds and switch meds. To shrinks though meds are always the answer. Well they are NOT, NOT NOT NOT.
I want your bf to be happy, because I want you to be happy. Are you having a hard time staying straight because of the meds he is getting? Like FLaddict says Benzos are just going to make him more depressed, really....The pharma companies are working on the Blue happy pill (ADs) and using us as the guinea pigs for them.........
38 days is not a long time sober from alcohol. Is he a violent drinker or a sad drinker? Are the meds a search for something to replace the alchohol? You know and he knows that the issues are deeper than meds, but they are so HARD to deal with .
Again, I'm sorry my first two posts seemed to be about me, not your bf, but I was truly trying to establish some empathy to see if I could understand it from his perspective........Good luck tonight, more later.
Lastly does he realize that he has to dump his enabling friends, and is he prepared for the lonliness that comes with that. You have each other though and if you are both sober that is a GREAT BIG Deal.
Your friend
slide
I'm a bit sad for you lady. You life is hard enough, then with his issues on top of yours, it just makes it harder. If you do truly love each other though, it CAN work....You two can keep no better company than each other if you can both stay sober and be happy in each other company. Hell eve if you just watch TV and eat potato chips together, its better than bar hopping and popping pills together............
Ok...lots of comments to make...to savas-i get his a$$ outta bed early even on the weekends. but he's still like this....we need some freakin hobbies.
slide-how many times do I have to tell yer precious head that yer not hijacking these threads? everytime we email each other we learn from each other and that I cherish. I cherish everything you say. Weve never been to a bar together that is, we drank at home. He has no friends, cept me as he came from FL last year or so. He was a happy drinker. Never got violent, never cried etc...So maybe thats one of the problems right there. IT made him happy to drink and now he cant. I dont think hes trying to replace alcohol with benzos because he always gives em to me and says he doesnt want em. Then sometimes he does need em. He just wants something to ease the anxiety of dealing with sober life until the ADs kick in. and I completely understand that. Im going thru the same thing myself BUT my AD's are already working and Ive never been depressed. So I guess Im not too schooled on that subject.
You, my dear friend are more than welcome to hijack any thread you wish. Did you check out the thread that was TRULY hijacked today by some unknown person? Now THATS hijacking a thread.
slide-how many times do I have to tell yer precious head that yer not hijacking these threads? everytime we email each other we learn from each other and that I cherish. I cherish everything you say. Weve never been to a bar together that is, we drank at home. He has no friends, cept me as he came from FL last year or so. He was a happy drinker. Never got violent, never cried etc...So maybe thats one of the problems right there. IT made him happy to drink and now he cant. I dont think hes trying to replace alcohol with benzos because he always gives em to me and says he doesnt want em. Then sometimes he does need em. He just wants something to ease the anxiety of dealing with sober life until the ADs kick in. and I completely understand that. Im going thru the same thing myself BUT my AD's are already working and Ive never been depressed. So I guess Im not too schooled on that subject.
You, my dear friend are more than welcome to hijack any thread you wish. Did you check out the thread that was TRULY hijacked today by some unknown person? Now THATS hijacking a thread.
Well, if slideshow leaves, then I'm leaving. Then wait2long will leave, and beatiie1976, and beach and...it's just madness!!! Hmm...unless we all leave and go to the same place...in that case...we may as well just stay here! See? An exercise in thought working towards lack of effort!!! :)
Yeah, I know what you mean luv. We made each other MISERABLE here after we stopped. After the initial "this is great!" wore off, we didn't know what to DO with ourselves. We took up hobbies out of desperation, to fill the time until things developed life-wise. I rebuilt this whole friggin' apartment from scratch over the past year and a half. Kitchen cabinets, desks, entertainment center...bookshelves, closets, bathroom cabinets and etagre'...etc...you name it. If I ever have to plane and sand another 2x4 it'll be too soon!
Yeah, I know what you mean luv. We made each other MISERABLE here after we stopped. After the initial "this is great!" wore off, we didn't know what to DO with ourselves. We took up hobbies out of desperation, to fill the time until things developed life-wise. I rebuilt this whole friggin' apartment from scratch over the past year and a half. Kitchen cabinets, desks, entertainment center...bookshelves, closets, bathroom cabinets and etagre'...etc...you name it. If I ever have to plane and sand another 2x4 it'll be too soon!
Truly, it sounds like he/you just need more time to get used to being sober....You can have no better friends, than yourselves and each other. FLaddict makes a very good point in that we want immeditate gratification likes the pills, Coke, or Alcohol gives us... you do say that he is waiting for the ADs to kick in. Well my opinion on ADs is biased because they never worked for me, even when I gave them the months doc said it would take to "kick in"...So then you may be left when what happens of/when they don't kick in.....Frankly I think it will be fine, as after a few months he/you will be more used to being sober. Honestly when I quit drinking a loooong time ago, I didn't miss anything except the partying, the bars. The bars were in my blood from working in them for so long in Miami, then from partying in them afterwards. I missed my fellow drunks. I was easier for me, because when I got out of the rehab center, my gf (now my wife) moved in with me. She still drank beer though, but that never bothered me. Later on in life it started to bother me though after I quit the pills, her friend would throw parties, where groups of folks brought their guitars and we'd all play together. Thats when I started drinking Cabernet. Who can drink too much hot red wine (I can), so I found myself trying to keep up with the party.. I'm sure you know what I mean. You can't keep up with the party without being drunk, so I would occasionally get drunk with everyone else. After so many years of not drinking anything 1982-2001, I started back on Cabernet. Well on a positive note I have since stopped doing that, except for the rare occasions when we play music and then I do limit myself to only a few glasses. I haven't even done that in 4-5 months, as I don't like drinking on the Norco....I am learning how to play sober.
I think its just going to take time for ya'll to get used to being sober, not partying, or at least not letting alcohol being the center of the party. The fact that you have each other will make the process easier. Go to some movies, go to the zoo (Ok I don't like the zoo either), but get and do some things together. He sounds like a good guy. If he was cool drunk then he will be much cooler sober. Time will tell.
I think its just going to take time for ya'll to get used to being sober, not partying, or at least not letting alcohol being the center of the party. The fact that you have each other will make the process easier. Go to some movies, go to the zoo (Ok I don't like the zoo either), but get and do some things together. He sounds like a good guy. If he was cool drunk then he will be much cooler sober. Time will tell.
GREAT.....I hope that this shrink is a good listener......Don't let him be just an AD pusher. Your bf needs to "talk" about core issues, not just mask them with ADs....That said, some of the ADs may help him. They help some folks, just not me.........
I am happy that he is taking 2 Giant Steps today......The shrink and work....Cool. My wife has even noticed the change in me after 8 visits to my psychologist. Last week she actually told me to tell the head doc "Thanks" from her...I thought that was cool that my wife noticed the positive changes. If you see positve changes in bf, tell him, it will help him......
I am happy that he is taking 2 Giant Steps today......The shrink and work....Cool. My wife has even noticed the change in me after 8 visits to my psychologist. Last week she actually told me to tell the head doc "Thanks" from her...I thought that was cool that my wife noticed the positive changes. If you see positve changes in bf, tell him, it will help him......
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