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My close call...
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My close call...

Today I almost fell, and fell hard!! I am 50 days clean today and I almost blew it big time! I got some devestating news about my best friend and the pain I felt (and am feeling) is so great that I just didint want to feel it anymore. SO my addict brain kicked in, and before I knew It I literally grabbed a bottle of pills! Twice! Both times I put them back and didnt take any, but it scared me! It showed me that No matter HOW comfortable I am in my sobriety, that I will never know what is going to trigger me! I have been working on coping skills and what triggers to look out for etc, but I could have never expected this! So I did what the addict side of my brain NEVER would have done! I called a friend (thank you Pat) and got the strength to go to a meeting!

I guess I just wanted to post this to remind us all, that no matter how high up we may think our guard is, Sometimes it still sneaks in! Its the tools we have gained though recovery that will make the difference! I am in no way mentally strong, but tonight I am still sober and thats a big accomplishment for today anyways!

Thank you to everyone for your support (and tough love :)  ) And please keep praying for my friend!
18 Comments Post a Comment
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4341997_tn?1380655144
So proud of you girl!!   you have helped me SO much over the past two weeks...i can never thank you enough or repay you....all i can do is take the advice you and others have given me and stay clean!!  hoping that will be some sort of thanks for helping me so much!!  stay strong and you will get thru this as well!!   xoxoxoxo
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2120911_tn?1350926261
u go gurl !
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4149717_tn?1389507161
Thanks so much Tooth! Im glad that I have been able to be there for you and help :) You have done the same for me girl!

Free, that made me lol! hahahaha
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2107676_tn?1388977459
Always use the phone a friend option when you feel weak.  All my friends are welcome to use it, well the ones who have my number anyway lol.
I will use mine too if I need it.
You did great Jelly Bean.  You were the one who said you should go to a meeting first.  I just thought it was a great idea.  
I know you are going through hell but you are still thinking right and making great decisions.
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495284_tn?1333897642
Maybe i have missed this explanation but why do you have pills in your possession?
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4149717_tn?1389507161
They are my moms Sara. They have been here this whole time and no issues until tonight. She has fentanyl too but I really havent even given any of it a second thought...
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495284_tn?1333897642
Ahh now i remember!  If it becomes too much of a problem have her put them out of reach.
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4149717_tn?1389507161
Im going to tell her in the morning to lock them up! She had my medicine from my surgery locked up (now that she knows about my addiction and everything) but I dont think she thought of hers being a problem. and it ISNT but I cant be tempted again the next time I hit a wall. Thank you as always for the tough nudging :)
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495284_tn?1333897642
You know i will be asking if this was done.....I may forget what day it is but i dont forget about this stuff!
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4149717_tn?1389507161
hahahaha I would be upset if you didnt! I know they need to be put up, at least right now.I even took the cap off and smelled them..sick huh??

and BTW, its Sunday, encase you did forget :)
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Avatar_f_tn
So proud of you!! It's overcoming the urge to succumb at a time like this that shows us how strong we really are. Keep up the good work!
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3197167_tn?1348972206
Calling a friend and getting yourself to a meeting.......you did the "next right thing".  Watching your day crash around you from your mind set this morning to the time this afternoon when you rec'd the tragic news....shows all of us how quickly "life" can change in a 24 hr period.  All I could think to say was "hang on for dear life", get around some supportive recovering people, and don't use.  
And if I remember right, which I probably don't, but I thought your Mom didn't take pain meds regularly around the clock?  Maybe I just had the bottle(s) that were locked up confused, cause I thought after you told her about your addiction that day and cried with her that she had locked up
ALL the pain meds.  If she takes them as prescribed, she probably could just get out what SHE needs for the day and keep all the rest of them put up.  Having any kind of access no matter how strong you think you are would make me uncomfortable.  But I don't want any, anywhere, around me cause then it will NEVER be an option....no matter what, no matter what happens.   But that's a choice I have made for myself and it's MY "built in" safeguard.  Glad you hung on and went to a meeting.
Will be praying for your friend and healing of her brain as she rests tonight.  You did good today girl~  Pain......then clarity.
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4149717_tn?1389507161
My mom doesnt even really take the pain meds, only so often. They have been up with the rest of her medications and to be honest like I said They have never even been a temptation. Im not sure why but I guess i have been lucky. When I had my meds, they were though. Maybe a mental game my addict brain plays? I dunno. BUt Now that I know my stupid brain went right back there I am going to make sure she knows they need to be locked up in her safe. I feel horrible that now she has to lock up her meds but I guess its a fact of my reality right? I will make sure its taken care of though today, for sure!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank goodness you didn't use! 50 days is a long time to be clean and then fall off the wagon. Have you thought of throwing the pills you have in the toilet? Just a thought since then it wouldn't be so easy if you have a close call in the future. I know I had to throw out the last 3 fentanyl patches I had otherwise the temptation would have been to great for me! Wishing you continued success! Stay strong! I can't wait until I can say I've been clean for 50 days! Hugs! : )
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4149717_tn?1389507161
Thank you! 50 days is huge which is why I am so so thankful I was able to fight it yesterday. Well as i had said before, they are mom moms pills so no, I cant flush them or throw the Fent patches out but I am going to have her lock them up so I dont run into this problem again. It was too close of a call for me :(

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495284_tn?1333897642
Soooooooooooo, are they in lock down yet?
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2107198_tn?1336139706
That is incredibly strong of you Teresa.  If I had pills that close to me I would use I am afraid.  Be proud of yourself, but try to find a way to protect yourself if you ever get in a situation where your strength is lower then yesterday.

Bryan
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2107198_tn?1336139706
Ditto.
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