My cousin's relapse - a warning to all.

[kyle505]

A few months ago I wrote the forum, asking for help, because my cousin was abusing Trams. It was very disturbing because he was/is one of my role models. He'd been clean from hydros for many years, and although he lives in Southern California, he was a big help to me. I spent many hours on the phone telling him things that he already knew - a been there, done that situation. Then, just a month or two ago, he started taking Trams because of a bad back, and because his doc told them that they weren't a problem, having all the details of his addiction. Wrong. He went through a hellish detox and I posted here, warning about Trams.
Well, come to find out that he's using hydros again; his wife called and is feeling very helpless. I talked with him and heard all the excuses that any addict will use to justify his/her use. He's buying in to his own BS, and deep down he knows it.
Anyway, I pray that this will work out; he was there for me, now I'm there for him. I may even fly down to visit after the holidays.
Bottom line, relapsing can happen to any of us, no matter how much clean time we have. And it all comes back to Sarah's timeless words - keep your guard up. I've read them over and over again but never really understood until now. My cousin is a real hard-a s s. He doesn't cut you any slack but at the same time, when the BS stops, he is very caring and supportive.  I really hope he comes back soon.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. This addiction thing is scary, has no thought other than the next hit, and can end your life.  
K

[kyle505]

Thank you all. Most of us have been through something like this - although we believe that we're offering sage advice, we still feel a bit helpless because the results aren't immediate, and as addicts, we want it NOW.
A learning process for me I guess. Thanks again.
K

[ROSYouralright]

Sorry to hear about this Kyle... He's lucky to have someone with your NO B.S. mentality in his corner. I sincerely hope and pray that he doesn't let this spiral out of control..

[clean_in_ks]

Thank you, Kyle, for sharing with us about your cousin.  I'm truly sorry the Trams awakened the beast in him and he's returned to hydros now.  

If he's feeding you the "I'm in control" line....sounds like he'll have to have a consequence or two that shows him he's NOT in control, huh?  I'm so sorry to hear this heartache for his family and you and yours as well.  Addiction truly is cunning, baffling and powerful and it affects not only the adddict, but all those who love him.

I kept re-reading this to see if there was a lesson in this for me besides just keeping my guard up....or maybe an "additional WAY", if you will, of keeping my guard up.  I decided there was.  

Even though my doctor, dentist and loved ones all know of my addiction, I still have a personal responsibility as an addict to check out each and every prescription drug written for me BEFORE I fill it and take it.

  
  

[Kbusymom]

So sorry to hear about your cousin.  I was just about to post what Nursegirl said.  You gave me some tough love when I first got on here and everything you said really hit a nerve and stuck with me.  You were so right and it was what I needed to hear.  You are straightforward with no BS and it's so genuine.  I hope he becomes ready to come clean and end the vicious cycle.  Keep us posted; thinking of you and we def all have to keep our guards up.

[nursegirl6572]

So sorry to hear about your cousin.  He's lucky to have you in his corner.  Your "no nonsense" approach is what people who are lying to themselves need to hear.  Even if they don't like hearing it at first, as we've seen here, almost always, it sinks in at some point and really makes an impact.

I'll keep him in my thoughts and hope he can get back on that horse, remembering how hard he worked for sobriety before, and how worth it is!

[ariley13]

Ha! Yeah, give him the good ole' Kyle tough love BS line! I'm glad he does get on here from time to time. Hopefully he will start getting on here more, going to meetings, and reaching out to you. I hope he will let you be there for him the way that he was there for you. Please do keep us updated. You take care of yourself and I hope you and your entire family have a happy holiday despite all of this.

[kyle505]

BS line? What BS line? (You want me to get kicked off again? You are getting coal from Santa this year).
I think that he does go on the forum from time to time, although not much now. Yeah, he does have legit pain, but it can be controlled with over the counter stuff; he's done it for years. He's using for pleasure; messing up the holidays for his family. He knows it but is hooked now and hasn't quite hit the crap that eventually happens.
Thanks.
K

[kyle505]

I did tell him; he acknowledges it all, swears that he's going to stop, but he won't. At least until he's out or can't get anymore. And a good point - right now it really is a stumble; he hasn't quite gotten in to the long term use mode. But if he doesn't do something pretty quick, well, we're back to square one.
I used to believe that I failed once, BUT, I learned so much that I'm in control now. Man, what a bunch of BS. I did that for a very long time.
Thanks again.
K

[Sonrissa]

Perhaps he would be willing to read this forum. Maybe even join the family? Does he have legitamite pain issues, or is he taking them for pleasure? There is no one in the world who can give him better advice than you. We could certainly offer him support.

I hope it all works out, and soon, before it gets any worse! Have you tried using your BS line on him yet? :)  Best wishes, and take care.

[karmawitch]

If you think he is in a place to hear, you might want to gently just tell him what you said. If he knows that this stumble does not mean a full fall and you are there, might let him not do the all or nothing thinking--which I do sometimes: goes like this: I failed once = I fail always. And what he did for you still shines for you. He might need to hear it :}

[kyle505]

Thank you. The words are Sarah's, but like lots of things she has said or written, I've clung to them for dear life. Yeah - he was a big part of my sobriety, still is. Even his fall can't take away all he's done. I just hope I can return the effort in kind.
K

[kyle505]

Thanks. I've read so much on the forum about Trams; I just wished he would have called before taking them. Maybe the outcome would have been different. Now he's on the slippery slope...All of his hard work is down the tubes; the holidays are upon us and his addiction is making it a difficult time, to say the least.
Again, thanks. I'll keep you posted.
K

[karmawitch]

I am so sorry, and thank you for sharing as sometimes I think we need to be  reminded how we have to stay vigilant. I used my meds as prescribed through so many surgeries and laid them down right after. I thought I could handle it. That turned into not stopping and then using too much, then using a needle. Going forward from here is scary.

I can just imagine seeing somebody who lit the way for you going back into the darkness hurts like hell. Be a light for him, hon. And thanks for the reminder to keep up our guard. I will keep those words with me as I start my way home.

[ariley13]

I'm sorry to hear this Kyle, but thank you for sharing. Serves as a very good reminder to all. It amazes me that most doctors don't realize how addictive Tramadol is. I hope that your cousin is able to find his way again.