My family is a mess...

Question

....and I do not want them to affect my sobriety. My post is along the lines of recovery, but if it's not I'm sorry. I have to get this off my chest and I can't tell anyone except my husband and he really doesn't get it. 

I have been clean for about four months now, and I'm doing okay. It's times like this when I get tripped up and want an exit. Anyway, my mother has been smoking crack cocaine for a while now. She got linked up with some guy and they smoke (and drinki) together. He has no way to support his habit, so he uses my mother (because she lets him). They are living in an abandoned house for the most part (the owner died) with no running water or electricity. Then I have a brother with a drinking problem. He smashed his car up over the weekend drinking and driving. I also find out that my mothers car has been repossessed. She called me yesterday high out of her mind asking me if she could take my daughter over the weekend. I keep telling her no, and she keeps asking. She is already plotting on my son who isn't even born yet! Then I have my grandmother who had a stroke (20 years ago) and needs help because she has bursitis in her good arm. No one's around to help her because these two (my mother and brother) are off getting drunk and high. 

I am 32 years old, married with a daughter and pregnant with a son. So, I'm okay. But these people are a mess. I have been walking around and trying to pretend that it doesn't bother me but it really, really does. I'm wondering if at this point I should just walk away from them and not look back. Would that just be better for me and my family? I know from personal experience that person isn't going to get help until they want to. I'm really confused about this. 

Thanks for listening and I'm sorry if this is too much of the mark for this forum.

10356 · Answer

I can understand where you are hopeful after all they are your family.. but you also have made your own family and it is your responsibility to make sure they are safe and not privy to the turmoil and dangerous world of someone on crack their mind is in high gear 24 7 and it is a distorted reality.. Your moms boyfriend I would not let on the same block as my daughter.. If it is how you describe that your mom takes pleasure in putting you in a corner and on the defensive then trust would not be an issue with me.. My psychiatrist once told me you may have been born into a family but that does not mean you have too have a relationship with them, that we have a choice and it is ok too choose not to... If you had a friend who was disrupting your life causing you pain and putting your daughter in harms way would you keep them as a friend.. I'm sorry you are going through this and yes it does hurt distance though may be what helps you to heal and put it all into perspective.. I wish you well with your pregnancy and congratulations on the baby and being four months clean Wohoo :)) lesa

TimmyVD · Answer

I have NO CLUE what she/they (because he boyfriend asks for her too) want with my daughter who is only two. I think it's high talk frankly. I also think that she likes to torture me by asking. She knows that I don't want to leave my daughter alone with her so she thinks it's cute to listen to me stammering and making up excuses. My daughter has been around my mother a handful of times and I think it needs to stay this way. 

Yesterday this all hit a fevered pitch...most of this I didn't even know about. However, now that I do know I really have to look this situation in the face. I really have to stop all contact...I'm starting to realize this. 

I have to ask though...I wonder if it will ever stop? I think I know but I am a little hopeful it will.

Debbie1054 · Answer

You are in the right place I have found so much help here it is unreal, the people on here are here to help everyone and give support.  If I was in your shoes I would walk away and just pray that they will find out that they need help.  It does not matter how much you help them I mean by giving money and stuff like that.  I know it kills you inside I had to do the same thing with my mother and alcohol, I had to walk away.  I did not want my children around that kind of people.  I did not have any drug problem at that time.  But I had to keep away and keep my children away.  My mother came around about 10 years later.  Yes it took that long and I was so glad for her but only they can do it you can't do it for them and everytime you see it, it makes it harder for you. That is just my thought I am sure you will get many others from all the great people on here. Good Luck and keep posting you are in the right place     Take care, Debbie

cathy5841 · Answer

sometimes it takes tough love.  you have to protect your sobriety at all cost.  these are grown ppl making a decision to use.  you do not need this in your life right now....tell them you love them and when they grow up you will be there for them.  btw, you definately posted in the right place there is lots of support here, for addicts and their family.  :)

broknbck · Answer

Well if that isn't slum and skid row, what is?

what does she want with your daughter? hah- 

sorry that your family is soooo umm messed up???  probably not a great environment for your kids, huh? maybe that walk should be a really long one and far. About your grandmother. As long as you are there to do things, nobody else will.

concernedfiance · Answer

I think your right to walk away from them and never look back. Just because they are family does not mean that you have to love them or look after them. 

Think about your kids...would you want them around such bad influences?

I'm totaly backing you up on cutting them loose!