Relapse....day 3. terrible shame. dont know if i can go on

[Jammerson1906]

relapse. back went out, i went for the drugs. for about 2 weeks. was supposed to be just a few...a few went out of control. here i sit, in the worst shame, day 3. was not going to post, too embarrassed. then i remembered no one judging. will it ever end? i dont know anymore. the depression is soooo dark. this is living helll, it was last time, but here i am again.
no excuses, i have no strength over the damn pills, they control me. how sad. what happened to me? where did she go?
god help me!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dedicatedtostop]

Good for you, take it to heart and repeat every single day................ You got back up!!!! AND that my dear friend is all that matters!!

Positive energy and attitude goes a long way, trust me you will be suprised!!

Keep posting, there are so many people hear that care and will support you through this.

BIG HUGZ

[Jammerson1906]

LOVE THE QUOTE!!!
Will try and memorize it.
Thank you for your story....thank you for reminding me that it doesn't matter i relapsed, it matters I am getting clean again. Hard for me. I am great at taking care of my loved ones, not so good about taking care of me. Always have to be the one EVERYONE can turn to, for support, answers, a shoulder. Hard to be the one who now needs it. But those around me have empraced me and are dragging me through! lol

And you are so right,,,,,failure is not getting back up!!!
I am up, and fighting!

God bless you both and much love and support to us both for day 6 is just around the corner!!!!

[dedicatedtostop]

Oh how i love that quote...... Failure is not falling down, it's NOT GETTING BACK UP... I apply that to many aspects of life... My mother instilled that in me

We All Need to! And we all need to repeat that sentence EVERY SINGLE DAY! Maybe every hour of the day...... Much Luv... Dedicated

[Greatgreebo]

Like I said in my own post just a minute ago...........it doesn't matter if you fall down 100 times as long as you get up 101 times!

I'm on day five too................I've been on this site for 3.5 years and here I am, on day 5 again.....You are doing fine. NO shame, no guilt, just keep looking forward. You can't fix yesterday but you can do something about today :-)


As Triumph sings: "Fight the good fight every morning, every minute, every day"

Stay Strong,
Greatgreebo

[Jammerson1906]

You are so right....stuff is just stuff!
I have an amazing man, an amazing family and stuff is just stuff.
Thank you....we will get through it. He is an amazing person and will do whatever it takes to take care of us...
including going throught this with me, again.
But, it is the last time!
Thank you!!!

[Jammerson1906]

Yep...day 5! omg, not easy, but knew it would not be.
I am here, fighting the fight.
so proud of you both.....
Hubby already had surgery, I already took his meds! lol Not funny, but over, that was almost 2 months ago. He is healing well. Funny he never needed the pills, never wanted them. God I wish that was me!
Thank you my friends...keep in touch!

[hiskidd]

Hi. So many good people are right there with you in this economy. Numbing will only make things worse. You have to choose not to stress about it. So they call, send letters, etc. what can that do to your soul? Nothing. If you let it, you can let the stress damage your body, so just choose not to stress about them.

Take care of your man the best you can and try to keep your spirits up. Stuff is just stuff. In the end, it makes us just about as happy as the pills. Stick to what really matters in life. You and your family.

[RnTgotitbad]

hey Mrs Kitty, well youve made it to day 5 if i count rite, congrats!!  you can do this, learn from your relaspe.. the tought of going thru withdrawlls help us stay away from those evil pills... be careful with your husbands meds, im sure he'll get some after sugery, we r so proud of you for ditching your refills, i remember how proud u were of yourself when u flushed some and they stuck to the bowl..lol!! hang in there we are here for you :)

[Jammerson1906]

Tough morning. Husband had an operation, arm reconstruction, so is on state disability. I am unemployed and today, clean, I have to pay bills and try and figure out how we will survive. Tough....times like this, I need the pills to numb. I will just keep praying. So unfair, we have worked soooooo hard our whole lives, my husband has never not had a job, the economy just devestated us. Dont know where to begin....
thank you for checking in....
How are you?

[hiskidd]

Great job canceling the script! Stay encouraged. How are you today?

[Jammerson1906]

Refill cancelled....wow! Had a bit of an anxiety rush...knowing it was done, really done. Told them no more refills. No turning back!
Gizmo- hang on...keep fighting. That is all i can tell you. And keep posting. The people on here can truly help you if you just let them.
I will pray for you...all of you.
Thank you for one more day:))

[gizmo101]

hey there  going through the exact same thing as u, cant even get 2 the middle of day 2 of not using coke. always feeling ashamed of myself but cant stop
really hope u stay positive and never give up
i wish with all my heart u get through this

[dominosarah]

Good job on canceling that refill!!  We are right here for you so keep reaching out to us~~sara

[dedicatedtostop]

ya same here........... I was clean for a year. All it took was 1 to get back here. Took last one today and i am OVER IT FOREVER Take a look at some of my old posts from the first time a year ago... they even motivate me! You can do it!! As i tell myself, Positive attitude and determination!!! Cant is not an option.

[Jammerson1906]

I am printing your poem....so inspiring!!

[Jammerson1906]

I am here, my new friends, i am here.
The poem, was AMAZING!! Thank you so much.
I just keep coming on here and reading...you are holding my hand. I hope you know that. Moment by moment right? I am pulling myself up, slowly, but I swear I am trying!
You have been my angels, i feel truly blessed that you, strangers, have reached out to me at my darkest darkest time and helped me through.
calling in to cancel the refill of 180 norcos....proud of myself. Step 1 right??
thank you...please keep me in your thoughts, as you are all in mine.
You saved a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend today....always know that!

[hiskidd]

Hi :) Can you post and give us an update...please. Hang in there. You will turn a corner any time now. I promise.

[hiskidd]

Great!

[GMcp]

i like that

[dwbson]

A poem for you:



There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

[sudie58]

we can help you, but your posting on someones thread, can you go to top of page and click on "ask a question", thanks .

[Plshelp2011]

Hi I new to the team. I've been using percs and vics for overall pain. Then realized taking over my life. I can't function and tried stopping cold turkey but couldn't stand the pain and overall yucky feeling. Now tapering still feeling yucky. I feel so sorry for my young children and feel like a looser! I want to be me again please help! Suggestions???

[el_em_en_oh]

I can see the headline now: "Drug Addict Commits Suicide"

Wouldn't you rather the headline read: "Woman Lives Until 90 Years Old - Lived Happy Life Of Sobriety"

Do what those above me have said. I can't add anymore except to say, we're all here for you.  Post back and let us know how you're doing.

And toss that letter away.. You don't need that negativity around you. It's almost a declaration of failure, so get rid of it.

Post back.

LMNO

[tgtiffany]

Hey, like everyone else said, don't be so hard on yourself!!!  It's not easy to go clean especially if your life isn't absolutely perfect, because everytime something happens you want to give in.  I'm not an addict but my husband is and he's tried to stop taking pills a million times.  Every time he goes back he feels ashamed and depressed and stupid.  Although he won't admit it to me I see it in his eyes.  At least you realize that you don't want to do it and can admit to those feelings!  You have to think about the positive things instead of how you can't do it.  You CAN do it!!!  It might take some time, but you can.  Remember that.  As for the depression, (hardest reason I think to stop taking them because you get depressed and makes you want to give up) take Valerian root.  I was told to tell my husband that and he started taking it and it really helps him with the anxiety and depression.  Hot baths with epsom salt and just keep telling yourself how free you are going to be when you finally kick them.  Don't dwell on the bad, force yourself to think about the good.  Be proud of yourself for doing this and trying again if you happen to fail.  It's not the end, so don't let it be.  You CAN do it, and you WILL!!!!