I think if all of us on this site got together, we could write a best seller called: "I hate myself." Ha ha. We all know that one, and as you know, no need to do that to yourself. Where does it get you? The other night in a meeting, a woman stood up as a newcomer, she had 2 days clean....she used after 22 YEARS sober.
You are on day one, good. A lots of peeps don't even make it back. So keep going!!
Hey there, don't beat yourself up okay? We are a community here to help and support. I encourage you to talk and tell us about your history so that we can help you more. It's often therapeutic to get it all out. Nobody here is going to judge you okay?