Aa
One year Free and I am still alive!!
-I am an Addict my name is Heather-
I am not writing this to brag, or to show off. Day in and day out I sit on medhelp and I read all the posts of people who are scared and crying out for help, not knowing that life is possible without drugs. I read about how people are detoxing and withdrawing and are scared and feel hopeless and they don’t know what to do or where to turn…if that’s you welcome you’re in the right place, perhaps google sent you here but I believe that is no mistake.
I began this journey a year and a half ago…I went from a 13 or 12 year old kid who cut herself wanting the pain on the inside to somehow come out, and trying medications like Benadryl taking more than I should to smoking pot daily by 15 dropping out of 8th grade, then going back to school and smoking crack and taking opiates daily by 19 (in high school). I was molested when I was 11 or 12 and molested again at 15. Two different men well over the age of 21, the first one related to me. I was also in and out of psych hospitals from 11 to 21.
I couldn’t deal with it and I wanted to fill a hole. I got with a guy when I was 18 and he was always chasing drugs. He was 23 had a car, a job, and knew where to get the good drugs. My mom passed away when I was 21 and by the time I was either 22 or 23 I was a daily methadone user. I had it prescribed and I took other things, I became a dealer and I was also on coke, crack, benzos you name it I did it my DOC was more and on most days I would use in hopes of never waking up…
I watched my dad pass away by 28 and had at least 2 homes a year for ten years always running away from the problem…when the problem was me
By the time I turned 29 I was in an abusive relationship, in a 3 month period I was on Molly almost daily, still on methadone, morphine, benzos, liquor, coke, crack and whatever else I could get…I was working 12 hour shifts after partying all night. My x called me and wanted to kill himself because he saw no way out, I had him baker acted. I started going to church every chance I could not knowing why.
By the 2nd month he tried to die again so he was taken away again, and the 3rd month I found him unresponsive on the floor with almost no blood pressure. I called 911 and they saved him…The ambulance driver said I would die if I stayed and said verbal abuse was abuse. I had 200 in my savings and scheduled myself to work 5 12 hour shifts in a row…
I called the woman’s abuse hotline and found a bed. That night he was released and I packed the car with a few belongings, said a prayer…all I had to do was go to work and show up at the shelter…
I woke up at 3 am with a machete to my neck I was kicked and he stole my phone. He called 911 and scratched himself, the office told me if I didn’t leave the house I would die…
I was arrested and let out that day. I looked at it as a sign it was time to go my account was drained and all my meds gone. I prayed and decided not only to quit street drugs I quit prescribed methadone. That was the scariest thing I ever did. I found med help and started opening up, they checked on me and helped me through some dark sick nights…
After getting clean and staying there for 4 months I was pushed towards aftercare. AA or NA or celebrate recovery…because once again I was left with myself…I stayed clean a total of 7 months and I relapsed. So I followed suggestions, I worked steps got a home group reached out and told my story as many times as I was asked, became vulnerable and did what I had to do to stay clean one day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time. No matter how bad I smelled or tasted it or craved it. Once I say I am an addict using becomes a choice, those of you scared feeling trapped there is a new way of life. There are people who will love you until you can love yourself and today life is amazing. I didn’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle, my best friend has 26 years clean, I pay my own bills on time, I work, and I have a network…
Today I can breathe I was told I would never get free and today I am free. I have a TON of work to do, I am NOT cured I make meetings almost daily sometimes 2-3 times a day, these strangers became family…medhelp you saved my life thank you!!
If I can do it anyone can, if your new or nearly new and you have any questions PM me or just ask…this is possible and no matter how bad life is don’t quit before the miracle…if you have one day, you are a miracle,
We do recover
“I'm not crying out for help, but I am sharing my experience in the hopes that readers will get something out of it. I'm not the one who gets to decide what that is, if anything. I'm just starting the "journey" if you will, so I can't possibly know yet what the "message" of my life really is. I only know what has happened so far, and how I've felt up until this moment. I agree that reading about the pain of others is concerning when they are still hurting and in the same situation as when they wrote about it. But what can you do? You can reach out, ask how you can help and be there to listen. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. You can't love someone who doesn't love themselves enough to take care of themselves and stay out of bad situations. Believe me, I know this.”
― Ashly Lorenzana
I am not writing this to brag, or to show off. Day in and day out I sit on medhelp and I read all the posts of people who are scared and crying out for help, not knowing that life is possible without drugs. I read about how people are detoxing and withdrawing and are scared and feel hopeless and they don’t know what to do or where to turn…if that’s you welcome you’re in the right place, perhaps google sent you here but I believe that is no mistake.
I began this journey a year and a half ago…I went from a 13 or 12 year old kid who cut herself wanting the pain on the inside to somehow come out, and trying medications like Benadryl taking more than I should to smoking pot daily by 15 dropping out of 8th grade, then going back to school and smoking crack and taking opiates daily by 19 (in high school). I was molested when I was 11 or 12 and molested again at 15. Two different men well over the age of 21, the first one related to me. I was also in and out of psych hospitals from 11 to 21.
I couldn’t deal with it and I wanted to fill a hole. I got with a guy when I was 18 and he was always chasing drugs. He was 23 had a car, a job, and knew where to get the good drugs. My mom passed away when I was 21 and by the time I was either 22 or 23 I was a daily methadone user. I had it prescribed and I took other things, I became a dealer and I was also on coke, crack, benzos you name it I did it my DOC was more and on most days I would use in hopes of never waking up…
I watched my dad pass away by 28 and had at least 2 homes a year for ten years always running away from the problem…when the problem was me
By the time I turned 29 I was in an abusive relationship, in a 3 month period I was on Molly almost daily, still on methadone, morphine, benzos, liquor, coke, crack and whatever else I could get…I was working 12 hour shifts after partying all night. My x called me and wanted to kill himself because he saw no way out, I had him baker acted. I started going to church every chance I could not knowing why.
By the 2nd month he tried to die again so he was taken away again, and the 3rd month I found him unresponsive on the floor with almost no blood pressure. I called 911 and they saved him…The ambulance driver said I would die if I stayed and said verbal abuse was abuse. I had 200 in my savings and scheduled myself to work 5 12 hour shifts in a row…
I called the woman’s abuse hotline and found a bed. That night he was released and I packed the car with a few belongings, said a prayer…all I had to do was go to work and show up at the shelter…
I woke up at 3 am with a machete to my neck I was kicked and he stole my phone. He called 911 and scratched himself, the office told me if I didn’t leave the house I would die…
I was arrested and let out that day. I looked at it as a sign it was time to go my account was drained and all my meds gone. I prayed and decided not only to quit street drugs I quit prescribed methadone. That was the scariest thing I ever did. I found med help and started opening up, they checked on me and helped me through some dark sick nights…
After getting clean and staying there for 4 months I was pushed towards aftercare. AA or NA or celebrate recovery…because once again I was left with myself…I stayed clean a total of 7 months and I relapsed. So I followed suggestions, I worked steps got a home group reached out and told my story as many times as I was asked, became vulnerable and did what I had to do to stay clean one day at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time. No matter how bad I smelled or tasted it or craved it. Once I say I am an addict using becomes a choice, those of you scared feeling trapped there is a new way of life. There are people who will love you until you can love yourself and today life is amazing. I didn’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle, my best friend has 26 years clean, I pay my own bills on time, I work, and I have a network…
Today I can breathe I was told I would never get free and today I am free. I have a TON of work to do, I am NOT cured I make meetings almost daily sometimes 2-3 times a day, these strangers became family…medhelp you saved my life thank you!!
If I can do it anyone can, if your new or nearly new and you have any questions PM me or just ask…this is possible and no matter how bad life is don’t quit before the miracle…if you have one day, you are a miracle,
We do recover
“I'm not crying out for help, but I am sharing my experience in the hopes that readers will get something out of it. I'm not the one who gets to decide what that is, if anything. I'm just starting the "journey" if you will, so I can't possibly know yet what the "message" of my life really is. I only know what has happened so far, and how I've felt up until this moment. I agree that reading about the pain of others is concerning when they are still hurting and in the same situation as when they wrote about it. But what can you do? You can reach out, ask how you can help and be there to listen. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. You can't love someone who doesn't love themselves enough to take care of themselves and stay out of bad situations. Believe me, I know this.”
― Ashly Lorenzana
stay clean today thats all we have and eventually they add up, but all we have is today..this moment
are you in after care?
are you in after care?
Your story is almost a Mirror image to mine!! Congrats on a whole year!! Your such an inspiration I am on day 23 clean from vicoden.hoping one day I can be against a year congrats again hun your a strong individual
That was an amazing post.Congratulations girl.You have obviously worked so hard.Im glad you took the time to write this to give hope to the people who are just coming here to start the process and for those who are trying to get to where u r.
☺☺☺HUGE congrats, Heather! You are blooming where you're planted and it's been such a delight to watch you keep your face to the sun.....no matter what!!! ONE WHOLE YEAR is a big deal.....keep shining babe!!
Dang Heather, I have been feeling very blah about life lately even while doing all the work, commitments, meetings etc. Life on life's terms isn't always a cake walk. HOWEVER, reading your post reminded me that things can always get better if we are clean. You painted a very vivid picture. Hey, forget bragging, you deserve to shout it from the rooftops...ONE YEAR!!!
So great, congrats. Enjoy getting your cake and chip!!!:)
So great, congrats. Enjoy getting your cake and chip!!!:)
Great Post. It's not bragging Heather. This what we do. Wow, what an inspiration. Congratulations....ike
Brag away honey. This is a milestone and I am so very, very proud to call your friend. Keep doing what you are doing. It suits you.......
COMMUNITY LEADER
Congragulations to you and all of your hard work. After reading above...you have truly come from the pits of hell...and all I can do is stand in awe! Damn good job. I keep telling myself, it's not a race....it's a journey.
my friend just relapsed bad has a broken hand and a dui
I will tell you what I told him
First off welcome back your not dead for a reason, and after losing several people lately to this disease that is always a possiblilty
second of all what do you have planned for after care? are you making meetings working steps and do you have a sponsor?
are you sharing all your secrets with someone
because they keep us sick..
oh and the last thing once you admit your an addict using becomes a choice...just dont get high today no matter what
you can do this! one day is a miracle
I will tell you what I told him
First off welcome back your not dead for a reason, and after losing several people lately to this disease that is always a possiblilty
second of all what do you have planned for after care? are you making meetings working steps and do you have a sponsor?
are you sharing all your secrets with someone
because they keep us sick..
oh and the last thing once you admit your an addict using becomes a choice...just dont get high today no matter what
you can do this! one day is a miracle
Dynamite post!
I'm looking for encouragement. I relapsed after being clean for over a year. Feeling so trapped and dejected, but your post was really refreshing. Keep up the great work!
I'm looking for encouragement. I relapsed after being clean for over a year. Feeling so trapped and dejected, but your post was really refreshing. Keep up the great work!
Wow!! Congrats on a whole year! I have a feeling this post will inspire many who are struggling, way to go!!! Feel proud and keep on going strong. ;) ~Sherry
you were one of the many who helped me thanks
oh and my name is heather that quote was by ashly lol
thanks for being part of my life and story
oh and my name is heather that quote was by ashly lol
thanks for being part of my life and story
Hey Ashly what a insperationel post you have overcome mountains it is life on lifes terms even when it s ucks your a methadone survivor many fail but you made it out of the pit a big congrats on a yr clean keep doing what your doing aftercare is critical to long term recovery I am like you I hit at least 3 meetings a week have a service commitment every other week and never forgot how hopeless it was wile in active addiction for all those reading this just know it is so so worth it..........Gnarly
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