Only way to save myself......

[steve_rtr]

I've tried a little bit of every type of detox program with the exception of opiate blockers and nothing has ever worked for me.......I think I made it a month after my outpatient 2 week daycamp (daycare if u ask me) but the mental grip opiates had on my feeling of well being never loosened. In the last 10 years the only clean time I've had was while I was active duty military. There is something about Uncle Sam that always seemed to keep me straight. I plan to start detox from opiates in about two weeks....give or take a week......and I smoked pot 4 the last time last night ( my friends threw me a "Last Dance With Mary Jane" party). I don't know how many addicts there are in the military but when I was in before it wasn't a prevalent problem. I want to fast track as much as possible on the mental side of things without anti-depressants.........physically I'm not worried about detox I've done it willingly and unwillingly so many times that I know it can be dealt with.........its just the feeling of well being that all opiates give me that I crave constantly. How do you deal with life without a crutch??? Has anyone ever joined the military just to beat an addiction??? How did it go 4 u??? Suggestions please...........................

[steve_rtr]

If I have to white knuckle for awhile thats to be expected. The eventual goal is to be comfortable in my own skin right??? Recovery has to start somewhere and the somewhere is abstinence..............am I right??

[IBKleen]

"Abstaining from drugs is not the same thing as recovery". WOW...that was good!!!! Listen to the man Steve.

[david0263]

I spent 15 years on active duty.  I was an addict when I went in and an addict when I came out.  I too was scared of the random drug testing and early on got caught twice.  That was before they became so strict.  I used every once in a while but my drug of choice became alcohol.  Not really different from any thing else but it's legal so as long as you stay out of trouble it was not a problem.  Staying out of trouble was the hard part.  When I left the military in 1996 I went straight to the drugs.  I could not wait to be out from under drug testing.  The only person who can keep you clean is you, not the military or anyone else.  Abstaining from drugs is not the same thing as recovery as I have found out many times.  If you don't work on the reasons you use the you are bound to use again.

David

[steve_rtr]

Hmmmmmm..........you make a great point as far as the lack of forgiveness that the Army has today and I have thought about that considerably. I don't really worry about relapse once I go back. Hell I can't sit and worry about relapse regardless..........if I go ito recovery with relapse worry than that really will set up self defeat. I will always have a drug dependency problem its just a matter of whether its an active dependcy or not. I totally accept that I'm a full blown addict and always will be its just the strength to stay off that I need. In the civilian world it would be a hell of a lot easier for me to justify a slip here and there without the threat of random drug tests...............I can see it now.....1 joint won't kill me.............my knee hurts I'll ask my wife for an Oxy.........if I know that one slip could cost me not only my job but my freedom I think I might make my decisons a little better than I have before! This will be the first time I've ever set a quit date followed thru and had a plan to go along with it professionally. I guess the fact that I know I'll always be an addict no matter what I'm doing or where I'm at is making a little bit easier to cross the street without fear of being hit by a truck.....that was not literal of course!!! Thanks for the knowledge man!

[RebelsHubby]

Hi Steve, let me first say, "been there, done that, got a t-shirt".  I have been battling demonsmost of my adult life; after high school I got into Cocaine, after ~5 years quit to join the service.  Got an Article 15 for smoking pot, with just 10 months active service.  I was lucky; it was 22 years ago and I had a solid group of people I reported to.  I ended up winning some big awards.  They helped get me to where I wanted to be.  I was accepted to be a member of the USAF Thunderbirds and was a part of the maintence team from 12/88 to 2/1992 even becoming an Assistant crew chief (I was one of the guys on the ground, helping the pilot into the cockpit) I had my name on the side of the canopy.  I was on top of the world.  I could also drink like a fish, fringe benefit of the job.  
Fast forward to 1/97.

Then I had a car accident, 16 months later am kicked out of the AF for unsatisfactory performance.
I had 13 ribbons with 21 total awards.  Needless to say I was a bit disgruntled.  Years later, and after much research by my wife and I, we found that I was suffering from a possible TBI and had most of the symptoms of PTSD.  30 months after the accident I voluntarily quit a heavy usage of Darvocet, I have spine surgery a month later, they fuse c5-c6-c7 vertibrae into one Mega vertibrae.
The surgeon did a great job, only about a 10% loss of motion.  I had also slipped back into using Pot, it caused it's own problems.  I ended up getting into a great carreer as a Structural Inspector, made great money, very easy and fun work.  
Fast forward to 11/2005,

Another car accident, this time hurting my middle back, get me going on lortab... enough said.
Fast forward to 10 days ago,

I take my last lortabs at around 7pm and start the journey back to reality.
Here we are today, almost ten days clean.

Steve, before you join think of this; todays military is not as forgiving, if you join with a drug dependancy problem and don't disclose it and they discover you have it, not only will they give you the boot, but can prosicute you under the UCMJ.  That could mean Prison time.
Yes the military is in need of people right now, having to maintain W's Crusade on terror.  No, the military is not in the habit of adopting soldiers problems.
Just remember, You are the solution to your problems.  The military is not a solution, mearly a way to bury or ignore the problem.  If you don't handle addiction on your terms, by YOU, when you are ready, it will still be there, regardless of the environment.

[steve_rtr]

LOL!!! Yessir!