Aa
Sunday 9am
So, life an hour at a time.
Trying to think in terms of living without Opiates and this is the best advice I have heard to date.
xxx
Still, I think....not today.
Or....maybe today, yes....but not forever (don't ask me for forever)
Ahhhhhh, perhaps for an hour.
How wonderfully simple.
Thank you.
Trying to think in terms of living without Opiates and this is the best advice I have heard to date.
xxx
Still, I think....not today.
Or....maybe today, yes....but not forever (don't ask me for forever)
Ahhhhhh, perhaps for an hour.
How wonderfully simple.
Thank you.
adam what advice? not everyone is mentally ruined...i hope. maybe i'm not either. how will i know unless i face it and try?
having to take medication to cope with life as it pretatins too you is completly acceptable in my book. maybe we are worse off with out the pills, that why the first time getting high was like opening up to the world.
that is the the worst advice i have ever heard. if that was all it took to stay off of opiates than noone would be on it . no offense, but really, kicking is one of the hardest things anyone can do. enigmatic axioms can be more off-setting than the withdrawls themselves. the majority of us have issues deeper than depondency alone. which might be the reason for the high rate of relapse. i feel i have exacerbated my mental issues with the addiction to opiates, and am for ever condemed to meds, but finding a healthy balance that doesnt land me in prison or scouring the filthy streets of our inner-cities.
My biggest fear?
hmmmm, seems like there are so many.
biggest?
that the pills have taken over my personality and there will be nothing left of me when I stop.
I will be unloveable, unlikeable, unable to support myself, unable to talk to people.....so in essence, I am nothing without you (pill)
hmmmm, seems like there are so many.
biggest?
that the pills have taken over my personality and there will be nothing left of me when I stop.
I will be unloveable, unlikeable, unable to support myself, unable to talk to people.....so in essence, I am nothing without you (pill)
Oh Bama I like the challenge. 90 days is kind of long. If I could get thru 90 days I see no point in starting up again....Even I know that!
I did use today. A little later than usual but like every other day...I used.
I would like to take the challenge for 1 week. With 1 week under my belt I could probably keep going. I could see if life is as unbearable as I suppose it would be.
I'll wager one week.
But.....when. It never seems like a good time.
I'll think about starting tomorow.
But....gosh, I do have to work.
One hour at a time....mantra. One hour at a time.
I did use today. A little later than usual but like every other day...I used.
I would like to take the challenge for 1 week. With 1 week under my belt I could probably keep going. I could see if life is as unbearable as I suppose it would be.
I'll wager one week.
But.....when. It never seems like a good time.
I'll think about starting tomorow.
But....gosh, I do have to work.
One hour at a time....mantra. One hour at a time.
may i ask you a hard question? what's your biggest fear?
do you want to take a bama challenge?
this is what i did. what i said....
i know i can get pills any time i want. so i will try no pills for 90 days. if i don't like the way i feel i can always go back. im not saying forever. nope. cause i knew i had to have another surgery. i have one more. another knee replacement. so i cant say forever. but i wanted to try 90 days. and then bam another surgery. but because i had 90 days clean...and i love life sober. i flushed the remaining percs down the toilet today....and i have therapy starting Monday...talk about stupid huh? funny thing about pain and pills. those pill make us hurt more. now motion and ice give me relief. go figure. i know i know you don't believe me. i didst believe anyone in the beginning either.
do you want to take a bama challenge?
this is what i did. what i said....
i know i can get pills any time i want. so i will try no pills for 90 days. if i don't like the way i feel i can always go back. im not saying forever. nope. cause i knew i had to have another surgery. i have one more. another knee replacement. so i cant say forever. but i wanted to try 90 days. and then bam another surgery. but because i had 90 days clean...and i love life sober. i flushed the remaining percs down the toilet today....and i have therapy starting Monday...talk about stupid huh? funny thing about pain and pills. those pill make us hurt more. now motion and ice give me relief. go figure. i know i know you don't believe me. i didst believe anyone in the beginning either.
you made me laugh...why would you feel like we wouldn't talk to you? think of this place as a safe place to openly talk about pills...everything about them. sometimes we don't agree with one another. sometimes we get passionate about our arguments. but we are a support group. and we welcome anyone who wants needs help. it doesn't matter if your using..detoxing...or clean.
now that being said. it sounds like your pills are a security blanket...rember Linus from the peanuts?
we all have done that. or me anyways. i always need my pills to get me thru. so i can totally relate....did you take any pills ? its ok if you did. and its ok if you don't want to say.
addiction is a tricky disease. our mind plays tricks on us. our bodies and mind scream at us for our next fix. it took me over a year of wrestling with the thought i could manage the unmanageable....i wanted to use my feel goods forever. i did. ioved buzzing around thu life. just call me a bumble bee. so i get it...there's no shame in that thought. we've all had them. or at least me. and when i thought of not using forever. well huge huge huge panic attacks. so i started saying not today. sometimes i have to say not this minute. i am only clean 90 days. well not technical clean. i had surgery this last Monday on the 13th and had surgery and needed pain medicine. i stopped on Thursday for fear of pills. so don't worry....your in good company and we want you with us.
now that being said. it sounds like your pills are a security blanket...rember Linus from the peanuts?
we all have done that. or me anyways. i always need my pills to get me thru. so i can totally relate....did you take any pills ? its ok if you did. and its ok if you don't want to say.
addiction is a tricky disease. our mind plays tricks on us. our bodies and mind scream at us for our next fix. it took me over a year of wrestling with the thought i could manage the unmanageable....i wanted to use my feel goods forever. i did. ioved buzzing around thu life. just call me a bumble bee. so i get it...there's no shame in that thought. we've all had them. or at least me. and when i thought of not using forever. well huge huge huge panic attacks. so i started saying not today. sometimes i have to say not this minute. i am only clean 90 days. well not technical clean. i had surgery this last Monday on the 13th and had surgery and needed pain medicine. i stopped on Thursday for fear of pills. so don't worry....your in good company and we want you with us.
I'm back home now. Just walked in, grabbed a bite to eat and came right here to this place.
I actually left work to come BACK home because I FORGOT my pills and did not want to suffer thru the day without knowing I at least did have them.
Days like this annoy me. It was 1pm and I had been so busy I just did'nt have time (or dire desire) to take them.....yet soon as I had a minute I went for it. Did'nt absolutely HAVE to....just did it anyway.
Feel somewhat relieved that I did'nt feel like I absolutely HAD TO. It has been I don't know how many years since I did NOT use. Let's say 4. And before that....2.5 years off. Before that about 3 or 4 years on. None of that really matters.
Glad you don't want to kick me off since I'm not house broken yet.
I actually left work to come BACK home because I FORGOT my pills and did not want to suffer thru the day without knowing I at least did have them.
Days like this annoy me. It was 1pm and I had been so busy I just did'nt have time (or dire desire) to take them.....yet soon as I had a minute I went for it. Did'nt absolutely HAVE to....just did it anyway.
Feel somewhat relieved that I did'nt feel like I absolutely HAD TO. It has been I don't know how many years since I did NOT use. Let's say 4. And before that....2.5 years off. Before that about 3 or 4 years on. None of that really matters.
Glad you don't want to kick me off since I'm not house broken yet.
Hey there...just wanted to let you know that we're always here for you. And no,nobody is going to kick you off the forum.We're here to give support no matter what stage you're in. Like I told you...hour by hour for now. Stay strong...you CAN do this!!! I too,was a hairdresser for over 20 years. In that line of work it's easy to become distracted from our goal of sobriety. Living life clean is scary to think about. But it becomes so easy and natural after awhile. Choosing to use takes a conscious effort. So does choosing to NOT use. Hour by hour... Message me when you can ok? Be strong!!!
Bama's got that mother instinct and she's always right on... Soready...let me just say this to you...when you are ready... We will be here for you!
please come back later. we always want more peole to join us.....im proud of you for talking...taking that first step is so so hard. so even if you don't thank so...im proud of you. gold stars for you...your friend bama...if you want to talk send me a private message. ok. im on here alot. this place saved my life.
read your first post from last night. i left ya my story...and i found this place with pills...i understand your fear...do you have cronic pain problems
We do not have the authority nor the wish to kick anyone out of here.
At least your being honest and as for your question of are you unusual in this way? not at all for someone who has not been down this road and back and then back again to seeif the road may have changed for some reason.
Something is obviously bringing you here though.Get in touch with that.we are here for you ,and us too you help whether you know it or not
At least your being honest and as for your question of are you unusual in this way? not at all for someone who has not been down this road and back and then back again to seeif the road may have changed for some reason.
Something is obviously bringing you here though.Get in touch with that.we are here for you ,and us too you help whether you know it or not
Oh yes, I read everything before my first post.
The long ones are hard to read....my attention span won't allow.
I have to go to work now. I do hair in my salon. Lets see how that goes while I hold out----one hour at a time.
The long ones are hard to read....my attention span won't allow.
I have to go to work now. I do hair in my salon. Lets see how that goes while I hold out----one hour at a time.
you better stay with us. i remember those days. i battle everyday...now your making me crave lol....your ready...yep.
please stay and talk. even if you use. we don't judge. we support. nothing more...were just a bunch of addicts. some are using others detoxing..some visit..bit its all good your exactly where you need to be. do you read other posts
please stay and talk. even if you use. we don't judge. we support. nothing more...were just a bunch of addicts. some are using others detoxing..some visit..bit its all good your exactly where you need to be. do you read other posts
Yes France...I do have pills now. I have not yet quit or committed. I was just surfing around last night and found you. I am torn, I am confused.
I am ... afraid.
I am ... afraid.
And of course when I pop everything falls right into place and seems somehow doable.
Are you gonna throw me off?
Am I not ready enuf to be here yet?
I have not used yet today
Are you gonna throw me off?
Am I not ready enuf to be here yet?
I have not used yet today
Do you have pills right now? Cuz to me .... I have had no cravings at all but in those few stressful situations in the past 5 weeks if I did have one in my pocket.... Oooh la la...!
Bama I am running away from life as sober person. It is just so....unrelenting!!!!
Why do I sit on the fence? Hmmmm, becuase I still think I can control this and it won't get worse and I do love the high (altho the crash *****) and, and, and....
Am I unusual in this way?
Am I unusual in this way?
what are you running away from? it will be there wanting for you.
because you already do want to grab a pill.Hearing the words just puts it at the top of your mind. Hang in there.It will get better if you do Promise!
it sounds to me if you are justifying you addiction. i think you want to try to manage the unmanageable....what makes you think that your different than me? do you think you can beat addiction ?
im sorry if that came off harsh. it is what it is...unfortunately...when we lost control over our pills we changed our thinking forever. its how opiates are. i wished a thousand times i would have stopped at loratabs or norcos...but i wanted to see what all the hype was about oxy. well dear friend the hype is overated.....i almost lost my soul. one or a thousand pills is never enough as someone told me. talk to me about what your really feeling....why and what is making you sit on rhe fence?
im sorry if that came off harsh. it is what it is...unfortunately...when we lost control over our pills we changed our thinking forever. its how opiates are. i wished a thousand times i would have stopped at loratabs or norcos...but i wanted to see what all the hype was about oxy. well dear friend the hype is overated.....i almost lost my soul. one or a thousand pills is never enough as someone told me. talk to me about what your really feeling....why and what is making you sit on rhe fence?
hmmmmm, why does hearing the words 'get high today' as in 'I won't get high today' make me want to go grab a pill?
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