Outpatient Detox cut short!

I had been clean for 21 days and gave in to temptation.  I went to a new PCP yesterday and came clean.  Long story short, I ended up at the emergency room last night for an outpatient detox program.  Seemed like it was really going to help with the withdrawals.  Went this morning and was told that I make too much money and they don't accept my insurance.  I talked with a wonderful nurse who had me sign a release for her to call my Pain doctor and let them know that I don't want anymore pain medications.  I am glad that this is going to happen, this was my last contact.  Now I am going to detox at home...for the second time.  I am ready for this again, but feel really  pissed at myself for gettnig into this position again!

[sportbikerguy]

That was me last Sunday, at the hospital at the Chemical Dependency Program and was completely honest.  I'm sure glad they had tissues handy!  You signing that consent was a very smart move, you know that.  I don't profess to be an expert on the issue and truth be told, it was somewhat uncomfortable the first few days.  Personally for me, I don't like counting the days, it just reminds me where I was.  What I like to focus on is where I'm going and where I'll be.

Some nurses are wonderful people, very compassionate.  They do understand, they've seen many people in our situation.  I don't see them for a check up until tomorrow, but they told me to stop on by if I just wanted to talk, I thought that was pretty cool.

Very glad to hear that you're ready again, and being pissed about it is probably a good thing, because you know it's wrong.   I told someone else on this board that if I had a time machine, she'd be welcome to join me on it.  Jebs, you're welcome too.  I must forewarn you though, it's a one-seater.  I told her that I'd have to tie her to the roof, so that means you'll need to hang onto the hood.

One thing my counselor suggested though, is that even though your doctor knows not to prescribe meds, it's best to contact the pharmacy to make a note there too.  

Wishing you all the best, it will get better in a short amount of time.   Think of what you can do without having to rely on these stupid addictive pills.

Mark

[joyagain]

congratulations jebs317 on cutting ties with your last doc.  big step.  I have not come clean yet, I have a plan, but won't run out of pills until about tuesday next week.  I won't thow them away.  I addressed this to sportibicerguy because I love the last thing you said about "think of what you can do without having to rely on these stupid addictive pills". I do want to be there, but I am not looking forward to running out.  Today seems to be especially hard with that thought.  I need to call my doc and tell her not to fulfill my last scrip which I could get on the 27th of this month.  When I talk to my husband and see things for what they are or get on this site, I am encouraged again to do the right thing.  I can't believe how I've gotten myself like this.  Jebs13, be happy that you are not tied to any pills. Good luck to you!!  It is only up from here!!!

[Jebs317]

Thanks for the kind words.  I needed to hear them.  This is my third time around.....maybe "third time's a charm" is for me.  I feel horrible right now.  Not so much physical, but the mental part is getting to me bad!!  I am so mad at myself that I took just 2 prescriptions (180) and now I'm back to this hell again.  I kept taking them and saying, just use the energy to get things caught up and get ahead.  I just feel worthless right now.  I know it will pass and that I am feeling this because my body is craving them.  I can't believe the hold they have over me (all of us!).  My son is at his dad's til Sunday...so it's me, the 6 month old puppy and the couch for two days.  I'm glad I can shut the door and the blinds and do this one last time.  The medicine they gave me is helping a little...but I don't mind hurting.  It reminds me that I don't want to be back here again.  
I just called the pharmacy and he said my records will now be "red flagged" not to give me anything narcotic or addictive.  If I am going to do this, I might as well do it right!  
Sport:  You are so funny about the car!  I will hang on....it may feel good.
Joy:  You will be ready when you are ready.  Maybe it will be like me, when you run out.  But at least you are starting to think about ending it.  Listen to husband and be so thankful that you have someone supportive in your corner.  That is the hardest part for me....I feel really alone in this!  That is why it's so important for me to be on here..it helps so much.

[sportbikerguy]

I don't think anyone here ever looked forward to cancelling a script, it's difficult, but probably the best decision you can make.   As I've said in previous posts, I don't profess to be an expert, but I have been there, I am there, and looking back, cancelling the script was the best thing I could do.  What I would suggest to you joyagain, call the doctor now and demand an appointment now.  Be very honest with them, they will understand and they will help if you tell the truth.  I used to be a great liar when it came to refills and on the way to the doctors I always used to think of the best excuses I could use before I got there, trying to remember which lies I used the last time (some doctors keep notes of this, especially Kaiser -- they refer to them as "encounters." They note everything.  Getting your prescriptions early can make them be put on a "soft hold" which means they won't dispense until the real refill date (see, I did work the system).

I always had a plan, my plans never worked, it was just my brain trying to rationalize my behavior.  There ARE meds to help with the withdrawals and they do work pretty good, hot baths work wonders too!

joyagain, please call and ask for help now.  You know what's going to happen when that time comes for more pills, do something about it now.  Be strong, be the person you WANT to be.  The chemicals in those pills alter your mind and make you say and do some of the craziest of stuff.   YOU control your life, YOU want a better life.

Please do keep us updated and just remember that it's your life and you can control it.

Mark