hello to you all

[fpscared]

I posted this question in the living with an addict forum as well but I thought maybe someone over here would be able to give me a little more insight. I have recently been seeing signs of a possible relapse in my BF and I am wondering if I can use pee from the toilet to drug test him with out him knowing. Does this work?

[fpscared]

thank you I have been using this site for a while now and I always get so much support here. I left for about a month but came back today and I am just overwhelmed with the amount of positive support all of you have givin me today. so THANK YOU it means so much to have a place to vent and get questions answered. I don't have a computer at home so I will be off for the weekend but come monday I will be back. Thanks to you all you are all strong wonderful people.

[IBKleen]

The problem with him taking the Subutex from a "friend" and the problem with him not being open to professional help says that he does not realize he has a problem, for one, and two..he thinks he can do this by himself. He is sadly mistaken.

You cannot force him to get clean and you cannot get clean for him. All you can do is help yourself. I pray that you do that.

[VICourageous]

Your meeting would be the Alanon. The meetings for ones who have to live with Addicts.
I sure wish he would not play with the Subs off the Streets..This is not going to be good. Look up all you can on Subs..OK

[fpscared]

sadly no I have not been able to get him to go to treatment he refuses to get professional help for fear of "putting his name in the system" which I don't understand. He got the subutex from a friend and I figured at least he was trying I have been reading alot of info and have been talking with my dr. About handling my own personal issues with his addiction but I have decided against the aa meetings. I know that they would probably help but I don't think I would be comfortable in that type of a setting. he was clean for almost a month this time and then everything kind of happened one thing after another which I think triggered his relapse.

[VICourageous]

Hi Girl..It been awhile..I just want to know how you are..This is sad but this diseases takes so much work..Did he ever stay at the treatment for awhile or did he come home early??? Has he continued to seek Support? If he does not then he might think he can dapple here and there. It does not work like that..I sure am very concerned about you..Have you gone to those meetings we suggested??
Bless
PS If he is on Subs is this under a DR care??

[fpscared]

as always thanks for your time and wisdom. You are such a great help

[weaver71]

Varied dosage of Subutex can cause opiate symptoms, it is an opioid. I found it gave me energy and blocked my emotions, but the euphoria and nodding we're not part of the sub experience for me. As I mentioned, Subutex can be snorted or used iv. We are not sure how he used his H, but he could be abusing subs and that is dangerous. Subs won't kill him, but if he uses enough other opiate to feel it, it could kill him from OD. Subs are stronger than Heroin, but you can't feel them the same. See if he will take his sub dose in front of you. He should want it first thing in the morning. It's hard to wake up without it.

[fpscared]

oh and can subutex make you appear high?

[fpscared]

again thanks to you all. I am goingot start really watching his behavior this weekend to make sure I am right. I noticed that sometimes I won't see any signs that he has used other than his pupils being beady. Is that a for sure sign that he has used?

[justtbe1]

Yea, you can test his pee from the toilet.  Try to get the morning pee.  Thats going to have the most concentration of drugs in it.  It's not a 100% thing because the water in the toilet will dilute it but if hes hot it should test.  The temperature is mainly just to make sure it's fresh out of the body.

[atthebeach]

Hun I know I lived it for toooo many years, more than I want to admit too.
I wish I had found medhelp or alanon about 16 years ago.
I can't stress enough to you to take care of you. This can and will make you so sick physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Counseling, alanon, church, exercise, new hobbies. Live your life and don't focus on his addiction. If that means leaving for now and for an extended period of time, then do it. My husband and I were separated for one year before he decided he wanted to get and stay clean.
Much love and prayers,
Debbie

[fpscared]

Thank you all I know what I need to do. It just *****. There isn't any way to describe it other than that. It flat out *****. I love him and he was doing so good now its back to square one. Thanks you all for your input

[atthebeach]

You are not paranoid. He broke trust and he needs to earn it back.
That doesn't happen in a week or a month. It takes years. He should want to prove he is clean.
When my husband started his recovery almost 4 years ago he relinquished all access to money to me. Still to this day he accounts for almost every penny. That is one way he is being accountable.
He should want to answer all your questions and concerns without being defensive. He needs to understand he is the one who has to do this. Continuing to shift blame and make you think you are at fault is not good.

[HappyDays2Come]

You have the right to be suspicious and you have the right to ask him to do whatever it takes until he gains your trust back. This includes taking a drug test if you ask him to. What does he have to hide? If it's clean, then great, your trust for him is built up and you can continue to move forward. If it's not clean then you need to reevaluate this relationship.

[fpscared]

I know I was just hoping that I could do the drug test with out him knowing. I guess I knew what the result would be but its so hard not knowing for sure when you want to believe the best in someone. thanks

[weaver71]

If he isn't willing to prove the truth, he's lying. He owes you that much, after all the lies. Why wouldn't he put you at ease if he can? He can't. I hate to say it, but he is playing games and that is proof enough that he is using. I would have responded just like him back when using, today I'd laugh And say, 'let's do it.' It is a small favor to ask, but he is saying you should trust him. Why? What makes him deserve that right? I am sorry, but I think he needs to get some outside help.

[fpscared]

he swears he is not using again and I want to believe him but I am just keep thinking of all the lies he has told me before and why would this time be any different. He said he can pass a drug test but he refuses to take one saying I should trust him and if I cant trust him that its my problem he said I have made myself crazy and I am paranoid.

[atthebeach]

Recovery is a process. Him being defensive, short money, leaving the house, his appearance are not good signs.
Is he working a recovery program? Meetings, counseling, exercising, stay away from the people and places, he should want to be accountable to you for his time and money if he is serious about his recovery.
I am glad you see you posting. How are you doing? Are you working a recovery program? Remember we need healing and restoration, take care of you.
The urine will be too diluted. It won't work.

[fpscared]

I brought it up a few days ago and he got really angry and I was like whoa why are you being so defensive. He then said the usual things I can't believe you think that after everything I went through to get clean why would I go back again. last week he was short on money for the first time in about a month. I don't know the tired look in his face his pupils are small kind of sunk back in the sockets. Making random trips out of the house to go around the block or down the street. I don't know if I am just paranoid or if I am looking for reasons

[HappyDays2Come]

I don't know the answer to your question but I'm going to guess the answer is "no." I think that temperature matters and when it's mixed with cold toilet water the temp is obviously affected.

What signs are you seeing that make you think he's relapsing? Have you tried asking him about it?