No matter what you are going to be sick but it is just temporary. There is no easy way out There is nothing glamorous about addiction. Put your energy into getting clean. You are worth this fight!
I'm glad to see you post though.....alot of us try and fail, try and fail, try and fail. You will just have to try again. You need a plan.....do you have all of the vitamins and goods necessary to complete the detox process? Good multivitamin high in magnesium, potassium, etc..., epsom salts (for bathes to help with aches and pains), Motrin, Vitamin B12, Amino Acids ( I got mine from food but i see you can buy it in pill form), Immodium (for the bathroom issues), gatorade, protein shakes. Make a plan to be down for 5/6 days!!!! Do not attempt to do this while going to work as 99% of the time, we fail! Do you have someone to hold you accountable...someone who knows what's going on that can help you through this? I used tight *** diabetic socks at night b/c of the leg cramps (ugly as sin but they do work!). I listened to music...alot of music! I bought a meditation CD that was extremely helpful, believe it or not. There are lots of things we've all done to get through this period. You have to be ok with not being ok for a little while.....you won't stay like that, I promise.
My suggestion would be to throw the subutex away....no more heroin.....it's time to decide weather you want to continue your life like this or not? You don't need the subutex....it's a false sense of security that will be something ELSE you will have to come off of. How far down do you want to go?
Not judging....your stuck in a cycle and sometimes a slap in the face is what we need when we're stuck in our obsessions.....keep posting!!!!
There is Nothing you can not accomplish Once you set your mind to it. One day you are going to be so sick and tired of being sick and tired You will fight to get your life back. No matter the pain no matter the emotional upheaval. There comes a point where you feel in your gut if you do not make the change at whatever cost it will end costing your life. I came so close to loosing it all.. I will be sending a Prayer for you Bonnie that you beat this before it beats you.. Never give up! lesa