looking for advice

[justwant_US_back]

I am new here not sure if i am writing in the right group forum but i need some help advice. I feel so lost and useless right now. Let me tell you my story.
I started dating Bill  5 years ago. i knew he had taken drugs before and spent time in prison for stealing to support his habit. When we first got together he was on the methadone program and doing it right. We were so happy with each other completely in love things moved pretty quickly to me staying a night every night to us moving in together i had found my future husband. six months into the relationship  he would be so wound up hardly ever sleeping for three four days...i knew something was up...i found adderall in his dresser hid in an altoids tin..his excuse methadone makes me so tired i have to have something for energy. i was pissed but what could i do he swore the drugs were done...they never were. we have battled this for 5 years...he has me in so much debt cause he would go write checks for adderall or extra methadone and i would have to go get small loans to cover the bank. He would do good for a few days to maybe a month then the cycle would start over...he would swear to me that its over till the next time.. I LOVE THIS MAN WITH ALL MY HEART. he is good to me but the lies drugs and secrets are tearing us apart. Last summer i found out he was experimenting with meth..this lasted a few months but not before he blew my income taxes.... the meth is no longer in the picture thank god just the methadone clinic (which i do support him in that) and the adderall. I have tried and fought so hard for our relationship We fight because i get pissed when i can tell he has been taking adderall...i know he loves me but he loves his drugs more...i just dont know what to do or say to help him and help us...i want the man back i fell in love with the one i wanred to marry and have a family with..please any advice

[VICourageous]

Hi
I think them meetings would do you justice. Also we have a community here called, Living with a Addict. You will pick up tons of info from those who are in the same boat as you. We also have us Addicts come over there and let the posters know how cunning we can be. We do not think anyone can tell we are high and so forth. Many different things you can find out.

What I do not understand, is that most Addiction Dr or those clinic make you do some kind of meetings or some kind of Support groups. They also check your urine to make sure you have no illegal drugs in you. Most will not even prescribe Methadone with a Benzo either.

I too went from hydo/oxys to Methadone for pain. My Methadone and Benzo were prescribed by my regular Dr.. After I had my surgery, there was no more reason to have the Dones. We did a small taper and that is when I would go out on the streets and bye Adderral. I would take the Add and Dones and snort them together. It was like my old Crank days back in the 70-80s. I did this to make my Dones stretch out further. Went c/t back in 2012 and it was one of the worse w/ds I have ever experienced. I hope he does not think he will not w/d from the Adderral because he will. This is a Bad med and should not be mixed at all. All these meds will hit the Brain Chems and whacked it all out. This is the Mental part that takes time to bounce back and fire up.

Does he want to come clean?? If he went to a clinic, then he must have had another DOC he was hooked on. That was one step forward but it ended up backfiring on him. He needs to work a Program. There are new comfort meds to help come clean without a hard ash detox, but that just prolong things. It is up to HIM and HIM only to want to come clean. It takes TONS of work and it does not happen over night. Addiction is a Disease that needs to be treated. Maybe have him come on and we can help with our experiences and hopes for a better future.

I agree about not enabling him. Tough love has to come out and you have to put your foot down. This is YOUR life too we are talking about. I sure wish you the best and I will send a Prayer your way.
Bless

[pillguy]

Vickie is right.  You should probably leave.  But if you can't do that you MUST QUIT ENABLING.  You are part of this problem.  You are financing it.  My wife was instrumental in my recovery.  She watched me like a hawk.  Every transaction was looked at.  I'm in recovery and her determination to end my secret transactions was a very important part of that.  You may have to leave, but do it knowing you did everything you reasonably could.  Then you can move on with a clear conscience.

[vicki595]

How much longer do you want to support an unemployed addict with no plan for recovery?  If you're sick of that, then there's you answer.  He's using you and you're letting him.  

Separating yourself from him is really the only answer, in my opinion. I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear that but it's honest.  Save yourself, your credit and your reputation. Good luck-

[jifmoc]

Re-read all the great posts above for your answer:)

[justwant_US_back]

No he hasn't been to rehab. no insurance cant afford... I am trying really hard with the money thing but then I feel bad if he doesn't have gas money or something. I love this man but I don't trust him when it comes to the Adderall. He has swore to me numerous times that he was done and we would get a few good days then he screws up again most recently he was doing good had almost two weeks in and then he goes and gets Adderall. I have threatened to leave and be done with him but I love him so I try so hard to deal with it. I am embarrassed for friends to find out I feel like I don't have anyone to completely open up to about it. I feel like I don't mean enough to him for him to change. I would do anything to help him but I don't know what to do... do I just sit back and put a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay...do I keep getting upset and us argue... don't get me wrong I know its hard on him... which is why from the beginning I told him I would support him being in the methadone clinic as long as he did it right...when I try to talk to him it always turns into an argument he tells me that I think its all about me.. I just want to help him become the man he used to be...I cant  turn off my love for him cause deep down I know he is an amazing guy with a huge heart

[Kristen2015]

you have to separate your money.  do not let him have access.  do not give him cash for anything.  sounds harsh but you are enabling him if you do.  I know you love him but if you do, don't give him any opportunity to get money for drugs.  has he ever been to rehab?  maybe a few days would be a good wake up call for him

[jifmoc]

Hi and welcome. Lots of women come on here w/ the same issue...

Your man is an addict. All the yelling, tears and pleading are useless. You are enabling him sharing/giving him money.

Alanon was made for people in your situation: those that are in love w/ addicts and feel crazy and hopeless. I urge you to go asap. You will learn things you can't even imagine.

At the least separate your $ asap. An addict will change when THEY have hit bottom, and not one second before. All you can do is stay out of the way.

Stick around:)

[bama88]

Hey dear, so sorry to hear that your in a bad relationship with an addict.  Your group or so would be living with addicts, and we will help and support too.  Medhelp has a wonderful group of people who's mindset is to help each other in recovery.

It sounds like you need support too.  Have you ever considered going to a support group like alon ?  You need help too.  And so does he.  Have you ever brought up rehab?.  Remember he needs to do it for the right reasons.

You need to also Remember to take care of yourself and set up boundaries.  You've got a full plate.  Living with a addict is overwhelming at the least.

People will come by with more advise.  Welcome