Please any advice?

[jimimiddlefinger]

I am a 46 year old father of 3. I have been battling a year+ long oxy habit. I hurt my back in 2002 and was prescribed Lorcet plus. This became more of a habit than pain relief and the use began to escalate. After moving to Utah I began buying privately. This habit has been on again off again but a year and a few months solid. Amazingly I have been able to keep it somewhat moderate anyway. I was up to a 40 a day. I AM DONE with this garbage. I have wasted time and untold amount of $$ and I am so sick and tired this thing. It controls every aspect of my life. I have been so scared of the WDs for months but now I am more frightened of continuing. I have been laid off since the fall but my father left my brother and I some money. It has been a curse that has kept me from waking up and realizing something needs to be done now. While my brother has put his in investments and has probably $200,000 or so in the bank I have virtually nothing left. And rent is due and bills are due and this guy is calling me...and I don't want anything. I just want my life back. I used to have a pretty good life. I quit once at 25 and then again a few months later at 30ish. I do not know if I should taper at this amount or just say to h**l with it and bite the bullet. I have a few things to help but I don't know if it's ok to mention them. I am ready and since my friend (we'll call him that even though he is no friend) is the only person I know with stuff, I hope I can keep my head pulled out. So any help, advice, criticism (please feel free to call me a dumba**) would be greatly appreciated. Also If you all don't mind if I hang out here while I'm getting thru this...that would be great.

Many thanks,
Jimi

[jstntime]

Hey Jimi,

So happy to hear you hanging in there,

You have a "get it done" attitude that will really help you.  You aren't getting freaked out and you seem to understand all that this process entails.

You are setting yourself up for success and we are all pulling for you still,

bob

[jimimiddlefinger]

Not too awfully bad Gnarly, thanks for asking. Took a soak and the first .01 clonadine. I was gonna wait on that but actually I got curious and my dr. did prescribe the so I figured it was the best thing. I can honestly say 48 hrs in I don't feel completely horrible. Just really crappy lol. I am taking alot of inspiration from the encouragement here and other peoples posts. I'll hang in there and be around in spite of the fact I am going to go way over on my wireless plan. That's cool I need to be here. I think the extra $$ will be worth it.

Peace

[gnarly_1]

how you holding up Jimi ?

[NorcBgone]

Take a soak for me too....All I have for now is HOT showers, but anything is better than nothing. How are the chickens? :-)

[jimimiddlefinger]

you too NBG! I'm gonna go soak for awhiles and try to eat. I've got to conserve my MB but I gotta be on here too. I'll be up till 3-4 I'm sure. If you happen to have insomnia (happen to lol) maybe I'll chat @ ya then!

[NorcBgone]

Honey, i don't think any plan to sit by a stream in a cool shade is dumb right now. Maybe i misread your post, but i can't hardly focus right now so that's what i got from your comment. AND, that's what i'm going  to think about for the next 5 minutes until my mind takes over again. you stay strong!