Keeping my pills

[cleansweep1813]

I have been clean for 8 days today and this is my 3rd attempt at staying clean, but for some reason I can't bring myself to get rid of my last six pills? Am I ever going to win over these pills?

[meegWpaw]

cs, you've had issues with relapse that warrant you really taking a look at how you're going to stay clean this time.  I say this because as you know I too have had a lot of relapses.  yes!  you will win over these pills!!!  if you get rid of them --

[ariley13]

First off, congratulations on your hard won 8 days! I know how hard and discouraging it can be when you've had several relapses. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Try to learn from the mistakes you've made in the past and use that knowledge to make this the time that sticks. Get rid of what didn't work for your recovery and keep what did. Now, you really need to get rid of the pills! (I know you know this!) Having them sitting around is too much temptation for anyone. They will just keep calling your name until you give in and take them. Then that will be 8 days down the drain. Flush those suckers!! You are strong and you are doing this! You don't need a back up plan because you aren't going back! We are here for you. Please let us know what you decide to do. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Please take care and try to keep your head up.

[EvolverU]

Hi there! Welcome & thanks for reaching out. Congrats on your 8 Big Days!

Keeping those pills is a set-up for failure. My friend Meegy, above is absolutely on the $$! You've got to ask yourself: 'What am I doing differently this time?'. You have to be prepared to do absolutely everything necessary to get & stay clean. Go in to the bathroom. Stand over the toilet & ask yourself: 'Do I really want to get clean?' After searching your soul, If the answer is truly 'yes', then open that fist & let them drop.(It'll only take a millisecond of decisiveness to Flush 'em!!) Think of the eight days you've just spent & the other times you've tried to kick -- all that anguish. Think of the misery you're trying to put behind you -- how bad you feel when you're trapped in the cycle of abuse. Don't let that part of your mind trick you when it whispers to you that you'll need them. It's a LIE! You CAN do this! You'll feel so proud of yourself if you do & it will steel your determination for the rest of your journey. Each time we do something like this -- each time we pass a test -- It makes us a little stronger & we gain a little more confidence & hope. The next step is to cut ALL your sources. Let us know how it goes & how you're doing. I wish you the best of luck & the Strength & Clarity to do this. We're here & we're pulling for you, my friend!

[cleansweep1813]

I just read everyone's comments and I started to cry... I have no support at home and to be honest no true friends just a few acquaintance's. I feel that everyone gets what I'm going through and in one way or another have been in my shoes . I definitely feel much stronger and feel like I can let go a lot sooner than later. It's so true that these pills are evil and they'll try to tell your mind  every lie in the book to get you to use again. Ill let you know when I do flush them it'll be a freeing moment

[EvolverU]

Hey, You're NOT alone here & you've got friends here to support you (I'm one of them.) I know that you're in a hard place right now & that you're on an emotional roller coaster. Why not go to the bathroom & do it right now while I wait for you?

Here,
Annie

[dominosarah]

You are not alone as we understand what you are going thru.  Getting rid of those pills will give you a sense of freedom.  Having them in your possession will only create chaos in your mind.  They call our name.  We love flushing parties here.  Take control and do what is right.

[VICourageous]

Good Job on your days.
We have to build a whole new Bridge to get over to our Whole New World. This takes a lot of work and we can not do it alone.
If we have to cure or put our disease in submission we can not take or have around the little substances that has caused this disease, because it will call you everyday and it makes it that much harder for us.
Bless

[cleansweep1813]

Hey evolver u thank you for your comment and trying to be there in spirit during the ceremonial flushing of the six vicodins I have left but for some reason I can't get rid of them quite yet. Lets be clear I have absolutely no intension of using again I can't go through the withdrawal process for a 4th time but in a conveluted way they make me feel better just knowing I have them I know it's so wrong but eventually I'll flush them

[michael1953296]

a idea if you want the pills around and I can understand that get some gorilla  glue it's real strong stuff and glue the cap on the bottle. I know it sounds a little strange but if you are tempted to use again you will need to smash the whole bottle to get at them. This little bit of extra may mean the difference or not just a idea cuz I know how a addict works being one.
Michael

[digger1976]

I truly understand the way you are thinking, just in case? The thing is though if you really want them out your life this time around flushing them is the only answer. Having them there is only giving you room for relapse and nothing else. It reminds me of those little glass tubes people used to have with one cigarette in, only brake in time of emergency! Like it was some kind of joke? Its emergency's and times of stress you don't want such things at hand.

Please flush your evil pills my friend, not for me or anyone else, for yourself and your new life clean! Wishing you luck in everything you wish to achieve Cleansweep.

Congrats on your 8 days by the way, well done!!!

[cleansweep1813]

Hi Micheal1953296 thanks for the idea.... Being a addict myself and this being my 3rd attempt at staying clean I know that keeping them means thinking about them and even thinking about them can be a slippery slope , but eventually and I mean possibly in the next week there taking a swim down the toilet.

[cleansweep1813]

Hi Micheal1953296 thanks for the idea.... Being a addict myself and this being my 3rd attempt at staying clean I know that keeping them means thinking about them and even thinking about them can be a slippery slope , but eventually and I mean possibly in the next week there taking a swim down the toilet.

[cleansweep1813]

Oops I did not mean to post twice...

[cleansweep1813]

Hi digger 1976 .... You are so right these pills are pure evil! Ill definitely post as soon as there 100% out of my life.

[WalkTall]

I detoxed last year, but didn't get rid of my sources, or my pills.  I relapsed within 11-days.  Another year of addiction and misery ensued.

I finally found the determination to quit.  With the help of some great people on this site, I'm almost 60-days clean.  But if I'd had pills around, I wouldn't have made it.  I don't think any of us can make it.   I'll say a prayer for you... that you may find the level of determination necessary to quit.  And that you find the strength within yourself, and/or through Him, to do what you've got to do.  Flush the pills.  All of them.

[cleansweep1813]

Thank you walk tall and congratulations on your almost 60 days clean! Your right as long as I have them and P.A.W.S starts to kick in and I start to  rationalize that i can handle taking a few pills this time with complete control this time a around( a lie i love to tell myself)the addiction, relapse cycle starts all over.... its vicious!

[VICourageous]

Hi cleansweep..Since this is not your first rodeo like a lot of us on here, I was just wondering if you are going to try some meetings to give you the support you need. I also being 57 and used most of my life find all the information about what this disease is about and how it affects all the Neurotransmitters a blessing for me today. Each different drugs can hit different ones (like the 3 i c/t off) but the Dopamine does a Pleasure surge to the Mid-brain  when we use or any addiction for that matter. This is why the tape will like to play back again and again no matter how strong we think we can be. This info does save my ash today along with my Support at home and my Aftercare. Getting close to a year and it has been no picnic. It is trying to stay clean that is the hardest. I sure wish you the best and that you can get some Support as well. Come on here when you feel a craving.
Bless

[Nuts1982]

I handed my husband my stuff and told him to flush it. I couldn't do it. Hang in there and maybe asking a friend for help Will work.

[digger1976]

Great post Vic, i truly agree about the detox being the easy part in many ways, my battle is just starting now really. 62 days clean now i think and i feel the cravings coming on stronger all the time. I don't and won't give in to them but i do understand i must seek some kind of outside support. I never really thought i would need some, stubborn as always in my thinking. If i want to stay clean i must look for help though this is too big for me to fight alone. I have great support from all my family but i truly don't like worrying them, they have been through far too much with me already. Thank you to everyone who kept on at me to find extra support, it has eventually sunk in, ;)

[Farmgal40]

I can so relate....I have only 2 pills left (tram) and I can't bring myself to flush them either...not sure why? is it the "what if?"  Even if I had a broken bone sticking out of my body, I would not want to take these evil things again! I'm on day 5 without (five.... L -O-N-G daaaaaays)  and I can't figure my brain out, does having them and being able to resist give me some form of (fake of course) power?

[VICourageous]

If you want to get a quick look go into my Journal where I just put two pieces of info in so far..One is Tolerance and the other the Pleasure part of the brain. There is so much more about this that is just unreal..
Bless

[cleansweep1813]

Hi farmgal40.... I think we're on the same page when it comes to our reasoning for holding on to these evil pills.... It's always in the back of my mind.... What if I get hurt( at least I won't have to pay for a prescription, not to mention at the moment I have no health insurance)and like you I never want to touch these life stealers again!.... I also feel stronger knowing the pills are around even though I have no desire to take one  ( at the moment, cravings haven't reared there ugly head yet!) convoluted thinking perhaps but for now  

[cleansweep1813]

Hey vicourageous.... First I want to congratulate you on being almost 1 year clean! How proud you must be and should be in yourself!....I have thought about going to N/A meetings but to be honest it took me about a year to get the courage up to start posting , possibly in the future I may see myself going  but I am definitely one who takes baby steps these days!

[Andie015]

Hi clean!  Good job on your clean time. That is very hard earned time and you should be very proud. Honestly, and without judgement, you are j