Asking A question, for hope.

[findmyway]

Its me again.  Well Im just about halfway into day 3.  Which for the things Im praying to return for me, 3 days is absolutely nothing!!!  The cravings are insane, but Im not giving in.  Now let me tell you I kicked a crack, and alcohol addiction approx. 8yrs ago.  That is no longer apart of my life.  Thank God.  But I cant help but to compare these addictions now in my darkest hours. Looking back at that time in my life, which I used those two in combination with each other, for over 15yrs!  They are not alike at all.  Especially coming off of them!  They do not do your body and mind like this.  This is absolutely nuts!!  And why....why....WHY does it have to take soooooo long.  I know....I know... its been explained to me why, but, its just soooo hard to except, this is torture! If I had only known what I was doing, I would have never.....NEVER took them pills like that!  Actually, I know God was with me because they also had me on Oxy's after my surgery as well, and shorly after taking them, I told them I didnt want them anymore, they weened me right off them, early.  I never touched another one since.  Thank God.  I just want to voice, I have thought about both addictions, and another aspect is the routine that goes with keeping up a crack addiction....the things you have to do are so much more obvious.  See one thing is you cannot go to the doctor and get a script for that.  With pills you can, so that kinda keeps it a lil more secretive.....ya know. Until you have to get them off the street.  Crack will have you running back and fourth all night.  You can hide the fact that your popping these pills, and getting high, but with the other, your physical actions, and appearance tells on you immediately. So what Im trying to say is, for me, that also made it easier, because it was like no one new, that I was abusing these pills, and was getting high. Im sorry, but I just needed to talk about that, I hope it is not inappropriate on this site.  If so I apologize.  My mind is just rambling, and searching for some kinda understanding as to how, and will I actually get out of this mess.  

Reason Im questioning that is, Im seriously starting to wonder, if there has been anyone here that has managed to stay clean from pills by pure willpower, and God alone.  I ask because I have done the NA thing with my other addiction, and yes it is a great thing for addictions, and yes I learned alot, but I do know going to those meetings did not stop the cravings, Yes I learned alot which did help my thinking pattern, and taught me why I needed to stop, as well as I wanted to as well.  But I did not get totally freed from the cravings until I gave it to God and actively got into church recovery, and the Lord removed that whole ordeal for me.  I know it was him.  So again I ask, does anyone know of anyone that has done this with the help of God,and their own willpower?   Im just wondering is it possible at all.  I want to do what I know is going to work.  Everything just seems so far off, and nothing is going to help me stay off these pills in the future.  Dont take me wrong, I want desperately to stay off these pills, I want my life back.Im just at this point where Im just wondering am I going to be able to do this for the longrun.  I see, and know I can get thru the withdrawal, but I just dont think that counseling, and NA meetings are going to stop these cravings.  Im not saying that is not a good ideal, its just I have already experienced that route when I kicked the other addiction.  Yes it taught me alot, but did not stop me from craving.  Which is what I know is the hardest thing right now.  I just want something solid, that I know will do the trick, and that I can hold on to, and hope for. You know, physically your body has gone thru sooooo much in the withdrawal, that you are soooo tired of being sooo tired, then the cravings kick in, your all ready so weak, and tired, needing some relief, and just a lil joy,you just need to know ok...........if I just make it to this next point everything will be okay.....but from what Im reading here, that is not how this works,   it just makes it seem so hopeless.  But at the same time, I cant, and will not give in.  I just pray to God Im going thru all this suffering, and mind torture to end up in 2wks, just caving in because nothing is changing.  Im so lost, and emotionally broken right now  Please excuse me everyone.  Im just breathing, cause this sure aint living, need to know I will rise again,I miss me.

[Ann2497]

I felt so bad for you when reading your post.  Do you have any support at all?

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your clean time!!  You are off to a good start.  With any type of aftercare the old saying rings true, it works if you work it.  Once you surrender then it gets easier.  Baby steps is the way we take it now, focus on the journey, not the destination.  You can do this!      sara

[snakejones]

I just want to say how happy I am for you and your clean time so far. You've got a way to go, so you need all the help you can get. I recommend aftercare, if not NA/AA, then a private counselor would be great---and since you are a believer in God, there might be a Christian-based addiction counselor in your area.
Addicts who are trying to get clean seem to be totally at war with their bodies and minds. I am an RN. I was taught in nursing school that a person is made up of body, mind, and spirit, and you really can't separate one from the other--you must treat the person as a whole.
But just for right now, think of yourself as two separate parts---a critically ill little boy, and his loving, wise father. Sit or lie down somewhere and relax, close your eyes, take a deep breath or two, and start talking to the sick child part of you. Apologize to your poor body for abusing it and making it so sick. God made your body a temple, and you have defiled it. After you apologize, promise you will help it to get well--and keep that promise. When you are experiencing cravings, imagine your body as a sick, crying little boy that doesn't understand why he feels so bad. Talk to your body and tell it why it feels bad--the brain must heal and rebuild itself to stabilize your emotions over time, and that takes awhile. Reassure your body that it will get well, but while it is feeling bad you will do what you can to make it more comfortable. Be as gentle with yourself as our loving Father in heaven is with you. Watch over your body and mind as carefully as a protective father with a new baby. And try never to get frustrated or angry with yourself--it's totally non-productive.
You WILL get well if you treat yourself with love. Be good to yourself, do everything to build your health back, do aftercare, and have faith. And each night when you go to bed, thank God and put yourself in His keeping. And know that you will see good and exciting changes over time that are well worth waiting for. I wish you all the very best, and will be looking for your posts. Take care!

[gnarly_1]

HI   around here we call willpower ...''white knuckling it'' it will keep you clean for a wile but nothing changes if nothing changes...im a Christian and im all for church and bible study for ways to help me stay clean but I do still believe you need a program like N/A thats drug focused or a substance abuse conslor to work threw to the root issues in combination with church
I have watched God deliver my wife of her addiction for 23 yr but there has been plenty of consoling in between the power of Jesus cannot be doubted by the number of recovering addicts in our church but again most work additional programs to stay clean its best to hit this thing from all angles I know I do and its been 6yr7mo since I have smoked weed or drank alcohol or anything else recreational and a few days past 2yr for methadone so it does work if you work it my advise to you is do both never drop your guard this will always be ready to pounce on you the first time you do good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[Innerstrength67]

Hey findmyway, I just want you to know, I hear you. The fact that you stopped crack and alcohol is amazing. Your an addict through and through so it doesn't surprise me that you got hooked on pills. As addicts we have to watch ourselves forever because it's so easy to stop one addiction and pick up another. I go to NA and it has helped but as far as the cravings, that's still here for me. I'm just being honest. I don't know if they will ever go away and if they don't than it will always be a choice. Chasing pills was a living nightmare for two years. And I know exactly what you mean about hiding the addiction. No one knew how bad my problem was. When I started telling people, they were shocked.
No one can say when your cravings will end but everyone keeps saying they will.
I crave but I don't cave in to them. The addiction is making you crave because it wants you to give in.
You can always private message me.
Hang in there and Congrats on your clean time.,