Pregnant and freaking out

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Hello all.  I am a new member and having difficulty finding answers for my questions on the internet, so I thought I'd give some background on myself and see if anybody here has gone through what I am currently going through and offer some advice.  K, here goes.....I am currently 6 weeks pregnant (calculated from 1st day of last period, so actually only about 4).  I found out 8 days ago and immediately stopped everything I was doing which was drinking and taking suboxone, 8mgs every other day for an addiction to pain pills (20-30 norcos a day).  Problem is, I THOUGHT I could quit suboxone cold turkey since I have long gotten over my addiction to pain pills but when 4 days had passed, I started to experience withdrawals.  The worst w/d for me being the "creepy crawlies" in my arms and legs which just don't let up!  I became REALLY upset realizing that I wouldn't be able to just stop.  So I took an 8mg Suboxone which almost immediately made me feel better and then got on the internet.  Basically, what I found out was that I should switch to subutex, which I did TODAY and that my baby MAY experience withdrawals.  When I went to the doctors today he told me that my baby WILL experience withdrawals for about 7 days which has made me extremely upset!  I am married and we have a 14 year old and we have been loosely following the rhythm method with withdrawal method for over a year with the thought that if we get pregnant, we will have a baby.  I did this "loosy goosy" approach because I knew that I am such a scardy cat that I wouldn't deliberately TRY to get pregnant, but that if it happened, we would then be blessed with a baby.  Well, now I wish I never would have done this!  I am now faced with the dilemma of either having an abortion or having anxiety throughout the whole pregnancy that my baby will experience withdrawals which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  If my baby dies after it is born I just would check out.  Both of my parents have passed away and my BEST friend just died 5 months ago.  I lost my dream job 3 years ago due to some really jacked up office politics and haven't worked since.  I thought that getting pregnant would be a wonderful thing for me and my family and give me a new outlook on life, but now that I've realized I can't just stop taking sub like THAT, I am FREAKING OUT!  I don't think that the stress or the consequences for my unborn is worth it.  I really need some TRUTH and advice either way...I was on my way to being fine.  I was planning on looking for a new job and getting my life back. I thought I was DONE being dependent on anything even though I was taking suboxone every other day for pain management, I thought if I HAD to, I'd just take some tylenol and be OK.  Well this wasn't the case and now I'm really scared.  Any input will be greatly appreciated.  Thanks!

[dominosarah]

and here is some extra hugs from me too..........sara

[madtram]

You sound so strong, I'm sure you will succeed with this.  Please accept some extra hugs.

The Thomas recipe link is here:-

http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/Addiction/Thomas-Recipe-Re-Posted/show/16?cid=66

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I'm just curious to now what meli mel said, as it would have been good to get any aggressions out on a jerk that may have said something off-color!  Nevertheless, thanks for sticking up for me to those that did!  Oh, and trubleinohio: just to clarify, the fetus was almost 5 weeks from CONCEPTION, but the docs go by gestational age which mine was 6 weeks, 6 days.  They say you should be able to hear heartbeat at 5 1/2 weeks on the chart they use.  So, I should've been able to see a heartbeat about 2 weeks ago.  Plus, there's the blood gathering thing.  It IS sad cuz I was on the net last night trying to find out more info on this, just to see if there's still hope.  I even called the hospital labor and delivery unit and asked questions and they also said unfortunately it sounds like I'll be miscarrying.  I'm thinking all fetuses follow a pretty strict schedule pertaining to how far you are along when this develops and that develops.  So I'm not counting on a "slower development than most" possibilty.  Before I get any procedure done (if needed) to make sure all the "contents" will be removed so as to avoid infection, they will be doing another ultrasound.  I will be so happy if it is there and healthy, but I'm not gonna even think about that right now.  I don't want to go through that feeling again of what I'm still trying to process.  Again, thanks for the support.  BTW, does anybody know where I can find the Thomas recipe?  I wasn't able to find it in the health pages; I don't know what it is under.  Another clarification: This isn't literally the last chance for a baby.  I'm just nearing 35 and wanted to have one sooner rather than later if I'm going to and now I have to waste yet more of my life dealing with trying to be comletely free from this sh*t.  Because I WILL NOT get pregnant and have to go through this stress regarding my baby again.

[dominosarah]

I am so sorry to hear this news......I hope you stick around the forum.      sara

[nursegirl6572]

melimeli---Wow, your post is uncalled for.  You are in a sense placing blame on the OP.....VERY VERRY insensitive to the OP.  If you want to try to help people in these forums...you need to be careful what you post....after all, there are people on the other side of your screen.

OP...I'm sorry about the news.  While I understand that people want to hold out hope....you all must understand that a doc can see quite a lot on an u/s.  More worrisome than the inability to find a heartbeat (which should be VISIBLE on the u/s, even at this early stage), is the collection of blood.

Now, the OP didn't state she was going to terminate the pregnancy....seems as though she is going to let nature take it's course....so if there truly IS a chance, she'll find out.  Im so sorry for the news....it's so hard.  

One thing though...maybe, in a sense...this is an opportunity for you!!!  You now know that getting off subs is adviseable for pregnant women, so you could work on that, and then try again.  There are always choices.

Again, so sorry for the news you got, hang in there, and don't hold back your feelings.  It will hit you eventually, and its tough.  

[troubleinohio]

i just scrolled back up to your first post and see that you are only 4 weeks pregnant! That certainly could be a reason there was no HB yet! Plz dont give up hope yet, it could just be too early!!