Being home an trying to find soMething to keep me busy

[Rodone]

Being at work depressed,sick doesn't bother me..it when I get home...I'm even worse then what I was at work...an my 4 yr old wants to play outside an I wanna lay in bed an die....an the thought of her seeing me so drown makes it even harder..so my husband (who is amazing) takes her outside..an I feel like the worst mom ever so then I think maybe I can find a pill some were in my draw...this has been since 5 this evening...then I can play an start tomorrow...but then tomorrow will never come...urggggg..has anybody felt this way

[Brightfutureahead]

Haha ;)

[kyle505]

Don't tell anyone. That will undermine my hard a** reputation.

[Brightfutureahead]

Kyle- that was a really nice post.

Rodone...you will be surprised how much more 'connected' you feel with your family once you have a nice, clear head. It is a nice feeling :)

[kyle505]

You need to give it time. I wanted normal now. I didn't want to wait. But I had to. Be greatful that you have such a wonderful husband. And keep in mind that you're giving your daughter a real mom. Drug free. So the next time you look at her think of that.  It will get better - no, it will get wonderful. I promise.

[ImDONENoMore]

rodone - I think you're doing great. You came here to talk about those urges INSTEAD of using.  Think about that.  Not too shabby if you asked me.

[Rodone]

I just wanna smile a real smile...not a fake one...thank you lady's this is the best I've felt all night...an real 180 I got the other post but couldn't message on it..my family means the world but I think they lost me more in the past year then anything....now I want to give back to them...they deserve it much asy self....

[Rodone]

The real problem is excuses....I know I can do this...it's the mind...your worst enemy of all....im very strong willed...thank u Mary.....so hopefully tomorrow I feel better...how lOng does this take to go away....the urge...

[Real180]

I just posted on you other thread-- I felt the same way but BELIEVE me like Mary said don't over think it -- your mind plays tricks now almost trying to give you reasons to fold -- I'm saying they are not real emotions I'm just saying they are exaggerated -- you are healing now and your spouse knows it and wants it for you so ride it out -- focus on how great things will be when your not going to be a slave to these STUPID pills. Believe me I just went through exactly what you are going through (emotionally and physically) it a true mind **** -- but it's almost over so all you have to do is be as strong as you been and you will have your life back and all that you love with it!!!!

[mary577]

Don't feel guilty about your husband taking the little girl out to play.   He needs to do that.   You don't need to feel guilty for that.   Stop over thinking this.   You take as much help as you can get from him and take care of yourself.   When you feel better, you will have plenty of time to give more quality time to her.   You will know you did the best thing you could possibly ever do for her.   You got yourself clean and healthy.