RE: a question by crk611 on 12/24/06

[amythist2779]

Hello I go by the name amythist2779. I usually come to this site daily, but with the holidays here I have been slacking some. So here I am trying to catch up on whats been going on and I come across a post by CRK611 about a week ago. It was on 12-24-06. My problem is quite like hers. There is not enough room for me to repost her comment so could some of you please go read her initial comment and also my response to her? I too feel the same way she does and I don't understand it. There are days where I feel like I am hooked, or addicted, but then if I don't have the norcos I dont crave them or freak out because I dont have them. Does that make sense to anyone? I don't know what that means. Does it just mean that my body is used to them and dependant upon them, but I dont have the addictive personality? A long time ago I tried meth, and hated it. I do not see what anyone in their right mind is thinking when taking that drug, because its nasty, then again just recently I tried marijuana because someone told me that it helps calm pain....well it made my pain worse, so I hated that one too. I guess I would just like some opinions on whether you think I am one of the few that have the addictive personality, or whats going on with me. I dont have anyone here to talk to about it, and most of the time I feel like such a burden to them. Not only do I have fibromyalgia but I also have cushings disease, a pituitary tumor, arnold chiari I malformation, bipoloar.  So could some of you please find a moment and read that older post by Crk611? And give me some advice, input, or anything?

[gipsee]

Amythist... much like you when I started w/Vics 5 years ago, my life didn't center around taking a pill....I initially started because of arthritis (real bad) in my knees.   I had a Rx for two a day which I took...2-a day for two years.  1/2 a pill 4x's a day did the trick.  

Three years ago I had a huge tummy surgery...and I really NEEDED more .. came home with a Morph pain pump and went back to the Vics but I was doing more.

Never thought I was abusing the stuff but I did notice I was able to get more done.   But instead of 1/2 a pill... I was doing a whole pill...a whole 7.5 used to put me into a stupor but all of a sudden it didn't have that affect any longer.  I'm going to cut this short... last six months or so...that one pill at a time turned into taking two pills at a time.  Anxiety got out of control, so I started taking Xanax... NASTY STUFF...I had to come clean and admit... I AM ADDICTED TO VICODEN... not just a physcial dependency but a real addiction.  It crept up on me.

Everybody is different... this stuff may never catch up to you and you won't have to worry.  But I will say this... I am now doing a C/T detox... it's living hell.   Of course, I'm feeling a lot better than a week ago, but still have very little energy and I can't stop crying all of a sudden... I haven't cried in years.  

Just giving you 'my' version of what these pills do/did...and what I don't get is the Dr. just giving me more any time I asked for them.   Once I realized they were taking over my life it became a whole other ball game for me... I would never even leave the house w/o a few in my purse...just in case!

They truly are nasty.... just plain ole nasty

Good Luck w/your choices

XoXo
Gip

[amythist2779]

When you made the comment of never leaving home without some in your purse really hit home for me because thats what I do. I tell myself 'just in case', but even if I would need a pill why do I take like 4  with me just to go to the store for an hour or so? Lord knows I don't need 4 pills in 1 hour. I am starting to think it is creeping up on me and it scares the bigeebies out of me. My ex husband was an addict to meth and I sure don't want to be an addict of anything. But on the other hand, if I don't have them the pain is so unbearable all I can seem to do is lay around and moan because my back hurts so darn bad. Like today for example. I did not sleep much last night because my back was spasing out. Well I got up today not in too much pain so I started to clean my apartment. It took all but maybe 15 mins of moving, bending and sweeping to totally throw my back out. I took the last ounce of energy I had to use the dust pan to pick up the dirt then I ran to my room and cried because my back was hurting and was on fire so badly I couldnt stand it. It settled down enough that I took a nice hot shower which didnt help my back but made the rest of me feel better. I broke down and took a couple of my norcos too though, but promised myself and my son that I would not take any more today. Trust me it is going to be hard and I am going to be on edge, but I have geodon and xanax to help with that too. It makes me sleep so that I don't have to think or stress out about the pain, until that wears off and the pain returns and wakes me up.
My kids are 6 and 11 and I feel like such a crappy mom cuz I cant play with them or do or go anywhere cuz I am hurting so bad. Its a sick and mean visious cycle that I absolutely hate!

Anyhow enough rambling for now, I really need to rest some so maybe I will be able to function later sometime today.
Thank you so much for your response though, you dont know how much that means to me! I hope you and your family are having happy holidays and have a happy New Year too.