realizing....

[taekwondo_fighter]

i am in the wrong "hobby" or way of life training the way i do in the martial arts..  2 major injuries last year, a broken ankle march 2007 and a torn hamstring august 2007 have helped in my addiction to percocets..  now that i'm trying to go clean, i realize i am at high risk to get injured again and be right back where i started with pain meds.. after this mornings training, i'm feeling sore all over..  whatever.. maybe i should have written this in my journal.. sorry for venting..

[taekwondo_fighter]

you are right....  i also know that its a deception..  everyone thinks i'm so healthy, and so lucky to be doing what i'm doing.. but in my mind i know i'm a failure and an addict!  i cant wait to have my life back

[avisg]

I can so relate to what you are saying when you said people comment on what great shape you are in  I suffered from anorexia for years and it would drives me nuts when people would tell me how lucky i was to be so thin . I would just want to scream ,that it was a hellish way to live.

[taekwondo_fighter]

thanks!! and thanks everyone for reading my vents...  this is such a cool place...  

[GoingToMakeIt]

I say, kick this habit! Punch it out. You have the perfect avenue to really vent out these frustrations. Hang in there. It will get better.

[taekwondo_fighter]

i guess you are right about not beating ourselves up more than we do.. the mere fact that we're all here on this site means that we recognized that theres a major problem we all need to fix.. some of us have more willpower than others... and it will take longer for some of us to get clean, but WE WILL ALL get there!!

[taekwondo_fighter]

thats right, everyone on this site will beat the addiction..  i give you major credit for cutting the doseage like you did. 600mg is a lot, and i was told if i did not stop now, thats the road i am heading down.. once again i feel very grateful to have found this site and everyone on it..

[oxyaddict420]

THATS GREAT MAN!!! GREAT ATTITUDE BROTHER.......

I went from taking anywhere from 400-600mg of oxycodone per (DAY)... Now since I have found this site, and have found additional info for a treatment that I think will really help me re-claim my life I have tapered down to 85-120mg per day.. After this weekend I will drop dwon to 80mg being the most and 60 being the least amount per day.. The oxycodone is the active ingredient in the percoset that gets you high and addicted.. Just in case you didnt know..

It is  **** MAN!! And just like **** we will sh!t it out of us and feel better when its all over!! :)

[taekwondo_fighter]

thanks for the words of encouragement.....  this morning i woke up and had the sweats, a headache and felt like staying in bed..  i fought to get to class this morning and i'm glad i did..  these pills are sucking the life out of me now, and i wish i could go cold turkey, but i cant take a week off of work..  the tapering is already getting me sick, but i'm not gonna give in..

[taekwondo_fighter]

i turned down the leadership role this morning actually.. i am not fit to be a leader for reasons know to people here, but i havent told anyone at the dojang..  i have absolutely no patience anymore..   i know 2008 will be an awesome year for me, and i'm striving to get off this
C R A P!!!

[oxyaddict420]

Yo man, I here what you are saying about high-risk and that is a choice only you can make.. If the "art" as you call it is a "way of life" then keep it up man!!  But do you really need the sparring competition to keep that happiness and ZEN?  What is the tru definition of a "want"  or a  "NEED"  ?  

YOU CAN DO THIS MAN--oxycodone is rough, but we are here for you!  You have what it takes inside to fight it as well as being a good fighter on the outside!!!  

[IBKleen]

What about teaching instead of competing? Would that reduce your risk of injury?

[oxyaddict420]

"Keep up the taekwando, get clean, stay clean and your balance will improve."

I REALLY NEEDED A GOOD LAUGHT TO START MY DAY!!!!!!

[want2bmeagain]

Buddy hang in there. It will get better. "The grass is always greener on the other side." We are going to and will fight this. Stay strong and don't let anything discourage you. Remember we have to take this one day at a time. I was upset that I could not run as long as I used to when I got to the gym yesterday. We cannot beat ourselves up more than we already have. Focus on one thing at a time. Once we beat this and succeed, we will have more power and focus on fixing the rest of our problems and working our way to getting back to doing things we love to do..Hang on. We are going to be ok! We are all here to support you and help you out. Take care!

[taekwondo_fighter]

i also hate it when i get complimented on " how great of shape i'm in " and blah blah blah.. in the back of my mind , i think, yeah, great shape.. i'm a friggin drug addict, and no one knows it...  i'm not in great shape, i'm falling apart from the inside out...  i'm so disgusted with myself right now..  sorry again, still venting

[taekwondo_fighter]

no, its not my career.. its actually a way of life..  it has helped me in so many ways, but then again i feel like i'm the " martial artist gone bad " ..  and to Clamity2, you are right, i do not blame the art for my dependancy, i just worry about future issues with myself i guess and pain killers..  i spar alot,and i'm on the sparring competition team also..  my chance of re-injury is high.. maybe its time to say goodbye to the team, but stay in the art..  i dont know.. just venting..

[Clamity2]

Hey don't blame the taekwando for the injury or the addiction. I assure people out of shape, get injuries too. The addict gets addicted through the drug not the exercise.
Keep up the taekwando, get clean, stay clean and your balance will improve.
I need to get back to taekwando. the exercise and fellowship are good.

[IBKleen]

Vent away hun. You have a very difficult decision to make. I don;t envy you.

Is it a hobby, or were you hoping to make it a career?